Love: Today, I was helping out during the school play's interval. My...

By MirandaJones - 20/03/2015 14:41 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was helping out during the school play's interval. My head of year jokingly asked me to follow him around with these mini cocktail sausages for the rest of the school year. I thought it would be witty to reply, "Does that make me your official sausage holder?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 517

You deserved it 8 882

November 11: Memories and smiles
Historical anecdotes with a light touch to commemorate with a respectful smile. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Garry - 04/03/2010 12:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised that my staff doesn't take me seriously. I walked in on my chef, who had just spent an hour and half carving a block of cheese to make cheddar goggles for himself. When I confronted him, he pulled up his t-shirt to reveal a cocktail sausage taped to his stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 984

You deserved it 5 749

By need new job - 24/04/2016 18:12 - Germany

Today, I was hired as a student assistant. I was excited, until I learned on my very first day that "Supporting the academic staff in their research" actually meant walking the professor's dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 426

You deserved it 1 430

Explain that one

By Anonymous - 21/08/2020 02:03

Today, I was eating dinner with my husband and his family. My father-in-law says to my mother-in-law, "You know what’s in your mouth? Sausage!" It was so random that I laughed, as quietly as I could. My husband then loudly asked me what was so funny. Everyone went quiet and looked at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 405

You deserved it 221

By sparkrok - 06/03/2014 00:36 - United States - Puyallup

Today, at work, I was standing around, doing nothing. When my coworker pointed this out, I laughed and said, "It's okay, I'm training for a supervisor position!" Guess who was standing right behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 947

You deserved it 18 768

By Sam - 30/10/2008 14:51 - Canada

Today, I had a barbecue. My boss won't believe me tomorrow when I tell him that the main pages of his 2-months worth of work file helped make the best sausages I've ever cooked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 219

You deserved it 30 791

By LadyJane - 04/01/2009 10:15 - France

Today, at a rehearsal, a friend poked me: "My mother is in the orchestra, guess who she is!" I jokingly answer: "Erm…The fat singer?". It was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 199

You deserved it 27 284

Praise

By Jesusman - 08/12/2018 14:00

Today, as I helped my boss set up catering at our café, she was stressing about having enough time for everything when the DJ chimed in with, "Why don't you ask him to help?" It got awkwardly quiet as they looked at me and he realized I was a girl. Then he tried saying, "By him, I mean Jesus." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 866

You deserved it 289

By dr mamour - 30/01/2013 21:57 - France - Paris

Today, during my first day as a medical intern in a new ward, I was performing a rectal exam. My supervisor thought it would be funny to burst into the room and scream, "Who are you?! You don't even work here, you pervert!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 087

You deserved it 4 088

New name just dropped

By firefliiez - 15/11/2009 18:46 - United States

Today, my ex decided he wanted to start calling me "Pup." I jokingly said, "Please! Call me anything but that! Sausage face even! Just anything but that!" Later, we went bowling with a large group of friends. He put my name in the board as "Sausage Face." Everyone agreed it will be my new name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 181

You deserved it 42 908

By Jay - 04/11/2017 04:00

Today, I got called into the principal's office of my son's school. Why? He'd called his teacher a "fudge packer". No more weekends with his uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 293

You deserved it 365

fiveforfighting 26

Friday 20 March 2015 18:44

You might want to buy him dinner first!

briang959 47

Friday 20 March 2015 18:47

That's hilarious OP. If he doesn't find it funny, maybe he's jealous of the mini sausages. :)

Comments

nikkipettyfer 24

Friday 20 March 2015 18:44

I'm sure you'll laugh about it in a week or so!

A07 48

Friday 20 March 2015 19:28

A story to tell the grand kids?

Joshwarrior 39

Friday 20 March 2015 19:35

Hell, I'm sure he was laughing then already lol

fiveforfighting 26

Friday 20 March 2015 18:44

You might want to buy him dinner first!

JazzHandsFML 28

Saturday 21 March 2015 4:15

I know this hotdog stand over by.....nevermind

HelenLFC 27

Friday 20 March 2015 18:44

You need to use your internal filter!

hailzz_96 18

Friday 20 March 2015 18:45

Did you get laid

mimiminx 23

Monday 23 March 2015 14:51

It was OPs teacher so hopefully not :/

briang959 47

Friday 20 March 2015 18:47

That's hilarious OP. If he doesn't find it funny, maybe he's jealous of the mini sausages. :)

CaroAurelia 12

Friday 20 March 2015 18:47

I'm sure y'all will joke about that in a week or so. But I feel your pain. I say a lot of stuff that sounds better in my head, too.

cheshirecat13242 32

Friday 20 March 2015 18:48

Lil' smokies? If he was talking about Vienna sausages, the dude isn't legit!

zenrael 21

Friday 20 March 2015 18:55

Pause. Think. Then reply.

youngmessi252525 20

Friday 20 March 2015 19:00

I would have died if someone said that to me your hilarious op

BadApple88 29

Friday 20 March 2015 23:10

A sense of humor is deliciously sexy

quesok 22

Friday 20 March 2015 19:02

Maybe it's the start of a beautiful sausage relationship

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The Top

Today, I was watching a movie with my new boyfriend. I got tired so I thought it would be cute to fall asleep on him. He woke me up and said, "You got me wet." Thinking it was a joke, I said smoothly, "That's what she said!" He replied "No, really." I looked down, I'd drooled all over his shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 314

You deserved it 40 787

Today, two weeks after giving my daughter-in-law a severe scolding for forcing my son to do chores and babysit the kids on his days off, I went to visit them and found out that they'd changed the locks, so my key no longer works. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 1 753

The Top

Today, I was on a plane when I had to use the bathroom. While pulling up my pants, the flush button got stuck and the water kept running. I tried to fix it, but ended up flooding the bathroom and the aisle. The attendants had to give me a towel and escort me back to my seat with everyone on the plane staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 141

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. After a few minutes of conversing, he told me he didn't need to give me a ticket. He then asked for a date. I politely declined. After staring at me for a very long moment, he said, "I think I'm going to have to give you that ticket after all." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 747

You deserved it 27 039

Today, the only parking spot available at the supermarket had some shopping carts in it, so I got out of my car and moved them. As soon as I finished, a lady stole the spot. When I confronted her, she maced me with pepper spray and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 273

You deserved it 342

Today, I woke up to the rickety old ceiling fan above my bed crashing down on top of me. I'm fine, however I am now grounded until I can buy a new ceiling fan to replace the one I "broke". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 994

You deserved it 303

Today, I walked into my room in only a towel. I walked in front of my brother to get to my computer. He said, "My webcam is on." I replied smartly by screaming, hugging the towel tightly to me, turning, and running straight into the glass door, dropping the towel. His friends saw and laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 702

You deserved it 15 569

Today, I received the Christmas gift I bought for my sister in the mail. I also received a nearly $200 bill for shipping fees, taxes, etc. for a $50 blanket from Canada. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 926

You deserved it 1 046

Same thing different taste

Explain that one

Praise

New name just dropped

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