Intimacy: Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching...

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By DisgustinglyFrustrated - 10/10/2013 15:40 - Argentina - Rosario

Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 262

You deserved it 18 033

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Same thing different taste

Easily scared

By Anonymous - 17/02/2022 17:59 - France

Today, I was having some sexy time with my boyfriend, when suddenly he jumped out of the bed, screaming. Not having my glasses on, it took me few seconds to understand that a voyeurist cockroach was in the bed with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 286

You deserved it 171

By Diogo Filipe de Almeida - 29/07/2018 06:00

Today, I was jerking off at 2am when a giant, thumb-sized cockroach came flying across my room, prompting me to scream pretty loudly. My mom then came into my room worried, only to find me naked on top of the couch, screaming like a little girl. I still had an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 128

You deserved it 2 868

By jaqlove - 02/07/2016 20:28 - United States - Clementon

Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 034

You deserved it 2 647

By all5fingers - 08/09/2011 05:23 - Canada

Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 629

You deserved it 3 247

By Whyis Dremora - 30/09/2018 15:00 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 848

You deserved it 301

By foxbrat - 11/10/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 238

You deserved it 3 298

By no name - 22/02/2011 12:25

Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 974

You deserved it 4 787

By mac - 27/01/2014 14:40 - Australia - Bankstown

Today, my roommate showed me a video of a cockroach crawling all over my face while I was asleep in the lounge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 430

You deserved it 4 379

By Anonymous - 12/06/2015 05:35 - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I was studying for a big test I have next Tuesday in my room. I heard a creak in my ceiling but assumed it was nothing as my house is old. Thirty seconds later something fell from my air vent directly onto my head. It was a giant cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 587

You deserved it 2 142

By cockroach - 27/09/2009 15:52 - United States

Today, I saw a cockroach on the ceiling. Immediately I got a stick to smack it down. When I hit it, it fell and landed in my mouth. Karma much? FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 333

You deserved it 16 757

GwennaRose 22

Thursday 10 October 2013 19:28

Maybe the cockroach just wanted to get in on the action

Welshite 39

Thursday 10 October 2013 19:29

Threesome? Oh god, that was a horrible image. *throws up*

Comments

matthews_van 10

Friday 18 October 2013 17:37

Molesting yourself sounds disturbing

Brak_Spaceman 19

Monday 28 October 2013 19:36

Cockroach goes where?

krmc82 13

Saturday 9 November 2013 15:52

Molesting yourself xD xD

katebabymp7 3

Monday 11 November 2013 4:52

Omg ewww.

shahir 3

Wednesday 13 November 2013 19:39

Haha!! Lol .. Cockroaches knows all d dirty holes!

steve26113 7

Wednesday 11 December 2013 1:41

Ceiling cockroach wanted to lend a hand...

likemice 6

Thursday 19 December 2013 18:13

So...you molested a cockroach?

blala2733 5

Monday 13 January 2014 6:04

Clean Ur ******* house!!!! Ahhhhh

cjwayy 22

Friday 21 March 2014 3:02

"molesting" yourself. Wow, that's totally not offensive and horrible to say.

AbbyMaexx 2

Sunday 13 April 2014 18:52

"molesting myself" that's a horrible way to put it. Do you even know what molesting means?

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Miscellaneous Parents Awkward Surprise Party Friends Weird Relatable LGBTQIA+ Love Health Diets Bodyshaming Mental health AITA Family Cancer Facebook Death Scams Football Embarrassing Teenagers Clothes Disappointment Education Religion Tinder Anger Jealousy

The Top

Today, a screenshot of an old tweet of mine went viral. Unfortunately, it was completely taken out of context, thinking it was saying the opposite of what I actually meant, and now I’m trending on both “Libs of TikTok” and “Woke Watch” or whatever the fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 161

You deserved it 346

Today, I had the most amazing lesbian sex of my life with this girl I had been crushing on for so long. Today is also the day I became practically homeless, courtesy of my parents, who apparently never heard of knocking before entering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806

You deserved it 382

The Top

Today, as usual, without fail, every time I wake up earlier than 10 AM, I vomit blood. No doctor can figure out why, and my parents think I'm lying, spoiled little princess who just wants to be lazy and sleep in every day. If I don’t wake up at 6 AM every day from now on, I’m grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 232

You deserved it 141

Today, I met my boyfriend's dad. He was wearing a suit, and talks like Carson the butler from Downton Abbey. At first I thought he was putting on an act, like he was going to yell "Surprise!" at any moment and start acting normally. Nope. That’s actually how he is and it’s weirding me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 295

You deserved it 147

Today, I was in a department store with my three year old daughter to buy some new jeans. I took her into the dressing room with me and as I began to take off my pants she yells, "Mommy, you can't go peepee in here!!" I am no longer welcome in that particular store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 402

You deserved it 3 864

Today, my teacher reached over to hand me a paper. I thought it would be funny to flinch and say, "Dad, please don't hit me". Unfortunately, he didn't think it was a joke, so I got questioned by the on-campus officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 952

You deserved it 47 864

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend, who I thought was finally out of my life for good, is now dating my new manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 64

Today, I learned that a female ferret can die if she doesn't have sex with a male for one year. Then I realized that if I were a ferret, I would have already died twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 107

Same thing different taste

Easily scared

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