Intimacy: Today, I was patting my kitten who was asleep underneath the...

By djoe - 28/10/2010 12:00 - Australia

Today, I was patting my kitten who was asleep underneath the blanket on my lap. My roommate walked in and gave me disgusted look. She thought I was playing with myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 888

You deserved it 6 323

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 20:53 - United Kingdom

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 586

You deserved it 6 494

By Anonymous - 25/02/2010 00:29 - United States

Today, my roommate brought a kitten to the apartment. I hate cats, and probably sensing this, the thing clawed me right in the crotch. I of course am not going to say a thing because I happen to be in love with my roommate, but she has no clue how much I hate this thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 985

You deserved it 28 077

Proof

By misoranomegami - 21/06/2014 02:48 - United States

Today, my mother came over to check on my new kitten while I was at work. She took a video of the kitten playing on my bed and climbing on my nightstand. Right on top of my vibrator I forgot to put away. I'm not sure if she noticed or not but she's certainly been showing the video around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 770

You deserved it 16 356

Rocky VIX

By Anonymous - 29/09/2019 20:06

Today, I was laying with my face dangling down the side of my bed, when my kitten rushed up to me looking worried. He sniffed me for a while, then decided the best thing to do was to stand on his hind legs and start punching my face like a speed bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 355

You deserved it 361

I did not consent to this under my roof

By CatBlock - 31/01/2014 06:16 - United States - Decatur

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cockblocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 357

You deserved it 8 011

By nenette - 12/11/2014 22:50 - France

Today, as my kitten was sleeping on my lap, my boyfriend crept up on us and yelled, "BOO!" to make me jump. I wasn't scared, but the cat was. He tensed up and jumped to the floor. He also apparently had the runny shits, spraying me and the couch on his way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 744

You deserved it 3 579

By axwound - 27/12/2009 13:04 - United States

Today, I was in bed with my cat on my lap. No one was around, so I felt comfortable enough to let out a huge fart. What I didn't expect was my cat jumping up and then clawing and biting my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 544

You deserved it 29 256

Good Meowrning!

By piliseep - 01/12/2017 09:00 - United States - Apex

Today, at 6 am, I was suddenly jerked from the warm embraces of sleep by the smell of poo. I was very groggy and confused when my hand landed in something wet and cold. I turned on the light and was horrified to find that my kitten took a huge dump in my bed. It was everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 616

You deserved it 570

By Anonymous - 13/02/2014 15:20 - United States - Reno

Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 284

You deserved it 19 003

By Anonymous - 05/06/2009 04:28 - United States

Today, I took a nap with a kitten I just adopted from my mom's house. To make her feel more comfortable, I took a nap with her on my bed. In my dream, I kept smelling poo and I felt around on the bed to find the kitten. She apparently had diarrhea on my bed and I had stuck my hand in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 237

You deserved it 8 304

dacho 7

Thursday 28 October 2010 19:56

Petting your pussy?

mintcar 9

Thursday 28 October 2010 19:50

So? Just explain.

Comments

5t3ff1k4h 44

Friday 29 October 2010 3:03

Well you were petting -a- pussy...

Mister_Grinch 0

Friday 29 October 2010 3:53

Why stroke your pussy when it's asleep?! No pun intended.

axelminion 0

Friday 29 October 2010 4:49

well you were playing with your pussy

psychodude8 4

Friday 29 October 2010 6:28

well technically you WERE playing with your pussy...

TheRightEye 3

Friday 29 October 2010 6:47

So regardless of whether your roomate was right or wrong, you were stroking your pussy?

phorcep 0

Friday 29 October 2010 7:16

in after pussy jokes

azzaj 0

Friday 29 October 2010 7:16

Well done, fellow South Aussie, for getting a FML through. :)

zenti 2

Friday 29 October 2010 8:32

Hey guys, can we get more unoriginal pussy jokes in the comments section? I mean, it's not like there are enough here already.

aannddaayy 0

Friday 29 October 2010 12:53

you were rubbing your pussy(cat)

Gazarok 0

Friday 29 October 2010 13:12

removes blankets, show your roommate the kitten. problem solved?

Keywords

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