Love: Today, I went out to eat with my girlfriend. The waiter came... - FML

FML for mobile
Free

Open in app

By mynameisarmpit - 15/11/2010 06:48

Today, I went out to eat with my girlfriend. The waiter came up and was being nice. He said, "What can I get you two gentlemen?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 734

You deserved it 4 673

World Environment Day : Green and Vaudevilles
Stories where love for the planet meets situations that are as green as they are funny! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 29/09/2009 19:09 - United States

Today, I was at lunch with my girlfriend. The waitress came up and asked for her number, then asked if she had a significant other. I laughed as my girlfriend gave the waitress her number. They're going on a date, tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 838

You deserved it 7 161

By TheMike23 - 11/01/2016 05:28 - United States - Winter Garden

Today, I went out with my mom to a restaurant. We were sitting down to eat, and a waitress walks over to our table and asks, "How are you ladies doing tonight?" It really was a nice thing to ask, for my mom. As for me, being a man, not so much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 913

You deserved it 2 297

Pleased to meet you

By footinmouth - 13/09/2009 05:14 - United States

Today, I went to a restaurant with some friends. I noticed a very cute waitress about my age, so I walked over to her and asked if she had a boyfriend. The extremely fit, attractive waiter standing next to her immediately turned, held out his hand and goes, "Yeah. Meet me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 015

You deserved it 14 110

By Anonymous - 24/09/2013 07:15 - United States - Petrolia

Today, I took my girlfriend out to eat at a diner where my friend works. My friend was our waiter but too busy to talk much. He texted me after we'd left to tell me that my girlfriend had slipped him her number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 012

You deserved it 3 420

By Anonymous - 13/03/2013 23:22 - United States

Today, I invited my girlfriend to go eat out, hoping to put her in a really romantic mood. She decided to tell her friend, who then invited herself and another couple along. I ended up being made fifth wheel, and had to sit alone at an adjacent table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 409

You deserved it 4 325

By serverdessert - 08/03/2009 21:02 - United States

Today, at the restaurant where I work, I served a table of 4 middle-age women. Before greeting the table, I was deciding between saying "Can I get you anything to drink?" and "Can I start you off with something?" My actual greeting? "Can I get you ladies off?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 567

You deserved it 19 298

Smooth talker

By Kate - 07/03/2009 18:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were out to eat. The waiter came and asked what we wanted. My boyfriend said he wanted a cheeseburger and I told the waiter I'd have the same. My boyfriend looked at me and said, "Are you sure you don't want a salad?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 785

You deserved it 8 268

By Anonymous - 13/03/2019 12:00 - United States - Salem

Today, I asked a table at a restaurant if there's anything I could get out of their way and they replied, "Yeah, you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 245

You deserved it 243

By Anonymous - 20/07/2009 00:22 - United States

Today, I went out to eat at a restaurant. When the waitress saw me, she continously told me how beautiful and kind I was. Flattered, I just said thank you. Five minutes later, one of the ugliest girls I've ever seen in my life walked in. The waitress told her the same exact things she told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 630

You deserved it 13 583

By Anonymous - 18/04/2009 06:53 - United States

Today, I went out to dinner. The waiter was pretty cute. He greets us, "Hi my name is... (long pause) Jordan." Thinking he was flirting, I quickly smart back, "Are you confused?" He says, "No actually, I have a stutter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 904

You deserved it 69 793

Next

Top comments

ke59100 1

Monday 15 November 2010 12:06

could be worse, he could have what can I get you two ladies?

maskedman 9

Monday 15 November 2010 12:17

At least if your girlfriend cries she can soak the tears up with her mustache.

Comments

nerdsgetmehot 22

Monday 15 November 2010 16:53

F HER life, not your life.

vettle 6

Monday 15 November 2010 16:59

I don't know any woman nor have I seen one that looked so much like a man that I would seriously consider it enough to make a statement about it!

cowsgomooatyou 8

Monday 15 November 2010 17:24

Did you even consider that it COULD have been a mistake? Actually, I'm pretty sure it wasn't.

cariley 0

Monday 15 November 2010 17:37

Sounds more like that is and fml moment for ur gf not you

Robothing10 0

Monday 15 November 2010 17:48

hahahahahaha. I would love to see this in person from the table next to you OP. sry it happened, but there are things in life that are just hard not to laugh at.

iGreen_Day 0

Monday 15 November 2010 18:18

**** your life? self centred are we op?

destonerock 0

Monday 15 November 2010 18:33

who has more facial hair?

sk3l370n 0

Monday 15 November 2010 19:58

"Thank you for offering but I prefer ladies"

wDeemish 0

Monday 15 November 2010 20:59

Maybe he doesn't know English O.O

frozzenhart 0

Monday 15 November 2010 21:12

I think he meant ' what can u get for you both , gentleman ? '

3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Embarrassing Kids Parents Sports Management Capitalism Work Love Weird First Dates Miscellaneous Relatable Coworkers Awkward Travel YouTube Videos Nice Guys Sexism Cleaning Argument Insurance Money Animals Dogs Poopoo peepee Health Fire Confused Healthy Lifestyle

The Top

Today, my girlfriend of 8 months and I broke up. We decided to give back everything we ever bought for each other. I gave her the stuff she bought me and when I asked for my stuff she said she'd sold it and spent the money on herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 246

You deserved it 6 695

Today, after my dad recently had to go sober or face dying within a year, it turns out that without the alcohol, his personality still sucks. He used to be a drunk asshole, but now he’s just an asshole. At least when he was drunk he used to pass out. Now he can be an asshole all night without stopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 224

You deserved it 102

The Top

Today, my crush talked to me for the first time. He told me to stop staring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 946

You deserved it 14 806

Today, after nine years, I got back together with my first love – the man who taught me about sensuality and touch, and who no one could measure up to since. I guess this time I’ll have to do the teaching, because he has somehow forgotten even the basics of how to touch a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 509

You deserved it 196

Today, my nose was really stuffy. I heard somewhere that inhaling tea steam clears up the nose. While reading a magazine I inhaled my cup of green tea steam, without knowing that slowly I was moving my cup closer to my nose. Hot tea was sucked into my left nostril and burned the inside badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 096

You deserved it 35 913

Today, I couldn't prove my son has had chickenpox, so his school gave us the option of getting a potentially dangerous shot he didn't need, pay for an expensive blood test to show that he previously had the virus, or sign a waiver stating I'm a religious nut refusing medical treatment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 021

You deserved it 7 937

Today, after getting home from work late last night and feeling lazy, I'd put my leftover dinner in the microwave, spoon and all. I wake up to find one of the kids started the microwave and it blew up because of the metal spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 709

You deserved it 2 684

Today, I had a dream wherein a deep, sensual voice was talking sexy to me. "Yeah girl, you want this. Mmm." It wasn't the man of my dreams trying to seduce me. It was a piece of chocolate cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 032

You deserved it 547