Miscellaneous: Today, I went to Target with my dad, and he told me to get in...

By creys - 18/11/2012 07:04 - United States

Today, I went to Target with my dad, and he told me to get in the shopping cart. I thought he was being cool and wanted to push me around. He snorted and said he was thinking about crashing me into a car and suing the driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 213

You deserved it 2 514

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Same thing different taste

By Emma Five - 14/03/2012 03:22 - United States

Today, my dad was driving me to college. I'd cracked a joke about how old people like him shouldn't be allowed to drive, and I guess he took it personally, what with him speeding straight up to the parking lot wall, and only braking after I started shrieking in terror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 601

You deserved it 32 269

By annonymous - 18/06/2012 01:57 - United States

Today, my dad approached two girls at a store and told them I'd crashed into their car. They didn't find it funny either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 353

You deserved it 2 043

By anonymous22kittylicklick - 20/08/2011 04:44 - United States

Today, I was at Target deciding what chap-stick to get when an old lady violently hit me with her umbrella and kept yelling at me saying, "You are too young for this! Think twice!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 486

You deserved it 2 845

By Anonymous - 31/01/2015 13:12 - Belgium

Today, while shopping, my dad asked me to walk further away from him, saying I was cramping his style in front of all the chicks there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 349

You deserved it 2 863

By Elrond Hubbard - 24/01/2015 19:25 - United States

Today, I drove my dad to Walmart to do some shopping. His leg is still in a cast after an accident, so I helped him to the last mobility scooter. A guy whose only disability was clearly Fat-Fuck Syndrome then yelled at us, claiming he needed it more and that my dad was a faker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 069

You deserved it 2 613

McSteamy

By Anonymous - 07/11/2021 11:00

Today, I illicitly borrowed my dad's car to go to the store, but crashed into my mom's car as she and dad were returning from my grandma's house. Both cars are totalled, my mom is in hospital with a broken collarbone, and I realised dads really can make steam come out their ears if they’re really mad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 209

You deserved it 2 174

Cart Narcs will get ya!

By May - 10/01/2021 20:01

Today, my dad forced me to leave my empty shopping cart in the middle of a store, rather than return it to the corral. My dad’s word is law, and all I can think about is how much of an asshole I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 267

Mid-life crisis

By theslutmuncher - 14/12/2012 23:20 - Germany - Merseburg

Today, in the midst of his ongoing mid-life crisis, my dad forced me to accompany him for some father-son bonding. The bonding involved me driving us away at high speed after he gleefully hurled a bucket of paint all over a store window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 918

You deserved it 2 488

Alexa, play "Your Daddy's Car" by The Divine Comedy

By Anonymous - 13/02/2023 18:00

Today, I borrowed my dad's car to run a quick errand, which he never lets me do. I thought I’d got away with it until he got home and started yelling. I forgot, dad always reverses into driveways, while I prefer to drive straight in, and I'd parked his car facing the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 1 477

By Nick Pat - 30/09/2015 13:13

Today, I took my dad out shopping. I managed to pull into a really cramped parking spot and said, "Man, that was a tight squeeze." My dad then looked me in the eyes and said, "So was your mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 677

You deserved it 2 959

TJhudson181 12

Sunday 18 November 2012 13:45

How old are you again? If you're over like 8, YDI.

Cashtangoteam 10

Sunday 18 November 2012 15:36

I'm sorry, but it's fun as hell to be pushed around in the shopping cart, regardless of how old you are.

Comments

echosaints 5

Sunday 18 November 2012 15:42

Wait I dont understand..He's gonna push u into a car and sue the driver? On what planet would that be the drivers fault?

mario2012 18

Sunday 18 November 2012 15:58

Planet Hisanus.

apples723 0

Sunday 18 November 2012 15:53

that sucks

loloalltheway 23

Sunday 18 November 2012 16:26

Suing seriously? USA -_-

KiddNYC1O 20

Sunday 18 November 2012 23:04

Be quiet. Both you and #41.

purpleprincess17 1

Sunday 18 November 2012 16:37

It's people like your dad the make normal people hate America.

Beemss 1

Sunday 18 November 2012 16:47

Thats funny, i always tell me kids we are going to Target to exchange them for new kids.

pradip 26

Sunday 18 November 2012 20:27

good start, ur first comment on FML brought out a laugh keep it up

mahdi8130 8

Sunday 18 November 2012 18:23

Seems like he's joking, so i really don't see this as a fml.

zuelhater 7

Sunday 18 November 2012 21:30

Holy sh** people like your dad actually exist!?

hannnahmarie 14

Sunday 18 November 2012 21:32

That makes noo sense at all.

blablablabla5555 5

Monday 19 November 2012 10:22

um... how old are you that you still think it's cool to be pushed around in a cart..?

mymegangirl 7

Monday 3 June 2019 17:35

ydi. good God, how old are you?

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 787

You deserved it 3 963

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Feeling goofy, I thought it’d be funny to try to reenact that horrible sex scene from the movie Showgirls. I threw my body back, but completely lost my balance and smashed my head on the headboard. I ended up with a bad concussion and a huge hospital bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 2 157

The Top

Today, after a 3-day induced delivery for my twins, and after getting stitches down there, I woke up to boobs that are the size of footballs, and still no milk coming out. The pain of chopping them off at this point would be more bearable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 152

You deserved it 137

Today, to show that he really wanted me to shave myself, my boyfriend pretended to go down on me, but instead of following through, he stuck a wad of gum in my pubic hair and got back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 353

You deserved it 40 479

Today, one of my friends got me in trouble when he called our house and asked my parents why they didn't see us at a school conference. My parents were at a meeting elsewhere at the time, so I didn't bother to tell them about it, as we couldn't have gone there to begin with, and it was voluntary. They're mad anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 390

You deserved it 185

Today, I got my nails done at a salon where everyone working there was Vietnamese. During my manicure, the manicurists talked about how ugly I was in their native tongue. They couldn't have known that I'd lived in Vietnam and I'm fluent in Vietnamese, but too chickenshit to speak up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 309

You deserved it 655

Today, after telling my audience of preschoolers and parents that I'd been performing magic since I was a kid in 1995, a 4-year-old got more laughter and applause than I did in my entire act by gasping, "1995? You should be dead by now!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 177

You deserved it 3 054

Today, I had to explain to my seventeen year-old daughter that deep frying food doesn't "melt the calories." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 450

You deserved it 1 532