Health: Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return...

By Anonymous - 21/11/2015 10:03 - United States - Norwalk

Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 045

You deserved it 2 323

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Same thing different taste

No shit

By Anonymous - 26/03/2022 11:00 - Australia - Aspley

Today, I had a dream that I was having one of the best poops of my life. I woke up feeling very content and relaxed, until I rolled over and realised it wasn't a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 230

By sadddddd - 11/09/2011 01:54 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling sick. I went to the bathroom and knelt in front of the toilet, waiting to throw up. When I finally did, I violently shit my pants at the same time. I was at my friend's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 883

You deserved it 3 270

By Fark - 27/05/2010 22:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a dream I was going the bathroom. I then woke up peeing, but I didn’t wet the bed yet. As I ran to the bathroom while half asleep and in the dark, I rammed into the wall. On my way back to bed, I tripped and accidentally slapped my fiancé in an effort to stop myself from falling over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 328

You deserved it 4 962

Number one or number two?

By Anonymous - 25/09/2023 13:00 - Australia

Today, I found out that the myth about what happens when you dream you're going to the toilet is not entirely untrue. At least for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 590

You deserved it 83

You sleep in your pants?

By Anonymous - 01/03/2021 18:30 - United States - Randolph

Today, I dreamt that I was using the toilet. The toilet was a dream, but the rest wasn't. My pants were soaked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 154

Panic in the sheets of Luton…

By Anonymous - 06/07/2021 19:00 - United Kingdom - Luton

Today, I had a dream in which I was having a panic attack. When I woke up, I was actually having a panic attack. Double the fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 113

Nearly did a Jimi Hendrix

By Courtney - 30/10/2022 14:00

Today, I had a dream in which I was throwing up. Turns out it wasn’t a dream and I woke up to puke all over the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 127

By frankrizzo - 01/02/2009 17:29 - Canada

Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 046

You deserved it 9 043

By watersport - 10/03/2010 17:56 - United States

Today, I woke up because I really had to pee. I got out of bed, went to the bathroom and went back to bed. Or so I thought. I did pee, but I only dreamed that I got out of bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 166

You deserved it 4 323

Drunk hookup ends with a… bang

By Anonymous - 14/10/2019 12:00

Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 482

You deserved it 554

StevoKing666 18

Saturday 21 November 2015 23:10

Congrats on the six pack

oiler 21

Saturday 21 November 2015 23:12

A 6 pack without the hassel? Nice!

Comments

CandSoriginals 1

Sunday 22 November 2015 2:05

just flip the cushion over

dkramer0313 17

Sunday 22 November 2015 3:39

Congradulations on your new six-pack man!

username13344 6

Sunday 22 November 2015 3:41

WOW!! You got a six pack over night. Your awesome. At least you didn't do the other part of the dream.?

SecundusSecunda 27

Sunday 22 November 2015 3:49

Trainers hate him! Discover the new secret to developing a six-pack overnight!

Kevinmeowbeanz 22

Sunday 22 November 2015 4:39

when you poop in your dreams, you poop for real!

oiler 21

Sunday 22 November 2015 5:38

so if you poop in real life you poop in dreams?

allforfun 23

Sunday 22 November 2015 18:19

Haha, the proctologist brother to Freddy Krueger

Colon_Man 17

Tuesday 24 November 2015 18:18

"That's some Matrix shit, right there!"

shadow1248 23

Sunday 22 November 2015 4:40

Damn, wish I could dream myself into a six-pack!

ShyVi 18

Sunday 22 November 2015 5:14

So which half came true?

stickthatwhere 16

Sunday 22 November 2015 5:25

shit man congrats on the 6 pack!!!!!

blackmater12 6

Sunday 22 November 2015 10:03

guessing u dont have a 6 pack?

n00bi1 5

Sunday 22 November 2015 11:59

So 6-pack is in the *****!

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I wrote a submission to FML and I realized that I could be doing so much more with my life than this. I mean really, I have real life stuff to deal with, and I don't have the time to be reading these s*itposts, much less making my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 538

Today, I was on my way home from a friend's house. I called home ahead of time to let my parents know I was on my way. My dad picked up and in a panting voice said, "Now isn't a good time, drive around the block for 15 minutes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 075

You deserved it 6 726

The Top

Today, I got banned from my boyfriend's house for being an "insurance liability." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 064

You deserved it 4 314

Today, I called the police to report that my car had been keyed. I remember going to a bar last night and getting drunk. A surveillance camera revealed that after my drunken self couldn't unlock the door to my car, I punched the door and hurt my fist so bad that I keyed my own car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 782

You deserved it 54 775

Today, I was kicked out of an Ed Sheeran concert because my friend arrived wasted on chardonnay. She didn't care because it was her 17th time seeing him. This was my 1st time seeing him and 1st time being kicked out of a place. I was dead sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 247

You deserved it 270

Today, for about the tenth time this month, I opened my mouth and was immediately told to, “Shut the fuck up” before I'd actually said anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 945

You deserved it 222

Today, I had lunch with an attractive foreign exchange student from Dresden. After bombarding her with questions about Russia, she smiled and kindly told me that Dresden is in Germany. Everyone laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 236

You deserved it 49 499

Today, I went to Target. I was on my way to the bathroom when I find a huge mirror. No one was around so I started to see how my butt looked in my jeans, checked up my nose and fixed my bra. An older woman then walks out of a door next to the mirror and explains that it's a two-way mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 587

You deserved it 47 220