Miscellaneous: Today, I watched my brother attempt to cook some eggs without...

By Anonymous - 20/02/2014 10:01 - United Kingdom - Great Malvern

Today, I watched my brother attempt to cook some eggs without turning the gas on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 865

You deserved it 5 019

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Same thing different taste

Gordon says you SUCK

By James - 01/04/2020 17:00

Today, my sister was so bored during the lockdown that she let me attempt to cook an omelette without turning the stove on, just so she had something amusing to watch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 735

You deserved it 1 322

By Anonymous - 02/10/2018 05:00

Today, I found out you really can burn down a kitchen by boiling an egg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 474

You deserved it 840

Masterchef

By sarah4241 - 26/07/2015 21:04 - United Kingdom - Belfast

Today, I was making some scrambled eggs. I had the eggs in a pan, stirring for about ten minutes, before I realised that the eggs were cooking very slow. I tried to figure out what was wrong for another few minutes before my grandma pointed out to me that the oven wasn't turned on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 782

You deserved it 21 150

By Anonymous - 22/09/2017 23:15 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, I decided to eat healthier. I started with making 2 eggs and burning down whole kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 323

You deserved it 822

Never say easy

By Anonymous - 25/06/2009 19:22 - United States

Today, I decided to make pancakes from scratch. I poured the batter in my Perfect Pancake pan. Then I told my brother who was watching, "This is so easy. Just watch." I burned 15 pancakes, including the one I dropped on the burner, which lit on fire, causing the alarm to go off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 437

You deserved it 53 490

By Anonymous - 11/01/2015 08:44

Today, my brother woke me up by trying to light my bed on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 948

You deserved it 2 841

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

By Anonymous - 30/04/2020 23:00

Today, I tried to make breakfast. I had everything cooking on the stove when I reached to turn on the faucet, only to find out that the head of the faucet was up the sleeve of my robe. After drying off, I went to serve my boyfriend his plate, but when I returned, the stove had caught fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 423

You deserved it 558

By Annon - 26/11/2011 11:38 - Australia

Today, the recycling bin caught fire. My little brother was "experimenting" with his magnifying glass, set an egg carton on fire and didn't realise you had to put it out before throwing it in the bin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 835

You deserved it 2 484

By francesa_loca - 14/10/2011 16:09 - Canada

Today, my father started drinking a little early. At some point, he got hungry and decided to boil eggs. He started a dozen, drank some more, and passed out on the couch. When I came home, all the water had boiled off and the eggs had exploded all over the kitchen. I'm still cleaning up the mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 966

You deserved it 2 524

By burned - 24/05/2009 13:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was cooking me dinner. He walked away and I decided to help by giving the pan of veggies a sautee flip. My boyfriend failed to mention that he had just pulled that pan out of a 500 degree oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 115

You deserved it 64 142

Wizardo 33

Thursday 20 February 2014 12:48

The fire is there just like the cooking skills you can't see, muggles.

pdp_fml 21

Thursday 20 February 2014 12:43

He should watch some you tube videos to learn how to cook.

Comments

Tucking_Fypo 9

Thursday 20 February 2014 12:59

More like FHL, not yours. :D

Ihavegas 22

Thursday 20 February 2014 13:00

the stupid it burns

FitForFun 11

Thursday 20 February 2014 14:31

It obviously doesn't burn without gas.

ChenEighty 20

Thursday 20 February 2014 20:07

But according to his username, he has some~!

Ihavegas 22

Friday 21 February 2014 1:55

some people just don't get it

Curlytwirly22 17

Thursday 20 February 2014 13:01

I give that a double face palm because one face palm doesn't even begin to explain it :/

warsun 27

Friday 21 February 2014 6:18

How does a facepalm explain something?

onedayinamsterda 14

Thursday 20 February 2014 13:01

Could he possibly have something on his mind that distracted him. You know we all do have some "duh" moments.

jillyanzen 19

Thursday 20 February 2014 13:02

I'm more curious about how long he actually tried to cook the eggs for. Haha.

_kyleG_ 34

Thursday 20 February 2014 13:09

Cocaine's a hell of a drug

AFCCT 7

Thursday 20 February 2014 15:07

Here, enjoy this cold glass of stfu. Complements of the FML community.

holeyman 8

Friday 21 February 2014 7:13

I think marijuana was the culprit here

buttcramp 21

Sunday 23 February 2014 9:02

you don't get hungry on cocaine.

worldclassrager 39

Thursday 20 February 2014 13:18

If he made some mean eggs Benedict or a greet topping for a good steak a le tartar I will totally learn from him...

LennyComa 39

Thursday 20 February 2014 13:28

Must of been using an electric stove....Oh wait you mean he tried to cook without a heat source at all?...What a goof!

JMichael 25

Thursday 20 February 2014 13:59

Well he's trying at least.

TheShyCreeper 7

Thursday 20 February 2014 14:03

.... I can't use "eggcelent" with this post, it just doesn't work.

Keywords

Miscellaneous Family Cats DIY Awkward Management Poopoo peepee Work Am I overreacting? Capitalism Relatable Coworkers Frustration ADHD Dogs Animals Transportation Dating Love Health Anxiety Technology Mental health Sleep Noise Roommate Clumsy Confused AITA Parents

The Top

Today, the girl I love who friendzoned me called to talk. She shared the marvelous things she'd done for her friend's birthday, then said, "You had a recent birthday too." Then she laughed. We'd talked multiple times without her mentioning my birthday. She ignored it on Facebook. Time for no contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 172

Today, my parents told me that unless I think about my behaviour and make some real changes, people are going to think I’m weird or suspicious, and I’ll never make friends. This is because I choose to attend church on Sundays instead of watching TV and getting drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 325

You deserved it 238

The Top

Today, my girlfriend and I were doing the dirty, when she told me to say her full name, including her middle name. I'd forgot her middle name. It was completely awkward after. I'm a dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 779

You deserved it 3 318

Today, when I logged onto Facebook, I discovered a friend request from my ex who broke up with me and deleted me months ago. Upon adding her, I was taken to her profile where I saw dozens of status updates talking about how much she loves her new boyfriend, who she dumped me for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 854

You deserved it 9 895

Today, I grabbed my t-shirt off the floor beside the bed and got up to walk my boyfriend's dog. After several trips around the block, and plenty of strange looks, I got back upstairs and saw the used condom stuck to my sleeve from the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 507

You deserved it 46 408

Today, after I retired November 2021, broke my left leg in February 2022, was able to walk unaided around the end of July, broke my left hip in August 2022, physical therapy is now starting. Today. Happy retirement! FML.

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 111

Today, it's the last night before a concert. Today is also the day my brother pawned my clarinet for drug money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 060

You deserved it 2 570

Today, I woke up after having had sex with my 4-year crush expecting to find him in bed next to me. Instead, I found my cell phone with a text message from him that said "you should really do something about the pimples on your ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 710

You deserved it 12 049