Miscellaneous: Today, I went for a three-mile run. I was really proud of myself...

By Ew - 26/05/2016 13:02 - United States - Washington

Today, I went for a three-mile run. I was really proud of myself until I woke up from my dream in my bed, surrounded by empty soda bottles and fast food bags. I haven't worked out in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 457

You deserved it 12 101

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By crashingdown - 29/05/2010 05:28 - Australia

Today, I had a weird dream I woke up on the bathroom floor at my local gym. Turns out it wasn't a dream, and I passed out from "overworking myself". I was on the treadmill for under 5 minutes, walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 083

You deserved it 14 593

By NevertheKool - 07/05/2015 21:43 - United States - Union City

Today, I had a plan. I was going to get up early, eat a well balanced breakfast, put on my workout clothes and enjoy this beautiful day with a fulfilling jog. Instead, I put on my workout clothes, spent hours on social media, ate a pizza, and ended up falling asleep on my couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 761

You deserved it 28 047

By human - 21/06/2019 00:01

Today, I had a dream in which I was eating vast quantities of pizza, cookies, and pastries. I became so anxious about all the calories that I woke up. Even in my dreams I'm self conscious about my diet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 529

You deserved it 253

By Anonymous - 21/11/2015 10:03 - United States - Norwalk

Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 044

You deserved it 2 323

By Anonymous - 16/06/2014 16:33 - United States - Franklin Park

Today, my laziness reached an all-time high. I had a dream that I was at school and had spilled all the contents of my backpack onto the floor. I then purposely shook myself out of my sleep to avoid cleaning up the mess in my dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 707

You deserved it 11 002

Dream baby dream

By lani - 24/05/2021 00:00

Today, and since I decided to cut back on unhealthy foods, my last five dreams were literally just slideshows of junk food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 133

By Anonymous - 18/01/2015 16:34 - Ireland

Today, after the longest time, I went to the gym. I ran and ran and ran on the treadmill for an eternity, beating myself up for getting so overweight. Then I tripped and fell off, sweating and sobbing for being so useless. When I looked up, I saw I'd been on the machine for barely 2 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 968

You deserved it 20 686

By Anonymous - 16/02/2012 03:59 - United States

Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 289

You deserved it 2 902

You sleep in your pants?

By Anonymous - 01/03/2021 18:30 - United States - Randolph

Today, I dreamt that I was using the toilet. The toilet was a dream, but the rest wasn't. My pants were soaked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 811

You deserved it 154

Willpower

By Anonymous - 11/09/2019 14:00

Today, I started my new health kick with granola for breakfast, salad for lunch, and hitting the gym after work. I was so proud of myself, until I couldn’t take it anymore and binged at McDonald’s. My health kick lasted 11 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 1 780

anon97_fml 7

Friday 27 May 2016 2:09

Don't let your dreams be dreams.

Benpie 22

Friday 27 May 2016 2:11

Get off your ass, stop being lazy, and go run three miles then.

Comments

deathstroke990 22

Friday 27 May 2016 4:14

man, if you're gonna eat like crap at least don't be disgusting and leave the trash everywhere

naviajack626 16

Friday 27 May 2016 4:18

Best time to run is while the sun is setting with some good music.

musicforhearts 15

Friday 27 May 2016 4:23

That's probably a sign you should start heading to the gym. Never too late to get healthy!

zainman13 26

Friday 27 May 2016 4:31

That really threw me off my chair laughing! Good one OP. Made my day

Sia_Will 13

Friday 27 May 2016 4:48

First of all, stop eating crap. Doesn't matter if you workout. Bad food will overpower all your hard work.

gilbertclarence 9

Friday 27 May 2016 5:02

start walking

Aethereal 14

Friday 27 May 2016 5:11

1. Trash goes in trash can. Not a lot of effort. 2. Start with something simple and daily to work out. Some exercises you can do in your room, for instance. Even 5 minutes is something.