Animals: Today, I was in my basement when I saw a giant cricket on the...

By Anonymous - 10/09/2010 02:09 - United States

Today, I was in my basement when I saw a giant cricket on the floor. I found an old plastic bottle of orange paint to drop on it and did so from about five feet up. The bottle exploded and splattered the walls and floor like a crime scene. The cricket hopped away untouched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 054

You deserved it 50 835

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Same thing different taste

By lexii - 05/05/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, while trying to kill a spider in my kitchen, I thought it would be wise to throw a bottle at it. The bottle hit the wall, bounced off the fridge and hit me in the face. The lucky spider crawled away, and is surely still laughing somewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 742

You deserved it 30 888

Cool

By daisythebunny1988 - 21/03/2020 00:01

Today, I was sitting in my garage with a fan on my face because it was hot when a suicidal cricket decided to jump into the blades, causing his cricket guts to be sprayed onto my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 841

You deserved it 224

By romainmain - 16/09/2012 22:50 - France - Charleville-m?zi?res

Today, I saw a small bug on the wall, so I decided to send it straight to the insect afterlife by smashing it with a book. The book crushed it, and caused my clock to come free from the wall and crash down onto my TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 934

You deserved it 26 595

By rb - 01/05/2011 06:02 - United States

Today, I washed my hands and reached for the towel but felt something sticky. It was a house centipede. It exploded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 774

You deserved it 3 584

Leave spiders to chill

By Anonymous - 17/12/2020 14:07

Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 325

By spiderwoman - 15/04/2011 11:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a spider crawling across a poster in my bedroom, so I smacked the spot below it to scare the spider into climbing back up the wall. Instead, because the poster wasn't completely flat to the wall, I catapulted the spider straight into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 299

You deserved it 32 196

Spider-man

By Anonymous - 16/10/2019 16:00

Today, I tried to catch a spider in a glass. It was on the paper and I wanted it to fall into the glass, but I moved the paper the wrong way, screeched like a banshee and flung the glass at the floor. I was barefoot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 610

You deserved it 1 321

Juicy breakfast

By Anonymous - 07/01/2022 01:01 - Canada - Warman

Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 162

By bugnose - 16/05/2011 06:26

Today, I noticed an extremely large bug buzzing around my room. After several attempts, I stomped on it with my shoe. I was trying to get a closer look at my victory when it flew into my nostril. Turns out it was just playing dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 936

You deserved it 9 132

Hidden

By fml9124 - 20/09/2019 14:00

Today, I saw a scorpion crawling across the kitchen floor. While trying to swat it towards the middle of the floor to prevent it from escaping as I looked for something to kill it with, my cat came to investigate. Kitty thought I was playing with a new toy and joined in by batting the scorpion under the oven. I know it's plotting its revenge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 377

You deserved it 178

jim69_fml 0

Friday 10 September 2010 9:36

YDI moron

schwancy 2

Friday 10 September 2010 9:37

Have you ever tried using your foot? Or perhaps just leaving it alone?

Comments

Emmyangel 0

Friday 10 September 2010 21:27

what a rahtard

harry14jam 0

Friday 10 September 2010 22:58

wow 13 your so hot lol

Leveritas 12

Friday 10 September 2010 23:19

YDI for trying to kill a cricket!

maimay234 0

Saturday 11 September 2010 0:16

YDI for trying to murder a poor innocent creature? Abuse ;)

mxrcr 0

Saturday 11 September 2010 1:09

Why kill the cricket? Jesus...

RedPillSucks 31

Saturday 11 September 2010 3:00

Jesus killed a cricket?

Ashleexx 0

Saturday 11 September 2010 2:01

WTF why would you go to tht muchh trouble .. for a cricket !!

jennniferlea 4

Saturday 11 September 2010 2:26

I'm been considering words beginning with the letter "M" today... moron,mutiny, murderer, malice...

xxxbooxxx 16

Saturday 11 September 2010 2:40

:O don't hurt crickets!!! only spiders, rats, scorpians and snakes.

TaNmKm 0

Saturday 11 September 2010 3:17

This person defineatly lacks common sense but has a great amount of stupidity.

mickstisy 3

Saturday 11 September 2010 5:22

**** your life...why? bc you are ******* retarded

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The Top

Today, I confidently walked into what I thought was my friend's apartment for a party, only to find a confused elderly couple staring at me. Turns out, I was not only three doors down from where I thought his front door was, I was also on the wrong floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 135

You deserved it 411

Today, at work at an OB office, I heard a ruckus in the hallway before a very large woman burst into my room and tried to attack my very pregnant patient. Crazy lady is the wife of the pregnant lady’s baby daddy, who is nowhere to be found. I don’t get paid enough for this shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 64

The Top

Today, my local USPS delivery man refused to deliver any more packages to my house, because in the past, my dogs have barked at him and he feels threatened. He also filed a complaint about our house because apparently my driveway has branches that, to him, are considered "hazardous." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 891

You deserved it 4 075

Today, I went to my doctor to get the morning after pill. I explained to her that the condom broke and I was nervous. She simply asked me, "When?" so I replied "Towards the end." I didn't realize she was actually asking what day this happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 629

You deserved it 65 159

Today, I locked myself out and had to enter my house via the back door. Thinking I was an intruder, my 7-year-old daughter slammed a metal rake into the back of my head. Nice to know she can take care of herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 468

You deserved it 9 394

Today, my mom walked me to school to make sure I don't cut class. I'm 20 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 997

You deserved it 12 215

Today, I noticed a strange mark on the inside of my mouthwash bottle. As I was bending down to investigate, my hands tightened around the bottle and mouthwash squirted in my eye. It still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 406

You deserved it 690

Today, this guy I like let me wear his favorite baseball hat that he never takes off. I returned it to him later, only to find out I have lice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 112

You deserved it 16 895