Miscellaneous: Today, I was walking home from work, when a clearly homeless...

FML for mobile
Free

By Anonymous - 27/07/2012 19:26 - United Kingdom - Gorebridge

Today, I was walking home from work, when a clearly homeless guy who smelled like Jimmy Hoffa's colon grabbed me, pinned me to a wall, and demanded that I hand over my "booty". I don't know whether or not I was mugged by Jack Sparrow, but either way, he's now over £100 richer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 564

You deserved it 2 440

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 30/04/2012 21:46 - United States - Tampa

Today, I was walking home, when I saw a homeless man trying to tear the wallet out of another guy's hand. I can't stand bums, so I smacked him across the jaw. That's when the other one kneed me in the balls and made off with my wallet as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 818

You deserved it 43 281

Captain Badass

By NotAsToughAsHeThinks - 14/02/2011 03:25 - United States

Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? Go on then." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 168

You deserved it 54 057

By hobosarea-holes - 14/08/2010 23:10 - United States

Today, I picked up a penny off the street for good luck on my job interview. A few seconds later, a hobo beat me up, took my wallet, and ran off. The whole ordeal made me late for the interview. So much for good luck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 303

You deserved it 3 781

By pinkrazrgirl247 - 03/07/2009 06:29 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street, when a man behind me tapped me on the shoulder. He gave a $5 bill and said that he thought I had dropped it. Not having the integrity to turn him down, I took it. I spent the next 20 minutes being chased by a crazy hobo who claimed that it was his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 442

You deserved it 52 232

By dude - 24/03/2009 20:52 - United States

Today, I was walking downtown when a bum approached me for some change. I planned to give a couple dollars but after pulling out my wallet exposing my cash, the bum beat me unconscious. The bum is a 5'0" tall woman; I'm a 6'2" male out $200. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 146

You deserved it 34 277

What a tool

By kash - 01/06/2015 18:14 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend, when a guy pulled a knife and told us to hand over our money. My boyfriend blurted "I don't have shit, dude! She has tons of cash!" The moment the mugger turned to me, my boyfriend ran away at top speed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 086

You deserved it 3 220

By Tanner - 16/07/2011 06:23 - United States

Today, I got mugged. I also got an extra kick in the face for not having money in my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 456

You deserved it 3 685

By whathehell - 27/04/2013 08:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 149

You deserved it 3 643

By coffee - 22/08/2010 04:27 - United States

Today, while getting out of Starbucks there was a homeless guy. I bought him a coffee and he was so happy he gave me a hug. Guess whose wallet is missing? FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 486

You deserved it 13 625

It wasn't me

By Shopgirl - 06/08/2009 13:14 - Australia

Today, I found a wallet on the train. I called the owner, who said he would come around and pick it up. When he finally did, he looked inside and screamed that his money was missing, and that I was a dirty thief. I never took a cent. He's filing theft charges against me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 451

You deserved it 4 444

Docbee 11

Friday 27 July 2012 22:53

You're lucky he wanted your money and not the other type of booty

Redoxx_fml 22

Friday 27 July 2012 22:53

Why is the rum always gone?

Comments

unknown_user5566 26

Friday 27 July 2012 22:58

Too bad you didn't have any cupcakes. From what I hear, those are a great way to distract robbers. ;)

jetsown08 21

Friday 27 July 2012 23:31

Are you speaking from experience here?

unknown_user5566 26

Friday 27 July 2012 23:38

From FML experience. :) There was another post recently where the OP got mugged for their cupcake.

Roevera 14

Saturday 28 July 2012 0:06

Maybe it was the same thief.. He realized that one cupcake wasn't enough so he needed the money to buy more!

LGFUADnow 12

Friday 27 July 2012 22:59

Well pirates always get the booty.

crankawank 19

Friday 27 July 2012 23:00

Do what ye want for a pirate is free. YOU ARE A PIRATE!

umxduh 3

Friday 27 July 2012 23:01

I think there should be a "Captain" in there somewhere.

KjoeLjan 4

Saturday 28 July 2012 1:07

Thank you! It bugged me that nobody noticed this before.

UltimateGIRness 16

Friday 27 July 2012 23:01

(I know this is a stupid comment,but) I love the way this is worded

rooney0710 5

Friday 27 July 2012 23:09

Whatch for the poop deck

unknown_user5566 26

Friday 27 July 2012 23:40

The way you spelled "watch" made me think of the Family Guy where Stewie and Meg were putting a weird emphasis on the "h" in random words.

SqueakyChipmunk 21

Friday 27 July 2012 23:51

Everything is better with cool whip.

Xythenol 6

Friday 27 July 2012 23:57

We're gonna be here a hwhile...

unknown_user5566 26

Saturday 28 July 2012 0:36

52- "Aw, c'mon, that one doesn't even have an 'H' in it!" ;)

KiddNYC1O 20

Saturday 28 July 2012 2:39

Stewie's ******* hilarious.

unknown_user5566 26

Saturday 28 July 2012 6:12

Kidd- That he is, good sir! He is truly a demented, homicidal, hilarious baby. :)

brohamas16 7

Friday 27 July 2012 23:09

Least he was creative either sorry bout what happened

Axipiter 24

Friday 27 July 2012 23:49

Engrish pease?

brohamas16 7

Saturday 28 July 2012 1:20

.....not Chinese.....and that was English

olpally 32

Friday 27 July 2012 23:11

Loved the wording of this FML. Lol... You were mugged alright. Captain jack sparrow says thanks! :D

greenie213 23

Friday 27 July 2012 23:12

Arrr! Hand over ye pieces of eight. Surrender ye gold doubloons!

Dcm210 19

Friday 27 July 2012 23:19

i would've picked a fight with him

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Weddings Love Parents Religion Stalker Cheating Health Mental health Exhausted Technology Geek School Education Friends Narcissist Awkward Sports Miscellaneous Annoying Intimacy Sex Embarrassing Coworkers Work Kids Parenting Cute Weird Babysitter Healthy Lifestyle

The Top

Today, I had a date with a guy I've had a crush on for 6 years. Things got heated when we got back to his place, but he had trouble getting the condom on. As soon he got it on, he came. I told him it was ok, I'd help him get hard again. He said, "No thanks. I'm good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 034

You deserved it 4 706

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 711

You deserved it 15 147

The Top

Today, I finally got a cable box for my TV. When I was connecting the cable, my tv fell and shattered the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 407

You deserved it 334

Today, I went for a three-mile run. I was really proud of myself until I woke up from my dream in my bed, surrounded by empty soda bottles and fast food bags. I haven't worked out in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 458

You deserved it 12 109

Today, I was showing my grandson how to blow out the candles on his birthday cake. I got a little too close and set my hair on fire. The candles remained lit but my grandson was too terrified to go near them after the whole ordeal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 191

You deserved it 397

Today, I was listening to my favorite albums by the Prodigy. Most are from the '90s, with one from 2015. I caught myself thinking about how much better it is than what's out now. It was then that I realized that I AM the old curmudgeon who complains about "today's music." FML

I agree, your life sucks 741

You deserved it 253

Today, my boyfriend got off for real for the first time during sex. Apparently, he's been faking it for the past two months. I didn't even know guys could do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 002

You deserved it 25 075

Today, I walk out of my apartment to find that my car is decorated with explicit drawings and "Happy 21st birthday" stuff written all over it. To top it off, my vehicle is completely wrapped in plastic wrap. I'm 22 and my birthday is in December. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 975

You deserved it 2 156

Same thing different taste

Captain Badass

What a tool

It wasn't me

Top comments

Comments