Animals: Today, I was in bed with my cat on my lap. No one was around,...

By axwound - 27/12/2009 13:04 - United States

Today, I was in bed with my cat on my lap. No one was around, so I felt comfortable enough to let out a huge fart. What I didn't expect was my cat jumping up and then clawing and biting my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 549

You deserved it 29 263

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Catremorse - 01/08/2019 14:00 - United States - Centreville

Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 370

You deserved it 575

Threat Neutralized

By Anonymous - 23/07/2018 18:36 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I farted so loudly in my sleep that it woke myself, my husband, and our cat. The cat let me know he was startled by clawing and biting the perceived threat, my bum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 316

You deserved it 730

By nullpointer - 03/08/2016 04:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I farted so loud that my cat thought that I was growling at him, and bit me in self-defense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 809

You deserved it 1 990

By Anonymous - 29/07/2013 21:18 - United States

Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 800

You deserved it 12 917

Thanks for the support

By Anonymous - 01/03/2024 15:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, I came home very tired from a bad day at work, and really just wanted to relax on the couch for a while. My cat jumped into my lap, wanting affection. I was petting him, thanking him for his emotional support. He reciprocated by noxiously farting in my face and running away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 440

You deserved it 180

By pretty princess - 01/02/2009 08:55 - United States

Today, my cat, who is very 'don't-ever-touch-me', jumped up next to me as if she wanted to be stroked. In reality, she wanted to share a hellish fart. I need a new cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 820

You deserved it 4 958

By ambushcat - 06/07/2012 03:31 - United States

Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 514

You deserved it 28 637

Alone time

By Anonymous - 19/04/2021 14:00

Today, I had some unexpected alone time for the first time in months and decided to *ahem* play with an adult toy. As things were getting close to the end, my cat jumped up on the bed, saw the movement under the blanket and immediately pounced on my downstairs, puncturing certain delicate areas with his claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 300

You deserved it 335

By orely44 - 08/03/2013 14:13 - France - Rez

Today, after about fifteen minutes of my cat bullying me into letting him get onto my lap, I finally caved. He clambered on, turned around, farted in my direction, and got off as fast as he got on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 664

You deserved it 9 612

Smack my bitch up

By Anonymous - 02/06/2023 01:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I got naked after coming home. It's super hot where I live and I wanted to cool down before getting dressed again. As I was standing there, minding my own business, the cat I'm pet-sitting for a friend reached up and clawed me on the vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 229

Lia_Mackenzie 4

Sunday 27 December 2009 19:33

Would you want someone to fart massively while YOU were sitting on their lap?

aback 4

Sunday 27 December 2009 20:08

Just because cats lick their own asses doesn't mean they want to smell yours, too.

Comments

BikerMike 0

Monday 28 December 2009 3:19

must have been a nasty smelling fart. I fart on my cat all the time and he leaves. He also likes to stick his ass in my face also. my cat's ass makes a good avatar picture

iplaywow 0

Monday 28 December 2009 8:56

that is animal cruelty, you must now pay your cat a $500 fine

foscblondie23 0

Monday 28 December 2009 3:47

ouch!!

WTFsGoingOn 0

Monday 28 December 2009 6:24

You know, you'd think by now anyone who reads this site would have learned not to **** with their cat. On the other hand, I have 2 cats and am fostering a kitten right now as well. I have fostered or owned about 20 cats in my life and I have never had these types of issues with them. I guess there are just a lot of people here who are not cat people, and if you are not a cat person, you probably shouldn't own one.

emilybock 0

Monday 28 December 2009 7:17

hahahaha

bL4cKra1n_X 0

Monday 28 December 2009 7:34

been there done that. except Ima guy so it really hurt...

iplaywow 0

Monday 28 December 2009 8:57

well if the person is so attached with their pets, you shouldn't tell them to go get laid, not because they don't need it, but because they might not do it with a HUMAN

ihateme2 0

Monday 28 December 2009 9:45

yu loser x)

turnedoffTVgrey 0

Monday 28 December 2009 13:33

Only someone who has never gotten laid would tell someone to get laid just because they have a cat. You're probably also one of those Xbox assholes that gives shit to everyone that has a PS3 aren't you?