Animals: Today, I was in my basement when I saw a giant cricket on the...

By Anonymous - 10/09/2010 02:09 - United States

Today, I was in my basement when I saw a giant cricket on the floor. I found an old plastic bottle of orange paint to drop on it and did so from about five feet up. The bottle exploded and splattered the walls and floor like a crime scene. The cricket hopped away untouched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 054

You deserved it 50 835

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Same thing different taste

By lexii - 05/05/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, while trying to kill a spider in my kitchen, I thought it would be wise to throw a bottle at it. The bottle hit the wall, bounced off the fridge and hit me in the face. The lucky spider crawled away, and is surely still laughing somewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 742

You deserved it 30 888

Cool

By daisythebunny1988 - 21/03/2020 00:01

Today, I was sitting in my garage with a fan on my face because it was hot when a suicidal cricket decided to jump into the blades, causing his cricket guts to be sprayed onto my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 841

You deserved it 224

By romainmain - 16/09/2012 22:50 - France - Charleville-m?zi?res

Today, I saw a small bug on the wall, so I decided to send it straight to the insect afterlife by smashing it with a book. The book crushed it, and caused my clock to come free from the wall and crash down onto my TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 934

You deserved it 26 595

By rb - 01/05/2011 06:02 - United States

Today, I washed my hands and reached for the towel but felt something sticky. It was a house centipede. It exploded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 774

You deserved it 3 584

Leave spiders to chill

By Anonymous - 17/12/2020 14:07

Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 325

By spiderwoman - 15/04/2011 11:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a spider crawling across a poster in my bedroom, so I smacked the spot below it to scare the spider into climbing back up the wall. Instead, because the poster wasn't completely flat to the wall, I catapulted the spider straight into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 299

You deserved it 32 196

Spider-man

By Anonymous - 16/10/2019 16:00

Today, I tried to catch a spider in a glass. It was on the paper and I wanted it to fall into the glass, but I moved the paper the wrong way, screeched like a banshee and flung the glass at the floor. I was barefoot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 610

You deserved it 1 321

Juicy breakfast

By Anonymous - 07/01/2022 01:01 - Canada - Warman

Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 162

By bugnose - 16/05/2011 06:26

Today, I noticed an extremely large bug buzzing around my room. After several attempts, I stomped on it with my shoe. I was trying to get a closer look at my victory when it flew into my nostril. Turns out it was just playing dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 936

You deserved it 9 132

Hidden

By fml9124 - 20/09/2019 14:00

Today, I saw a scorpion crawling across the kitchen floor. While trying to swat it towards the middle of the floor to prevent it from escaping as I looked for something to kill it with, my cat came to investigate. Kitty thought I was playing with a new toy and joined in by batting the scorpion under the oven. I know it's plotting its revenge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 377

You deserved it 178

jim69_fml 0

Friday 10 September 2010 9:36

YDI moron

schwancy 2

Friday 10 September 2010 9:37

Have you ever tried using your foot? Or perhaps just leaving it alone?

Comments

Richisme 0

Friday 10 September 2010 15:38

get a shoe you pussy

darryljustinhell 0

Friday 10 September 2010 15:43

who even does that ? why would you do that ? it's definitely not on the top 10 ways to dispose of an insect. geez. grow a pair, its a CRICKET

GrEaT_BaMbInO 0

Friday 10 September 2010 16:06

wow retard do the words contents under pressure mean anything to you?

stewpididiot 11

Friday 10 September 2010 17:40

Cricket Win !!!!! not very smart person

laurabev 9

Friday 10 September 2010 17:48

Karma FTW.

fishycanswim 0

Friday 10 September 2010 17:58

Crickets are good luck.

somewhat_fml 0

Friday 10 September 2010 18:06

YDI for being an idiot

FMyLifeCereal 0

Friday 10 September 2010 18:08

YDI for going to the Wile E Coyote school of pest control.

Jamesssy 0

Friday 10 September 2010 18:28

Today, I was hopping around innocently in the basement I live. Then some moron dropped a big bottle of orange paint on me. I got away, but my whole basement now looks like a crime scene. FML.