You should revise your first sentence to say, "Not going to all that crap is one of the benefits of being a male." The guy doesn't have to carry it for nine months, so it's easy to foist responsibility on the one physically carrying it, regardless of, say, how many women one guy knocked up. I knew at least three girls from my high school who were impregnated by the same guy over a course of two years, and the only consequence he got out of that was a reputation. It comes down to basic genetics; the female carries it, so she is naturally loaded with more responsibility and, by extension, social stigma (carrying the child, avoiding certain foods and drinks, refraining from taking certain medications for sickness and pain, giving birth, overcoming hormonal crashes after giving birth, etc.). It's easier to point out a round belly than an irresponsible dick (in every meaning of the word).

Let's all just throw around the words "child support" What if he finds out he is the father, they go to court, he gains full custody because of certain circumstances, and since he makes less than her, she is the one who pays child support. Double standards. Also, being a child from a divorce, my mom got child support only because my father couldn't take care of me since he worked a lot. When I got older, I realized none of the child support she was receiving was going towards my needs. I moved out to live with my father when I was 16, and she continued to say that "my father was obligated to pay child support" incase I come over once in a while. Well I'm glad she was able to buy a boat, 2 new cars, and pay for my step-dad's niece's wants - from all the child support she saved up. All the while having none to very little going to my healthcare, education, or needs. Screw child support unless the PARENT (no assuming gender) REALLY needs it. it's called child support, not parent suuport.

#138 I agree that if she'd really waited 4 months to drop this on him, and that text was informing him of her pregnancy, then he'd be right to be suspicious. However I just want to point out that she "asked him why he didn’t come [to the ultrasound]," meaning she had told him previously about the baby, and had kept him up-to-date on her ultrasound dates (otherwise she could not have expected him to come). Now that doesn't mean he shouldn't be allowed to ask for a DNA test or be forced to show up to ultrasounds if he has doubts, but it DOES show that the text was not the first time she informed him about the baby :)

You are right about the double standard. However, if you contribute to making a child, man up and take resposibily. It takes 2 people to make a kid and personally to me it sounds like you are gonna be a deadbeat dad if you are not one already now. You don't want to help raise a child you helped make? Then don't have sex, because you need to be ready for ANY outcome that comes with it. As for the abortion part, NO men should not have a bigger say. Why? Because it is NOT the mans body. It is the woman's body, woman's choice. Even if the man wants it and the woman doesn't, it's still her choice. You are not the one who is gonna be carrying child for 9 months she is. If she wants to keep it it is her choice and if you are not man enough to stick around for a child you helped make, then you better be paying that child support to help your kid in some way even if you don't wanna stick around and watch them grow up. Don't make you pay for a kid you don't want? Then don't have sex. The possibility of you becoming a father comes with having sex. And if you don't want any possible responsibility then stay abstinent and don't be an idiot. You sound to immature to be having sex anyways with your logic.

Why do you want to ruin someone's life because YOU want a kid? Not the other person, only you. That sounds really selfish to me honestly. "I WANT THIS NOW AND YOU ARE GOING TO PAY FOR IT BECAUSE I WANT IT!" Sex feels good. It's really that simple. People like having sex because it feels good. You don't need an emotional connection anymore with the person. This isn't the 1800s where you only have sex with the one you love. People are more free sexually now. I'm not trying to force a woman to have an abortion. All i'm saying is if YOU want the baby then that's amazing! Good for you! It's all yours! Don't ruin my life because of your wants though. Like I said if you can't afford it by yourself then I guess you shouldn't have it then huh? What if the dad died and you stop getting money? You wouldn't be able to support it then. Not a good situation for the child. Only have a child when you are financially stable enough to have one.

#141: I just want to point out that you don’t have to be religious to not want an abortion. You don’t even have to be pro-life. You can agree with abortion being legal for women who want them, but still be hesitant about abortion. And if you are not sure about abortion and get pressured by others into having one, then it can leave you emotionally scarred, regardless of whether you’re religious or not. Also, I want to point out that sometimes women end up being the one paying child support too.

