Animals: Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark...

By trainE - 30/03/2009 02:08 - United States

Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 345

You deserved it 94 591

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

You wanker

By Jeremy - 10/05/2009 01:04 - United States

Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 301

You deserved it 87 308

By Sam l. - 10/11/2012 06:51 - United States

Today, my dog and I were sitting on the couch. I went to the bathroom, came back, and saw him walk over the remote, which caused the TV to change to the Hustler channel, just a few moments before my girlfriend walked through the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 159

You deserved it 3 653

Idyllic

By Anonymous - 09/03/2024 20:00 - Netherlands - Valkenswaard

Today, after watching TV, my boyfriend and I had to go walk our dog. I was too lazy to get up from the couch immediately so I teased him by turning off all the (smart) lights using my phone. He got mad and went upstairs to continue watching TV, so now I have to walk the dog alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 746

Sixth sense

By fappy dog - 23/01/2014 21:06 - United States - Granite City

Today, and for the past week, my dog has started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 616

You deserved it 11 277

WTF are you doing?

By Anonymous - 27/11/2019 18:00 - United States

Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room. She had my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 701

You deserved it 299

By misc - 10/02/2009 23:06 - United States

I agree, your life sucks 553 571

You deserved it 47 031

Bad doggo!

By coral - 08/07/2009 17:51 - United States

Today, I thought I was home alone so I went to take a shower and left my door open. My dog came in, stole my bra, and ran out of my bathroom. I jumped out and followed him, only to find out that my brother had two of his friends over. They all saw me naked, and my dog had my bra in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 671

You deserved it 12 417

By Puppy Loverr - 25/08/2011 07:12 - Australia

Today, I was getting a bit intimate with my boyfriend. Just when things were getting interesting, my dog managed to get into my room. He jumped on the bed and my boyfriend spent the next 20 minutes playing with the dog, while I sat next to him, half naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 441

You deserved it 4 844

Caught in the act

By MeAgainDr - 08/08/2023 04:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was taking advantage of an empty house to try and re-spark my sex drive. Despite my best efforts, I got bored and started watching something else, but when my housemate returned suddenly, I panicked - gave a guilty shout and fumbled my dick away as I changed the monitor over - back to porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 178

You deserved it 755

Bad boy

By dogdays - 10/11/2014 01:12 - Canada - Oshawa

Today, I left my dog alone while I went to work, as usual. He usually hangs out in the big bay window that faces the street. Today he decided to steal my vibrator and chew it while sitting in the window. I can only imagine how many people walked by and saw it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 024

You deserved it 7 230

shamille 5

Monday 30 March 2009 9:50

at least they didn't steal your dog

iBou_fml 4

Monday 30 March 2009 10:17

half an hour masturbating? :S

Comments

KillaJenkins 0

Monday 30 March 2009 10:47

#21, yeah... I know, but it says "found an open door." so if this person had locked it and someone still decided to rob the house, maybe they'd have broken a window or something and they'd have known their dog wasn't just barking.

vxjazz 0

Monday 30 March 2009 10:51

Get another dog.

nukemdukem 8

Monday 30 March 2009 11:09

Who masturbates for 30min!

Kimienxtc 0

Monday 30 March 2009 11:10

Honry arseh0le! :P But seriously, how would you not ger distracted man? 30 mins?!

2an1a 4

Thursday 15 July 2010 20:23

#24 &#25..i know right 30 minutes..dude u need to get laid

Anony_fml 0

Monday 30 March 2009 11:34

#24 - People who don't have premature ejaculation, which you must have

ILIEKGIRLS 5

Monday 30 March 2009 12:01

#9 Drop it, nigga!

Rick_S 3

Monday 30 March 2009 13:03

Did you have to tell us you were masturbating? You couldn't have just said you were busy in your room and didn't want to be distrubed? ILIEKGIRLS: I hope that comment get's moderated.

JanL1993 0

Monday 30 March 2009 13:17

your a dumb ass

Wildcard 0

Monday 30 March 2009 13:31

#28 the story just wouldn't have been the same if he didn't tell us about how it takes him 30 mins to jerk off. Today, I was sitting in my room staring at the wall when my dog started obnoxiously barking like he always does, so I ignored it. I continued to stare at the wall for another 30 minutes. When I was done, I went downstairs and found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML