Intimacy: Today, I was out eating lunch with my parents when my mom complained...

By Username - 29/10/2010 23:15 - France

Today, I was out eating lunch with my parents when my mom complained that I eat too quickly and don't thoroughly chew my food. My dad exclaimed, "That's because she swallows!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 684

You deserved it 5 900

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Same thing different taste

By unwanted daughter - 02/07/2014 15:54 - Canada - Oliver

Today, I overheard my mother talking to her friend, and using me as an example of how it's sometimes best to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 212

You deserved it 5 855

Highly inappropriate

By Anonymous - 27/05/2013 22:15 - United States - Lehi

Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 049

You deserved it 3 752

By SMS123 - 25/06/2010 19:42 - United States

Today, I was eating lunch with my boyfriend when I started choking. My boyfriend took it as an opportunity to sneak food off my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 482

You deserved it 4 789

Pleased to meet you

By Cookie Monster nom nom - 17/05/2021 15:01 - United States

Today, I went out on a date with a cute girl. Everything was going great, until the food arrived. She not only shoveled food into her mouth like it was going to run away, she also smacked, sucked her fingers and laughed out loud with her mouth completely full. It was like dining with a 5-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 121

You deserved it 194

Meet the family

By OhMeGerd - 05/10/2012 14:56 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I was invited to my boyfriend's house for dinner for the first time. His mom made a fantastic dinner, so I showed my appreciation by eating the lot. Apparently I was overdoing it because when I looked up everyone was staring. His dad muttered, "Slow the hell down." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 480

You deserved it 29 019

Attention!

By choker - 14/03/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I went to Walmart with my mom. At the checkout line I was eating a bag of chips as my mom bought her stuff. I inhaled while eating and I started to choke. The cashier asked me if I was OK. My mom just waved her hand, and said, "Sometimes she does that for attention, ignore her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 94 880

You deserved it 8 304

Picture perfect

By anonymous - 23/03/2009 19:22 - United States

Today, I was having lunch with my sister and my mother. While my mom was busy ordering food, my sister said to me, "Look at this!" then contorted her face so that she had a double chin. My mother looked over and said to her, "Stop making fun of your sister!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 880

You deserved it 5 400

By Anonymous - 13/01/2012 00:59 - United States

Today, my mother called me a "wasteful child" because I threw up my lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 889

You deserved it 3 063

Double entendre

By mel - 11/05/2012 21:23 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, while in the break room at work, I laughed at a co-worker's joke and started choking on my drink. My boss exclaimed in front of everyone, "We need to teach this girl how to swallow!" to everyone's childish amusement. Now they won't stop calling me Spit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 022

You deserved it 3 160

By hungry - 12/02/2009 00:06 - United States

Today, my mom asked me if I had an eating problem because I've been eating less. I only started eating less because she told me I ate too much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 677

You deserved it 3 509

XsianinvasionX 0

Saturday 30 October 2010 2:43

I love ur dad I wish mine was that cool

beguile 0

Saturday 30 October 2010 2:42

lol. that sucks.

Comments

lowens110 0

Tuesday 16 November 2010 1:18

how would your dad know sick!

arthur2190 0

Thursday 18 November 2010 7:09

your dad is tight!!!!!

epicWINisFAIL 0

Thursday 9 December 2010 15:37

Pure win

Casowsky 0

Friday 17 December 2010 20:51

you should probably get that seen to then

Rasetsu 10

Sunday 21 August 2011 21:50

Your dad rocks!

lonelyharts86 8

Sunday 3 June 2012 19:56

Lol this is a good one

animal50199 10

Tuesday 17 July 2012 19:31

Wow. I would have puked under the table right then and there.

onorexveritas 23

Tuesday 25 December 2012 21:10

lmao!!!!

sickerthanyou 13

Tuesday 15 October 2013 17:17

your dad knows you swallow because he raised a good girl, and good girls always swallow :D.

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The Top

Today, I met my boyfriend's family. He calls his parents things like “geriatric hag” and “old clown”. I was about to yell at him, but they started calling him “nancy boy” and “nerd”. Apparently they love each other, but only communicate through abuse. I can’t believe I may soon marry into this mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 614

You deserved it 1 291

Today, I have COVID. My almost ex-wife is taking our kid to Thanksgiving with her family, but asked if he could stay longer with me (while I'm in quarantine), I said OK, no energy to argue, but she pushed and when I said, "If he's negative and has no symptoms it seems unnecessary" she screamed, "I DON'T WANT TO KILL MY PARENTS!" FML

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You deserved it 372

The Top

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You deserved it 3 847

Today, it's so insanely hot that no matter how often I shower or use deodorant the smell of my armpits makes me feel physically sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 866

You deserved it 1 069

Today, marks 2 weeks since I got Oral Allergy Syndrome, a.k.a. randomly becoming allergic to apples, bananas, strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, blackberries, grapes, mangos, carrots, celery, beets, sunflower seeds, fennel, my toothpaste, and more things I just haven't tried yet. I'm vegan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 864

You deserved it 2 280

Today, my mom dragged me along with her to a baby shower. I was the only guy there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 601

You deserved it 615

Today, I'm at the ER for my first ever UTI and potential other "down there" issues. Yesterday I got married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 245

You deserved it 266

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to Super Glue a couple of quarters to the sidewalk downtown and watch people try to pick them up. Unfortunately, street patrol was watching me glue everything the whole time. I was fined with public vandalism and defacing US currency. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 537

You deserved it 101 387