Geek: Today, I was home alone. It was very dark and so I went to turn...

By OhaiiKid - 07/03/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, I was home alone. It was very dark and so I went to turn on the lights, when I heard the sound of a gun loading. I dropped to the floor but never heard a gun fire. I got up and heard the sound again. When I got lights on, I discovered it was only my printer telling me it was out of paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 482

You deserved it 26 060

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Same thing different taste

Spooked

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 05:08

Today, I thought my house was being broken into in the dead of night. Frightened, I dismounted a floor lamp as a makeshift weapon and crept through the house, channelling my inner Ellen Ripley. It turned out to be the wireless printer with a paper jam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 799

You deserved it 6 774

By Anonymous - 03/09/2013 19:50 - United States

Today, I had to visit a client because his printer had broken down. After driving for an hour, then being screamed at about how horrible my company's service is, I walked over to his printer and found the problem: there was no paper loaded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 402

You deserved it 3 127

Caught

By Anonymous - 25/10/2015 02:47 - United States - Apollo

Today, I woke up to noises in my living room. I was scared, but I loaded my gun and snuck downstairs. I burst into the living room, yelled for the motherfucker robbing me to put his hands up, and flicked on the light. My cat stared back at me like I was a moron then calmly walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 616

You deserved it 7 924

Brain fart

By jonjon - 13/06/2010 13:16 - United States

Today, after spending the evening with friends, I went home and realized that the living room light was on. Thinking someone was robbing me, I hid behind a bush. I got impatient and crept up to the door. Then I remembered that I'd left the light on before I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 961

You deserved it 47 320

By Anonymous - 03/01/2010 16:35 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling with the lights off. It was 1AM and I'd just finished watching a scary movie so I was a little paranoid. I was about to fall asleep when an eerie light lit the room. I jumped, got tangled in the sheets, and hit my head against the bed frame. Where'd the light come from? Not a space ship. Not someone breaking in. It was my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 562

You deserved it 29 184

By Anonymous - 09/01/2017 23:42

Today, I was the last to go upstairs, so I had to turn off the lights. My tired brain decided to use my phone flashlight to check if all the lights were out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 082

You deserved it 1 202

Stealth mode

By Slipperywhenwet - 28/02/2009 13:08 - United States

Today, I was stepping out of the shower while home alone. I heard voices coming from the living room. I grabbed a bat to defend myself and ran into the living room. I slipped on my tile floor and smashed my TV with the bat. No one was in my house, but I'd left the radio on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 631

You deserved it 48 170

By Anonymous - 12/12/2014 02:04 - United States - Yorktown

Today, I was home alone when I heard the carbon-monoxide detector beeping. Panicking, I grabbed my dog, ran out of my house as fast as I could, and waited outside for 3 hours for my mom to get home. Turned out the detector was just out of batteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 452

You deserved it 7 682

Jumpy

By Chelsea - 21/04/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, my mom made me clean. I was dusting in the living room and heard gunshots outside the apartment. I dove on the floor and started crying and screaming. My mom walked in and informed me that the sound was her making popcorn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 694

You deserved it 71 096

By Lilly_28 - 11/08/2009 14:01 - United States

Today, I was home alone. I didn't expect anyone to be anywhere near home, so when I got out of the shower, I walked to the living room, naked, to get the tv remote for my room. Only to find the UPS guy standing at our glass front door. I screamed... so did he. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 981

You deserved it 18 451

astro_plastic 0

Sunday 7 March 2010 12:27

Little do they know, their printer is actually Optimus Prime.

shorty1989 0

Sunday 7 March 2010 12:18

wow paranoid!

Comments

heyred 11

Sunday 7 March 2010 15:06

What kind of printer do you have? I can load all of my guns almost silently - do you mean cocking a shotgun?

alyssadapsycho 7

Sunday 7 March 2010 15:12

me too! I have a huge window that like covers the whole wall and whenever I'm home alone, I won't even go near that side of the house. night or day. it doesn't matter

_swimcutie_ 0

Sunday 7 March 2010 15:14

OP, I completley understand. One day I was home alone sitting on the couch and I heard what I thought was a gun loading and flipped. I crawled into the office to find out it was only our printer.. about to print something.. I thought it was broken.. guess not. Stuff from 3 months ago were being printed. LMAO.. and don't listen to all of these people who are calling you paranoid. It is scary!

bellem1122 0

Sunday 7 March 2010 15:23

man, I would say the enviroment u live in is tense and dangerous making u such a paranoid. but it's good u take precaution bcos u know u can't take things for granted.

jab52091 0

Sunday 7 March 2010 15:28

You call this an FML? This is the kind of thing you'd see on MLIA.

frostie 0

Sunday 7 March 2010 15:30

LOOOOOOL!!!!! Omg this is freaking hilarious!!!! How in the hell does OhaiiKid not see how hilarious this is? OhaiiKid this would be a good story to tell your friends or crush to get a few laughs from them. People are more likely to stick to you if you make them happy, which im sure this story is sure to do. Good Day!!!!!