Intimacy: Today, I was out eating lunch with my parents when my mom complained...

By Username - 29/10/2010 23:15 - France

Today, I was out eating lunch with my parents when my mom complained that I eat too quickly and don't thoroughly chew my food. My dad exclaimed, "That's because she swallows!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 684

You deserved it 5 900

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By unwanted daughter - 02/07/2014 15:54 - Canada - Oliver

Today, I overheard my mother talking to her friend, and using me as an example of how it's sometimes best to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 212

You deserved it 5 855

Highly inappropriate

By Anonymous - 27/05/2013 22:15 - United States - Lehi

Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 049

You deserved it 3 752

By SMS123 - 25/06/2010 19:42 - United States

Today, I was eating lunch with my boyfriend when I started choking. My boyfriend took it as an opportunity to sneak food off my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 482

You deserved it 4 789

Pleased to meet you

By Cookie Monster nom nom - 17/05/2021 15:01 - United States

Today, I went out on a date with a cute girl. Everything was going great, until the food arrived. She not only shoveled food into her mouth like it was going to run away, she also smacked, sucked her fingers and laughed out loud with her mouth completely full. It was like dining with a 5-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 121

You deserved it 194

Meet the family

By OhMeGerd - 05/10/2012 14:56 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I was invited to my boyfriend's house for dinner for the first time. His mom made a fantastic dinner, so I showed my appreciation by eating the lot. Apparently I was overdoing it because when I looked up everyone was staring. His dad muttered, "Slow the hell down." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 480

You deserved it 29 019

Attention!

By choker - 14/03/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I went to Walmart with my mom. At the checkout line I was eating a bag of chips as my mom bought her stuff. I inhaled while eating and I started to choke. The cashier asked me if I was OK. My mom just waved her hand, and said, "Sometimes she does that for attention, ignore her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 94 880

You deserved it 8 304

Picture perfect

By anonymous - 23/03/2009 19:22 - United States

Today, I was having lunch with my sister and my mother. While my mom was busy ordering food, my sister said to me, "Look at this!" then contorted her face so that she had a double chin. My mother looked over and said to her, "Stop making fun of your sister!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 880

You deserved it 5 400

By Anonymous - 13/01/2012 00:59 - United States

Today, my mother called me a "wasteful child" because I threw up my lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 889

You deserved it 3 063

Double entendre

By mel - 11/05/2012 21:23 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, while in the break room at work, I laughed at a co-worker's joke and started choking on my drink. My boss exclaimed in front of everyone, "We need to teach this girl how to swallow!" to everyone's childish amusement. Now they won't stop calling me Spit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 022

You deserved it 3 160

By hungry - 12/02/2009 00:06 - United States

Today, my mom asked me if I had an eating problem because I've been eating less. I only started eating less because she told me I ate too much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 677

You deserved it 3 509

XsianinvasionX 0

Saturday 30 October 2010 2:43

I love ur dad I wish mine was that cool

beguile 0

Saturday 30 October 2010 2:42

lol. that sucks.

Comments

gkflower 0

Saturday 30 October 2010 6:03

awkward..

DNMendez95 3

Saturday 30 October 2010 6:03

he would know

theshocker09 1

Saturday 30 October 2010 6:20

swallows like a good girl should =]

QwertyMcNugget 0

Saturday 30 October 2010 6:25

Score one for Daddy-o.

MrWinner 0

Saturday 30 October 2010 6:43

Get pooped on! But anyway grow up. It's a joke jeez op. Whiner much!

lovergirl2 0

Saturday 30 October 2010 7:07

so he knows this how??? Did u give him a header or sumtin

Primus_fml 0

Saturday 30 October 2010 7:17

I saw this is moderation. I said no. My family is ALWAYS like this. It's quite funny and also called having a sense humor. You should get one.

daitan 3

Saturday 30 October 2010 7:57

That's just funny lol 

Independantlove 0

Saturday 30 October 2010 8:15

llamas spit..... camels drool... 

TheTwilightKnigh 0

Saturday 30 October 2010 8:45

classic! but yeah your dad's a dick for that.

Keywords

Coworkers Work Cars Animals Dogs Transportation Miscellaneous Photography Art Videos Love Awkward Health Money Scams My ex Sex Family Am I overreacting? Healthy Lifestyle AITA Babies Kids Sleep Mental health Parents Cheating Break-ups Social Media Friends

The Top

Today, I bought my fiancée a dress for her birthday. She accused me of saying she was fat, because I bought it in medium rather than small. After trying on the dress, she's now not only mad at me for buying it, but also because the dress fits perfectly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 405

You deserved it 4 549

Today, it's Thanksgiving and I've spent the last few days imploring my husband not to antagonize my Trump-loving family by talking about the fact that they didn't look into what tariffs were at the time, and now they might have to close their business. Wish me luck… FML

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 234

The Top

Today, I found out that my dog is a pro at pooping directly into shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 417

You deserved it 3 963

Today, my mom kept swearing and punished me while I was in an online lesson. I almost got punished by the teacher as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 107

Today, a waiter fucked up by bringing a dessert with engagement ring to our table. My girlfriend started crying and saying, "Yes Yes Yes!" The look on her face when she had to take the ring off and give it back to the other woman… She’s now giving me the silent treatment, even though I did nothing wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 104

Today, my 5 year old-son and I went out for a walk. As I was looking in a shop's the window display, I turned around to see my son pooping into an open manhole on the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 769

You deserved it 9 581

Today, I found out my sister has been "borrowing" my adult toys and putting them back without washing them well enough. How did I find out? I came back positive for an STI. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 273

You deserved it 284

Today, I saved a baby bird from the site I work on. It was the runt and did not have any feathers and was neglected by the mother. I took care of it all day at work and planned on taking it to a wildlife reserve after work. Two minutes away from the reserve, we hit a pothole and I dropped it. It died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 754

You deserved it 254