Intimacy: Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went...

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By sucks at sucking - 15/12/2012 00:27 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 901

You deserved it 9 247

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Same thing different taste

By valerie - 28/05/2011 01:04 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 066

You deserved it 18 803

Fond memories

By -_- - 13/08/2011 00:05 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. I went down on him, only for him to burst into tears halfway through. Apparently, I do it just like his long-lost teen sweetheart did. I swear I could feel him go completely limp in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 862

You deserved it 4 644

By soisblueballsdickhead - 26/10/2014 14:25 - United States

Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 070

You deserved it 9 721

Nomnom

By wow babe - 19/11/2012 17:46 - United States - Arnold

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 103

You deserved it 5 626

Frustrated wank

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 19:00

Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 598

You deserved it 320

By Anonymous - 23/02/2013 18:27 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, after months of a very healthy sex life with my boyfriend, he asked me to let him try anal. I'm dead-set against it, so I tried to let him down easy by jokingly saying that I would, but only if he let me try it on him first. He said, "Sure." Fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 313

You deserved it 48 658

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 328

You deserved it 2 768

Acting is hard work

By S. Dub - 10/04/2020 05:00

Today, my boyfriend told me that I needed to moan louder so that he knew I was enjoying it. Reluctantly, I put a little 'umph' into my moans during the next round. He pulled out and said, "It's just awkward now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 966

You deserved it 311

Giggle loop

By Anonymous - 18/03/2010 10:39 - United States

Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 357

You deserved it 38 349

By Anonymous - 19/06/2012 03:33 - United States

Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 439

You deserved it 4 631

MrHotShot22 6

Saturday 15 December 2012 5:55

well I mean....it can shoot at you so maybe it is.

whostolemylama 12

Saturday 15 December 2012 5:57

It's not your fault, since its your first time, you don't know what the guy's sex rhythm is. FYL , that was a DICK thing to say.

Comments

gemmadaws 3

Friday 28 December 2012 17:59

Hang on to that man what a keeper you lame and tiring

Samantha_Rose821 9

Thursday 25 July 2013 12:00

* sharp bite *

tacoscandal74 10

Wednesday 3 September 2014 4:27

Dump him

HAOSinhumanform 15

Saturday 25 April 2015 21:05

The guy I'm seeing says that he likes it slow, don't worry OP, just next time ask him what his preferred pace is.

RageWolf16 31

Wednesday 20 January 2016 21:13

What does that even mean wtf

Tyrax 16

Tuesday 16 August 2016 20:35

"You're right, but now they have something in common: Pump action by hand only."

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