Intimacy: Today, I was talking to an old man I met at a store. He just...

By Anonymous - 11/06/2015 21:20 - United States - Helena

Today, I was talking to an old man I met at a store. He just wanted to know a few things, and he asked about my day. I explained a few bad things that'd happened, then I thanked him for listening. He then asked, "So, how are we gonna do this?" He thought we were gonna fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 924

You deserved it 3 358

Summer: Sun, Sea and Blunders
Summer anecdotes where the sun shines... and blunders are never far away! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 12/01/2011 05:31 - Canada

Today, I was walking down the street and I saw an old man, and me feeling nice I asked him if I could help him cross the street. He responded with: "Only if you let me touch your tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 236

You deserved it 6 619

By Me - 31/01/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I got to talk to the guy I like. Thinking it would be about something pleasant. I was completely wrong. It was about the guy who sits in front of me and his masturbation problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 654

You deserved it 3 169

By robotchickens - 10/03/2010 19:54 - United States

Today, while on the bus, an old man told me about all the many things he wanted to do with my various orifices. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 173

You deserved it 2 707

PUA

By Anonymous - 13/03/2016 16:16 - United States - Smyrna

Today, while jogging in the park, a confused elderly gentleman asked me for directions, so I told him how to get to where he needed to go. He paused for a long moment, then asked me if he could eat me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 364

You deserved it 2 241

By csor027 - 29/09/2010 06:33 - United States

Today, I was having a good talk with a coworker and I was excited that I've made my first friend at work. After sharing some stories and some laughs he asked if I had a boyfriend. I said I do. He asked if I was always faithful, I said I was. He then walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 560

You deserved it 4 635

Missed you too

By ooook - 16/02/2009 17:08 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend came over. After I'd finished pouring my heart out to him about how much I missed him, and how much I loved him, he looked at me and asked, "So are we gonna do it, or what?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 268

You deserved it 11 586

Wanker

By Anonymous - 30/03/2009 06:10 - United States

Today, I volunteered at a nursing home. I approached a lonely, old man who had a type of nervous tick. I went over to speak to him, and not even four sentences into our conversation he says, "I'd really like to make love to you." What I thought was a tick was actually him stroking himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 545

You deserved it 4 566

I was bored before I even began

By Anonymous - 18/02/2021 23:01 - Germany - Zittau

Today, my ex started our conversation with, "How are you?" I asked whether this was just a way of greeting me, or if he genuinely wanted to know. He affirmed that he really wanted to know, then proceeded to talk about his work for the next two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 805

You deserved it 215

By sammy18f - 24/02/2015 03:46 - United States - Brentwood

Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 112

You deserved it 3 782

By noantiquesforme - 30/03/2015 18:39 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, an old man walked up to me, said, "Hey missy, you wanna see an antique?" and winked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 752

You deserved it 2 729

brookenicolee29 27

Friday 12 June 2015 9:45

Someone has seen a little too much ****.

Fern_Gully 20

Friday 12 June 2015 9:48

That old dog wanted you to teach him some new tricks... O.o

Comments

keiNan_fml 35

Friday 12 June 2015 10:04

what the ****.

ColonelCusswords 24

Friday 12 June 2015 10:31

******* was the whole point

rnayyyyy 12

Friday 12 June 2015 10:05

Why would you tell a random stranger all your problems?

PharmacyJoe 13

Friday 12 June 2015 10:43

Because venting helps a lot of people, and your friends could squeal about your problems to mutual friends. It's like what people do on this site: They tell strangers their problems in relative anonymity so that they can vent without telling everyone else in their lives.

vampivy23 16

Saturday 13 June 2015 0:03

That is literally the entire premise of FML.

ColonelCusswords 24

Friday 12 June 2015 10:18

Old dog needs to learn some new tricks

Polynomial 28

Friday 12 June 2015 15:20

Too little, too late. Not funny.

ColonelCusswords 24

Friday 12 June 2015 20:08

Insult to injury

Captain_Debilos_fml 13

Friday 12 June 2015 11:11

Say yes if he has a lot of money to give you in exchange.

noonenoeone 22

Friday 12 June 2015 12:22

Pics? I've got money...

enginsteve 17

Friday 12 June 2015 14:14

I don't, but hey, I've got personality!

flyingmind_fml 17

Friday 12 June 2015 11:20

children are not to blame :/

91hayek 31

Friday 12 June 2015 11:40

This is how we're doing this: I'm going to go over there and help that other gentleman, and you are going to go home and ride your stair lift to your afternoon nap before I lick my lips and give you a heart attack. Bye.