Animals: Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at...

By Anonymous - 11/06/2011 22:36 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 264

You deserved it 7 318

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Same thing different taste

Rocky VIX

By Anonymous - 29/09/2019 20:06

Today, I was laying with my face dangling down the side of my bed, when my kitten rushed up to me looking worried. He sniffed me for a while, then decided the best thing to do was to stand on his hind legs and start punching my face like a speed bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 357

You deserved it 363

By ambushcat - 06/07/2012 03:31 - United States

Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 514

You deserved it 28 636

By meowmeow - 21/09/2010 04:38 - Australia

Today, I noticed my kitten was growling and twitching in his sleep. I tried to wake him up by gently prodding him. He responded by waking up and attacking my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 778

You deserved it 31 288

By scratchpost - 28/10/2010 12:07 - United States

Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 927

You deserved it 4 622

Say sorry to Mr Whiskers!

By Anonymous - 10/05/2021 14:01

Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 329

Jackson Galaxy moment

By Foreigner Fail - 25/09/2022 13:30

Today, I meowed at my cat and he got really close to me. I then meowed again and he punched me in the face. Them's fightin' words, it seems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 370

By Catremorse - 01/08/2019 14:00 - United States - Centreville

Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 370

You deserved it 575

By Michelle - 20/02/2011 17:45 - United States

Today, my cat tried to kill me. While I was sleeping, he put his paws on either side of my face and laid down, covering my nose and mouth. While I was struggling to free myself, I could hear my sister laughing next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 108

You deserved it 4 973

That's the power of love

By Sorry kitty - 15/10/2023 09:00 - United States

Today, I tried to pet my cat. By doing so, I accidentally shocked her with the static electricity in my fingers, and she slashed my face in retaliation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 613

You deserved it 179

Beware!

By Anonymous - 24/11/2011 17:07 - United States

Today, my son told me he was afraid of monsters under his bed. When I poked my head under to show him nothing was there, the family cat sprang out and clawed me in the face. Now I have a gash on my chin, and my son refuses to go anywhere near his bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 116

You deserved it 3 832

xXshadowrollerXx 6

Sunday 12 June 2011 2:35

Your pussy is out of control.

flockz 19

Sunday 12 June 2011 2:47

sorry i hate beiing the grammar nazi but *onslaught

Comments

angryoriental 0

Sunday 12 June 2011 2:40

should put it down, by that I mean kill it

xXshadowrollerXx 6

Sunday 12 June 2011 2:43

What the hell is wrong with you? That wasn't funny in any possible way, you ought to put yourself down, and by that I mean, kill yourself.

flockz 19

Sunday 12 June 2011 2:41

sounds like one irritated pussy huh?

HippyKat13 7

Sunday 12 June 2011 2:42

#10, i am sorry that i offended you so greatly by belaying my post, and besides i dont care if im first anyway, just have ffun, jesh :)

TroIlsFTW 0

Sunday 12 June 2011 2:42

Kill the cat, buy a pug :P

AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml 12

Sunday 12 June 2011 2:44

Cats are awesome! =^_^=

User1518 6

Sunday 12 June 2011 8:38

Cats rock! I agree, by the way, I love your username/picture!!! (Avenged Sevenfold kicks ass!)

poopehdoo 9

Thursday 1 September 2016 2:12

A7x foREVer m/

HippyKat13 7

Sunday 12 June 2011 2:44

i was first....

TroIlsFTW 0

Sunday 12 June 2011 2:47

Mods FTW

Zombieslayer1 0

Sunday 12 June 2011 2:52

There doesn't need to be an onslaught of pussy jokes, we can talk about that one kid who wants to be a nun instead.

Zombieslayer1 0

Sunday 12 June 2011 2:54

I don't know how this happened, but this post was for #2. Sorry guys, I ****** up:

Cegal 0

Sunday 12 June 2011 2:46

try not having your face close enough to claw, domesticated doesn't mean calm.

rebekahah 7

Sunday 12 June 2011 2:47

you'll think again next time you wanna look at him funny.

salvorican 24

Sunday 12 June 2011 3:45

They're funny when their on catnip for sure :)

panda_chick 2

Sunday 12 June 2011 2:47

maybe she thought you were trying to challenge her??

smallory42 0

Sunday 12 June 2011 2:49

did you have tuna for lunch?

Keywords

Family Miscellaneous DIY Cats Poopoo peepee Work Awkward Management Frustration Am I overreacting? Capitalism Relatable Coworkers Transportation Dogs Animals ADHD Dating Love Mental health Health Anxiety Technology Sleep Noise Roommate Clumsy AITA Confused Parents

The Top

Today, my sister was concerned that her daughter (my niece) was sick, and hesitant to take her to the ER. I asked if she'd eaten something she shouldn't have, and she replied, "No, especially since we feed her the most healthy food we can." This was fine until I flipped out when she said, "We even give her raw milk so that she'll be strong." FML

I agree, your life sucks 425

You deserved it 120

Today, my dad has been faking social anxiety to make me feel like there's something wrong with me. How do I know? Because I actually have social anxiety, and he not only shows no symptoms of it, but he also has a lot of misconceptions about it that he would know are false if he actually did have it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 808

You deserved it 180

The Top

Today, my 8 year old adopted daughter told me she wants me to take her back so another family can adopt her because I don't give her enough toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 907

You deserved it 4 635

Today, after surgery on Monday, I can’t do much because of where my scars are until they heal. My husband won’t clean the house at all, dishes are all over my kitchen bar, laundry is all piled up by the washing machine. When I asked for help, he said it’s not his job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 283

You deserved it 581

Today, I was skiing really fast and there was a sign saying 'Slow Down'. Feeling rather good about myself I decided to jump over the sign. Whilst jumping, however, I caught my ski tips on the sign and went face first into the ground. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 233

You deserved it 55 546

Today, my brother babysat for me. He invited his girlfriend around without me knowing, and they were all playing hide and seek together. While he and his girl were hiding, they decided to have a quickie. My three year old found them and saw everything. She won't stop copying their sex noises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 201

You deserved it 3 637

Today, the cows on the neighboring farm have been lowing loudly for 3 days straight. The guy who runs the farm is unreachable. The people who own the farm and live right next to the stable claim they don’t hear a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 727

You deserved it 151

Today, I was walking out of the grocery store when out of nowhere, a car backing up pretty fast sped down the parking lot and hit me, causing me to fall down and drop all of my groceries. The woman jumped out of her car, not to help me, but to carefully check her bumper for scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111 928

You deserved it 4 674

Same thing different taste

Rocky VIX

Say sorry to Mr Whiskers!

Jackson Galaxy moment

That's the power of love

Beware!

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