Sure, it's a word. A loaded word that's hurtful to people who have had it lobbed against them. I know it slipped out of OP's mouth under stress and was not directed at anyone with an intellectual disability, but there are enough people who use it in an intentionally cruel manner that it's more than "just" a word, and recognizing that is the mark of being a grown-up.

Queer is a word used for degradation but a lot of queer people use it, including myself.

There are lots of words that can be used and people get offended. For example "****", or "bitch". Calling someone a "tool" can be considered offensive. Calling someone retarded is offensive, but it's an insult to the person they are calling it too. Most people probably aren't making fun of the disabled when they call someone else a retard.

Words like "queer," "bitch," even "****" are different, though, in that some members of the groups who have been insulted by them are deliberately reclaiming those phrases as a source of pride and self-identification. I've worked in and with schools for several years, and I can't say that any of the special-needs students or parents that I've encountered felt anything except shame and hurt when they heard the word "retarded," no matter what context it was used in. I'm a fan of a good f-bomb, as long as it's strategically deployed. I'd never say it in a work environment, for example example. But even if the act it's most literally used to describe is offensive to some people, the word itself has never been used to denigrate an entire group of people.

Don't be retarded. This is the Internet. Where people are overly sensitive and everything HAS to be politically correct.

#47 it's different though because retarded is an archaic word more or less but people still use it solely because of hurtful slang. queer is a legit term still used by queer folk and on the flipside I almost never heard people use queer as a slur... usually it a lot more unpleasant of words are used for slurs towards queer peeps. really grinds my gears people use slurs at all. but I do know first hand collaqialisms run deep in one's blood and sometimes it takes a non flustered stable minded soul to not use them (as this would be done absent-mindedly) ... so I would not take offense to OP's statement even if I were mentally handicapped... granted what level of comprehension I was at but I digress... I'll shut up now lol.

Not the same. Queer people reclaiming a word is one thing. Special needs people are not reclaiming retarded.

While the word does offend me an I don't like it I understand some people use it as a way for a situation. Now if my great uncle was around we'd be having a disabled battle. Yes I'm disabled, but not as heroically as you. He was old school 86 when he past last year and terrorized because he was mentally Challenged which is the correct terminology, kids and adults calling him retard. However in that situation at least that's all you said while not the smartest at least you didn't tell the grooms mom you were about to wear red instead if she didn't get out. In my defense she was arguing that she should get all his benefits at death an our house and vehicles on our wedding day. Thanks for your service, and hopefully congratulations.

I agree that "retarded" is on the same scale as the n-word or some of the "clever nicknames" aimed at my Jewish relatives...not something to be used if at all avoidable. But as I mentioned above, I probably would've told the in-laws to go **** themselves if I'd been in a similar situation, which isn't any better from their perspective. Good luck to you and your fiancée.