Health: Today, I went through an entire roll of toilet paper in just...

By Anonymous - 24/10/2015 23:46 - United States - Irving

Today, I went through an entire roll of toilet paper in just over an hour. You win this time, questionable pork souvlaki. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 051

You deserved it 3 768

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 06/02/2015 08:26 - Canada - Maple Ridge

Today, after a day, I finally noticed that the toilet paper I'd been using to wipe my butt is actually a roll of paper towel cut in half. My dad thinks that it's a waste of money to buy proper paper. Guess who had to unclog the toilet twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 105

You deserved it 3 178

By Broke Ass Hoe - 28/12/2017 15:00

Today, as I realized I'm too broke to go out and get more toilet paper, I noticed my cat chewing on something and tearing it apart. It was my last roll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 764

You deserved it 606

Use your socks

By Anonymous - 14/03/2021 05:01 - Norway

Today, I accidentally dropped a whole roll of toilet paper into the toilet. It was my last roll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 221

Shit for brains

By Anonymous - 31/10/2023 15:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, in desperate need of a shit, I quickly ran into a shop to buy toilet paper. I rushed home and unleashed, only to realise I'd bought paper towels. Without options, I had to wipe my ass with them and consequently blocked the toilet. I found rolls of toilet paper while looking for the plunger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 654

Autopilot

By TuteBananaCupcake - 29/12/2023 14:00 - United States - Dayton

Today, I used the last of the toilet paper to blow my nose while taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 571

Panic! At the Costco

By abutorac951 - 16/03/2020 16:48

Today, I had to drive over an hour away to buy toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 699

You deserved it 193

By Numbass123 - 04/05/2014 17:17 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 449

You deserved it 11 656

By FUCK GOD - 03/02/2013 23:04 - Argentina - Salta

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 125

You deserved it 4 861

That sinking feeling…

By Anonymous - 06/04/2020 08:00

Today, I went to change the toilet paper roll. I failed. It was the last roll of the "right kind," and my wife is "fine" and "not mad." Let the confinement continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 451

You deserved it 435

By FUCKFACECUNT - 02/08/2015 13:32 - United Arab Emirates - Abu Dhabi

Today, I took a dump at work, when I realized there was no toilet paper left. There was another guy in the room, so I asked him for some. He decided he'd rather dump all the rolls of paper into the other toilets, before wishing me luck and walking out while laughing his ass off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 684

You deserved it 2 388

singer0421 32

Sunday 25 October 2015 19:38

Why eat it in the first place if it was questionable?

Thatissarcastic 17

Sunday 25 October 2015 19:41

Gas station food. Not even once.

Comments

cole66 14

Sunday 25 October 2015 19:41

I guess you're on a roll

Thatissarcastic 17

Sunday 25 October 2015 19:41

Gas station food. Not even once.

nickname_nick 11

Sunday 25 October 2015 19:46

Get your bowels ready for round 2!

bonermonkey 31

Sunday 25 October 2015 19:50

"this time" :') why on earth would you risk another similar episode?

xLeeLee 9

Sunday 25 October 2015 22:58

Shit happens.

Tripartita 44

Sunday 25 October 2015 19:54

True fact: 90% of all questionable pork souvlaki is sold by a subsidiary company of a cooperation that also sells toilet paper.

TheNewGuy03 28

Tuesday 27 October 2015 17:31

Questionable toilet paper, even.

A1NoSauce 17

Sunday 25 October 2015 19:55

Sounds like a shitty situation.

fmlperson8264 16

Sunday 25 October 2015 21:42

Please don't.

BiGTiMeNeRD 29

Sunday 25 October 2015 21:56

Leave. Right now.

Awesomeironman2 15

Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:45

No, stay in here and make more shitty, questionable puns!

1gullible_bugger 34

Sunday 25 October 2015 19:57

Gross.. Next time avoid the questionable food.

False_Stupidity 41

Sunday 25 October 2015 19:58

You imply that there will be a next time for questionable food. Hope you've learned by now OP.

EvilLittleMan 23

Sunday 25 October 2015 20:06

Raw Ass Sunday...

hlewrn 15

Sunday 25 October 2015 20:19

Lol that sucks

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The Top

Today, my company told me that they refuse to buy me new safety footwear without a doctor's note, because my shoe size is three sizes smaller than the minimum size my company provides. I actually have to get my doctor to prove my shoe size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 525

You deserved it 1 300

Today, myself and my pug entered a novelty dog competition at the local fair. We won first prize in the lookalike contest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 299

You deserved it 246

The Top

Today, I accidentally shut the door on someone who was walking behind me. After he opened the door, I turned, looked him sincerely in the eye and said, "Suffering". I meant to say sorry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 967

You deserved it 2 005

Today, at lunch, I was talking to my friends about having a boyfriend. Suddenly, some boy I don't even know said, "Nobody wants to date that ugly bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 158

You deserved it 269

Today, I'm ending a 35 year marriage. In the last few months, my husband has told me that he has been preferring porn to me since before we were married, he has had multiple affairs, he always knew his family was toxic and messing with me. Oh, and he wants us to, "Move on and have a happy retirement together." FML

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 143

Today, I learned the hard way not to take off your shirt with a toothpick in your mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 346

You deserved it 29 705

Today, I got drunk, broke up with my girlfriend, and sent my grandma nude pics, thinking she was my girlfriend. Well, ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 081

You deserved it 43 835

Today, I went to a gig. The drummer threw his drumsticks out at the end and I managed to catch one. With my face. Not only did I get a black eye, but the person next to me snatched the drumstick from my hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 664

You deserved it 1 906

Same thing different taste

Use your socks

Shit for brains

Autopilot

Panic! At the Costco

That sinking feeling…

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