Animals: Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark...

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By trainE - 30/03/2009 02:08 - United States

Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 352

You deserved it 94 606

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Same thing different taste

You wanker

By Jeremy - 10/05/2009 01:04 - United States

Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 309

You deserved it 87 328

By Sam l. - 10/11/2012 06:51 - United States

Today, my dog and I were sitting on the couch. I went to the bathroom, came back, and saw him walk over the remote, which caused the TV to change to the Hustler channel, just a few moments before my girlfriend walked through the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 163

You deserved it 3 663

Idyllic

By Anonymous - 09/03/2024 20:00 - Netherlands - Valkenswaard

Today, after watching TV, my boyfriend and I had to go walk our dog. I was too lazy to get up from the couch immediately so I teased him by turning off all the (smart) lights using my phone. He got mad and went upstairs to continue watching TV, so now I have to walk the dog alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 777

Sixth sense

By fappy dog - 23/01/2014 21:06 - United States - Granite City

Today, and for the past week, my dog has started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 625

You deserved it 11 278

WTF are you doing?

By Anonymous - 27/11/2019 18:00 - United States

Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room. She had my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 721

You deserved it 301

By misc - 10/02/2009 23:06 - United States

I agree, your life sucks 553 736

You deserved it 47 051

Bad doggo!

By coral - 08/07/2009 17:51 - United States

Today, I thought I was home alone so I went to take a shower and left my door open. My dog came in, stole my bra, and ran out of my bathroom. I jumped out and followed him, only to find out that my brother had two of his friends over. They all saw me naked, and my dog had my bra in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 681

You deserved it 12 423

By Puppy Loverr - 25/08/2011 07:12 - Australia

Today, I was getting a bit intimate with my boyfriend. Just when things were getting interesting, my dog managed to get into my room. He jumped on the bed and my boyfriend spent the next 20 minutes playing with the dog, while I sat next to him, half naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 455

You deserved it 4 849

Caught in the act

By MeAgainDr - 08/08/2023 04:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was taking advantage of an empty house to try and re-spark my sex drive. Despite my best efforts, I got bored and started watching something else, but when my housemate returned suddenly, I panicked - gave a guilty shout and fumbled my dick away as I changed the monitor over - back to porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 184

You deserved it 777

Bad boy

By dogdays - 10/11/2014 01:12 - Canada - Oshawa

Today, I left my dog alone while I went to work, as usual. He usually hangs out in the big bay window that faces the street. Today he decided to steal my vibrator and chew it while sitting in the window. I can only imagine how many people walked by and saw it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 032

You deserved it 7 235

shamille 5

Monday 30 March 2009 9:50

at least they didn't steal your dog

iBou_fml 4

Monday 30 March 2009 10:17

half an hour masturbating? :S

Comments

chemical182 0

Monday 30 March 2009 18:53

I wanna know why you were home alone, and not watching **** on the downstairs t.v.? It's probably way bigger then the one in your room. YDI

OrdinaryMan_fml 0

Monday 30 March 2009 19:26

Half an hour... good job :) Hope you enjoyed it for the price you had to pay lol.

kisskiss_fml 0

Monday 30 March 2009 19:53

it sucks but u definitely deserved that one i would have stopped and at least checked to see if everything is ok even if he does do it all the time. my dog does the same thing but i still check especially if im alone in the house to make sure theres no one trying to break in. sucks u should have checked to be sure.

1073kat 0

Monday 30 March 2009 20:10

HHAHAHAHA OMG sorry man that blowsssssss

john6391 0

Monday 30 March 2009 20:39

well think of it this way. what if you went downstairs and confronted them. what would you have done. and they could have been armed. beating off prolly saved your life.

britt030209 0

Monday 30 March 2009 21:30

Lol! You just got "jacked" in two ways instead of one! Love it! You seriously should have had sense enough to see why your dog was so upset though. Did you think he was cheering you on or something? Dog: "Go man go! Wow I wish I had thumbs so I could do that!"

Nice_but_Unlucky 0

Sunday 31 January 2010 20:25

at least they didn't walk in on him, it's bad enough for family to walk in on me jackin off, but if the stranger was Horney the masturbating dude could be in for it :( hey, if he checked on what was happening, he could be hurt or killed. masturbating could have saved his life!

KyleOkposofan 0

Monday 30 March 2009 21:48

Who the hell could stand to let their dog bark for 30 minutes straight? I'd go, and make him shut the **** up within ten minutes of constant barking.

Insert_Wit_Here 0

Monday 30 March 2009 21:55

At least the person stealing your TV didn't do anything to shut your dog up. That would have been a much bigger price to pay than having your TV stolen, unless you're a dirt-bag robot with no fake heart. I'm actually amazed that someone would continue stealing something when there's a dog barking that loudly anyway, that guy was determined. Also, #60, dogs don't with they had thumbs so they could beat it. They have tongues.