Anyways, regarding the whole child support thing… DO NOT READ IF YOU AREN’T INTERESTED, this is going to be a frigging long post. While I agree it’s a double standard, I think it’s a lot more delicate and a lot less obvious than you seem to make it. If child support was suddenly dropped, it would make it easier for men to take advantage of women. I could DEFINITELY see some suave douche, who knows a women is against abortion and wants to be part of any of her childrens’ lives, making false promises to her (I love you baby, don’t worry I’ll be there for you for life etc) just to get into her pants and then bouncing when protection fails and a kid is conceived. Then she has the choice of going against her beliefs and getting an abortion, raising it alone on barely enough income because she had been under the belief that he would actually stick around and they’d have two incomes to work with, or watch a kid she had been looking forwards to raising going into adoption/foster care and (depending on the case, since open adoptions aren’t always possible) forever wondering if the kid ended up having a good life. Putting up a kid for adoption isn’t always emotionally easy either you know, it depends on the woman. Also, if men knew they didn’t have to pay child support no matter what they do, then they’d have a much easier time pressuring girls into having sex without protection because they know there’s virtually no consequences for them if she gets pregnant. Yes it takes two to tango (if a girl has sex without protection, she’s responsible too), but when you take away the responsibilities of having sex without protection for men (aside from certains STDs of course), then you leave women at a HUGE disadvantage. You leave them with ALL the responsibilities regarding children: she has to be the one to insist on protection, she has to wonder whether the guy who is promising to be there is a lying douche or not, and if she’s wrong SHE has to deal with all the consequences on her own. HOWEVER as you’ve pointed out, if we KEEP child support, then it makes it easy for women to take advantage of men. They can ask for child support when they don’t really need it and use it on themselves. Not to mention the man has completely no say in whether or not there should be an abortion/adoption if she doesn’t want them. So even if he doesn’t want the kid at all, he has to pay for him for 18+ years. And so much more (tons of other comments have mentioned the disadvantages guys face in this area). Either way, one gender is going to be screwed. I think a better idea, would be if a man is sure he does NOT want kids with a certain person, they should have a written agreement BEFORE she gets pregnant that if she does get pregnant and chooses to keep the baby, he is not obligated to pay child support. That way, the woman knows ahead of time what she is getting into (he can’t take advantage by her through lies), but the man also won’t have to be forced to raise a kid he was clear he never wanted. It’s not a perfect system either (makes it tough for pregnancies via one-night-stands), but I just don’t think that completely abolishing child support will solve the problem. I agree that men should have more say, but that doesn’t mean they should be devoid of ANY responsibility regarding children.

let me just say this whoa you weren't kidding about a long post.and you're suggesting a love contract kind of situation right?out of all the comments I've read for this fml i don't think ive seen the point of view that sometimes women use use sex to get pregnant to pull in guys for 18 years to be stuck in that situation.(not saying that that was yours by the way).so i wouldn't be apposed to a love contract which would make it so that neither sex could take advantage of each other.either it be for the exploitation of sex or what would seem like a lifetime of money.

Yeah I thought of that situation too. It's sad when people try to force someone into a relationship by purposefully getting pregnant when they know the other doesn't want it. There are even ppl who go around having babies just for the child care money. With the systems we have now, someone's always at a disadvantage. I suggested the idea of the love contract the commenter seemed to want to abolish child support entirely (rather than a reform). If we could spend some time and money into the whole child care system to balance it out and make it a little fairer for men, that would be best in my opinion. Simply because I think everyone would adopt changes to an already existing thing more easily than a new system...If "love contracts" started being made, it would take a long time to get them going and people with certain beliefs on what a love relationship should be would oppose it (saying it's "trivializing love" or wtv), not to mention there are some obvious disadvantages (takes time, prostitutes might be forced by employers to sign them, etc). So I suppose...a reformed child care system (something more case sensitive to help women who need it, but prevent those who exploit it) AND optional love contracts (for dudes who really wanna avoid a kid) might help. The thing is, humans are human, and no matter what system we get there will always be SOMEONE getting the short end of the stick. So I think making a system which will minimize that exploitation is worth some thought.