Miscellaneous: Today, I went to my favorite drive-in burger joint for dinner....

By Anonymous - 08/09/2011 19:51 - United States

Today, I went to my favorite drive-in burger joint for dinner. As I was nearing the end of my burger, I grabbed a cup from the cup holder that I thought was filled with soda. Instead, I got a mouthful of dip spit that a friend left in my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 413

You deserved it 8 018

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Same thing different taste

Food poisoning is back on the menu!

By James - 06/05/2023 06:00 - Australia

Today, whilst on a road trip with friends, we stopped at a roadside diner for lunch. I ordered a chicken sandwich and when it arrived, I took a huge bite out of it, only to realize that it was still completely raw in the middle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 97

Klutz

By Sara - 27/05/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom - Blackpool

Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 145

By Sam - 24/06/2011 04:46 - Canada

Today, I was working the drive-thru at McDonalds, and as I handed out a Diet coke to the customer, the man started growling and yelled "HULK SMASH!" He smashed the cup with two fists and drove off. I was drenched in soda. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 935

You deserved it 4 898

By Username - 13/11/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, I was leaving the car wash when I saw my friend walking on the sidewalk. I pulled over next to her and asked if she wanted a ride. Only after getting a face full of the soda she was drinking did I realize I was talking to a complete stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 946

You deserved it 7 624

Tasty

By Anonymous - 06/11/2009 14:31 - Denmark

Today, at a party, a fly flew into my mouth. I spat it out, and in an effort to wash my mouth out, I grabbed the can of coke that was on the table next to me. Apparently people had been spitting in there and using it as an ashtray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 749

You deserved it 9 824

By stephiexbabexx - 15/01/2010 21:27 - United States

Today, I was with my friends at Burger King. While we were eating, I placed my cellphone on the tray, not realising that I'd left it there until after I emptied my tray into the bin. When I got it out of the trash, it was covered in soggy, sticky garbage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 824

You deserved it 39 472

Tasty!

By Anonymous - 25/02/2010 16:28 - United States

Today, I was driving with my mom. She had some soda with her from earlier, and even though it was probably warm, I was thirsty. I ask for a sip, she hands it to me and says sure. And I get a mouthful of ash-and-cigarette-butt-filled soda. Apparently she didn't feel the need to mention this to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 139

You deserved it 3 688

No third base for you

By Anonymous - 26/03/2023 14:00 - United Kingdom - Wakefield

Today, I went to a restaurant for a second date. As we were eating, a piece of food got stuck in my teeth. I tried to discreetly remove it, but ended up spitting it across the table and onto my date's glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 721

You deserved it 267

By blegh - 16/01/2009 04:57 - Switzerland

Today, I reached for my beer and took a huge swallow before I realized that I had picked up my friend's tobacco spit cup. "Vomit" is not a strong enough word to describe what happened next. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 847

You deserved it 6 267

By cherknobil - 07/07/2019 00:00

Today, I went to my favorite burger joint. Upon taking the first bite of my burger, I dislocated my jaw. The employees had to call 911. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 753

You deserved it 201

Keyman1212 14

Friday 9 September 2011 1:41

Dip spit smells terrible. You should have noticed.

Broc831 6

Friday 9 September 2011 1:42

I think I threw up a little in my mouth... that sucks!

Comments

fifianator 0

Friday 9 September 2011 5:56

That so f***ing gross your fault:)

Kornlover 9

Friday 9 September 2011 6:01

Does anyone know if posts can be altered, because this is isn't what I originally wrote.

dab123 3

Friday 9 September 2011 6:09

Yea, the moderators can do as they please.

jmavii 4

Friday 9 September 2011 6:18

it was soda... dip spit flavor cola :)

unchanted 1

Friday 9 September 2011 6:34

Thats nasty been there

sillymcjews 0

Friday 9 September 2011 6:51

your friend is a dip shpit

Kornlover 9

Friday 9 September 2011 6:59

This isn't what I originally wrote

Flakitaflaka03 4

Friday 9 September 2011 7:03

:o sick

mattdm91 0

Friday 9 September 2011 7:39

You didn't throw it out beforehand?

zachmeach 0

Friday 9 September 2011 7:44

It's all about grizzly wintergreen baby haha and good u deserve it if u really didn't notice it was in ur car

JBTSfan 2

Friday 9 September 2011 7:51

ew nasty for my biology class we watched a movie about dip and wat it doesto your mouth....right before lunch! FML

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Today, as a teacher, I was grading some essays when I yet again came across the word "unalive" when discussing the assassinations of JFK and Abraham Lincoln. As in, "JFK was unalived." I know language inevitably mutates over time, but us teachers don't have demonetization filters. FML

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You deserved it 74

Well. I must admit when I first received today's illustration, seeing the massive pliers pop out kind of freaked me out. Then I reached the last panel and I'm not sure if it's out of anxiety relief or what, but I laughed so hard I might have choked a...

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The Top

Today, my sister had her first kiss. She was very excited and she told me all about it. She then asked me to tell her about the first time I kissed a guy, what it was like, who it was with, etc. I had to make one up. I have never been kissed before. My sister is 6 years younger than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 780

You deserved it 6 119

Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 992

You deserved it 24 005

Today, I got sunburnt to a crisp on the first day of my holidays away. Only 5 more days to go now, spent inside, trying not to burn more. FML

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You deserved it 3 579

Today, after some passionate love making with my husband, I accidentally farted on his leg. He shrieked and frantically began shaking his leg while screaming, "Get it off! Get it off!" FML

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You deserved it 35 772

Today, I discovered how startling it is to wake up by having your cat springboard off your face. The intended prey? Two fornicating geckos on the ceiling. FML

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You deserved it 2 655

Today, instead of staying home, I took an hour-long bus ride in the middle of the night to my girlfriend's place because on the phone she said, "I desperately need your body right now". It turned out she was just cold. She is also on her period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 935

You deserved it 37 017