Work: Today, I was told I would not be getting the job I was offered... - FML

By Confused - 13/05/2013 14:39 - United States - Bath

Today, I was told I would not be getting the job I was offered because I failed my drug test. They never gave me a drug test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 637

You deserved it 3 144

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Same thing different taste

By DantesInfernalRage - 12/09/2017 13:00

Today, I had to resign from my job because I tested positive for drugs. I've never taken drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 935

You deserved it 261

By Anonymous - 10/06/2016 17:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to take a drug test for my new job, which I desperately need and which took me over a year to land. I got a shy bladder and couldn't pee. They marked me as non-compliant and revoked the job offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 712

You deserved it 1 317

By nowork - 28/08/2013 03:21 - United States - Liverpool

Today, I asked my boss for a raise, explaining that another shop offered me a job at a higher rate, but I would stay if he would offer me the same. Instead, he fired me then called the other shop and said I was fired for failing a drug test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 411

You deserved it 7 737

Take it up with HR

By Anonymous - 26/08/2024 16:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I got fired for failing a drug test for weed. My boss is the one who sells me weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 203

You deserved it 588

By heck - 12/08/2016 13:57

Today, I took a drug test. Not only did I fail the drug test, but I mostly missed the sample cup and got urine all over my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 154

You deserved it 18 524

Quiet quitting time

By Anonymous - 26/01/2023 04:00

Today, I went to do a drug test for a new job. While I was there, they said the job was part-time with no insurance. Previously it was supposed to be full time with insurance. Now I have to take a job that pays $20,000 less a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 121

By drug testing - 09/05/2013 22:22 - United States - Little Chute

Today, while answering an "anonymous" survey about how to keep my school drug free, I told them they should stop drug testing the kids that they know don't do drugs and test the sketchier ones. They in turn drug tested me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 142

You deserved it 15 327

How is that fair?

By Anonymous - 23/12/2013 00:58 - United States - Dekalb

Today, I found out I was passed over for the promotion I've wanted for 9 months at the fast food restaurant I work in. Who got the job? The 16 year old girl I trained 2 weeks ago. Their excuse was, "She has ambition." I'm going to college for food service management. She failed her drug test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 610

You deserved it 4 241

By xharmonyx - 24/04/2012 08:29 - United States

Today, I paid for someone else's piss so that I could pass my drug test. I didn't pass the drug test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 761

You deserved it 71 105

Just Say Yes

By bringthemback - 29/03/2014 10:34 - United States - Columbia

Today, my boss decided to have the whole staff drug tested and fire everyone who failed. Out of an original staff of 14 people, only my boss, two coworkers and I remain. I now have four times my normal workload and am seriously thinking maybe I should've said "Yes" to drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 118

You deserved it 4 258

Next

Top comments

tacojauns 45

Monday 13 May 2013 19:57

Man how high were you?

Ukeee_X 19

Monday 13 May 2013 19:57

Can you not testify that? It could be a mix-up.

Comments

Catkam623 27

Monday 13 May 2013 20:09

Offer to retake it

Enslaved 36

Monday 13 May 2013 20:10

Did they set one up and you failed to show up to it?

TheShadyMilkman 15

Monday 13 May 2013 20:22

So high you don't remember taking the test ehh?

kathryn14 19

Monday 13 May 2013 20:23

I guess that's why you failed it.

alwayswinning123 7

Monday 13 May 2013 20:39

That's trippy

Schiffy 18

Monday 13 May 2013 20:39

Not taking a drug test equals failing it? That kind of screws up "innocent until proven guilty."

perdix 29

Monday 13 May 2013 20:56

They were testing whether you'd bring them some Oxycontin and crystal meth, and you didn't, so you failed. You need to know the current business etiquette, like for instance, on your resume, you should put every NOUN in all CAPS. You need to learn to bring celebratory drugs to your new bosses, as opposed to the liquor of yesteryear.

Bano360 25

Monday 13 May 2013 21:07

That's HIGHly unfortunate.

Cheeley 17

Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:17

Capitalizing "high" in highly was highly unnecessary.

euphoricness 28

Tuesday 14 May 2013 4:37

Don't you mean HIGHly unnecessary?

jackaced 7

Monday 13 May 2013 21:24

Dude where's my drug test?

Zebediabolical 39

Monday 13 May 2013 21:30

That's some good weed, dude. Hook a brother up!

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Keywords

Food Toxic Family Miscellaneous Gross Love Health Valentine's Day Homeowners Home improvement Kids Awkward Drugs Babysitter Music Lonely Crush Wanker Intimacy Relatable Animals Cats Work Coworkers Transportation Airplanes Embarrassing Sleep Mental health Cute

The Top

Today, I was laying in the grass, staring into the blue sky and watching planes go by. My boyfriend snuggles down next to me; it was a sweet moment. He then told me all about how the planes above are leaving "chem trails", and that he believes the CIA is out to mind-control us all. Right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 330

You deserved it 5 853

Today, I was hugging my girlfriend after she had a really bad day at work, when she burst into tears and started sobbing. For some reason that I'll never understand, it gave me a hard-on. She felt it, and now she thinks I'm a sick bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 213

You deserved it 7 320

The Top

Today, I gave my husband an early Christmas present: Santa-themed lingerie. He got angry and called me selfish, for "using" him as an excuse to get myself nice stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 448

You deserved it 13 844

Today, I had to write a huge lab for my physics class. It's worth my entire quarter grade and I use a program on a CD for graphing. My mom thought it was a computer game and hid the CD. She can't find it. The lab's due tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 274

You deserved it 3 845

Today, I had to listen to my best friend explain how to properly unstick one's balls from one's leg. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 439

You deserved it 247

Today, I called my dad asking him to wish me a happy birthday. Yay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 751

You deserved it 1 159

Today, after having some great, intimate phone sex with my boyfriend, he immediately said, "Well, gotta go," and hung up. Thanks for making me feel like some sort of phone-hooker, dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 254

You deserved it 618

Today, not even 10 minutes into my job as a student teacher, I've had one student wipe boogers on me, another pee their pants, and a third won't stop crying for his mother. This is my first day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 170

You deserved it 1 842