Intimacy: Today, I witnessed my roommate telling a girl that he has "really...

By damn - 09/04/2014 21:12 - United States - Kenton

Today, I witnessed my roommate telling a girl that he has "really healthy shits". I wanted to make fun of him, but he got laid by said girl and I went home to jerk off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 481

You deserved it 8 031

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Same thing different taste

Served and deserved

By Anonymous - 05/12/2022 16:00 - United States - University Park

Today, my roommate's girlfriend came to visit for a couple of days, and we fucked behind his back. My roommate told me he just tested positive for syphilis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 3 810

By Anonymous - 25/09/2013 21:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 241

You deserved it 7 063

What a jerk!

By traumatized house keeper - 08/09/2017 13:00 - Germany - Munster

Today, while cleaning the hostel, I had to make some beds in a dorm room. There were three guys in the room, one of whom was sitting on a bed. He looked me straight in the eye and I gave him a big smile before I realized he was jerking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 471

You deserved it 427

Experimentation is good

By Anonymous - 30/10/2019 00:01

Today, I was at my friend's place with a bunch of people. I saw a pair of panties in his laundry basket, so of course I yelled, "DUDE! YOU GOT LAID!" Turns out he didn't get laid, he was 'experimenting'. He was so mortified, he burst out crying and threw us all out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 174

You deserved it 2 481

Gagging for it

By Anonymous - 20/02/2023 14:00 - United States - Cleveland

Today, my roommate spends so much time in our dorm room that I got a boner when I heard him leaving for class, because it was my first chance in days to jack off in peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 265

Frustrated

By skipper - 12/02/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 814

You deserved it 12 089

By awkward O_o - 24/04/2013 21:15 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 798

You deserved it 4 923

By CBBP - 31/03/2009 15:35 - United States

Today, I was having sex with this girl I met in stats class when my roommate walked in. He started applauding and said, "$20 bucks for me! I knew you weren't gay!" Him and my other roommate had a bet. They are my best friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 884

You deserved it 8 785

Handjob

By Anonymous - 20/11/2019 18:00

Today, I heard my boyfriend masturbate next to me and then relieves himself on my bed sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 058

You deserved it 906

By idontwanttoknow - 16/06/2013 11:37 - United States

Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 117

You deserved it 6 917

EndOfSekrets 13

Thursday 10 April 2014 6:05

Talk shit, get laid.

Big_Pickle 18

Thursday 10 April 2014 6:04

You win some, you lose some.

Comments

wiseKat99 13

Saturday 12 April 2014 0:39

Umm, ok. Your point is that he's got a girlfriend that loves him but hey on the bright side at least your hand loves you!!!!

Nish007 15

Saturday 12 April 2014 3:36

maybe try dat shit sometime

Huddisher 10

Tuesday 15 April 2014 14:03

I am now traumatized.

focenspeil 7

Wednesday 28 May 2014 20:57

Groooooooosssssssss. Scat es no bueno.

rubyjess9210 3

Wednesday 4 June 2014 16:27

as disappointing as that may be...he slept with a girl who didn't know him & still slept with him after talking about his pooping...i say you won :)

Striker_Jr 16

Thursday 16 October 2014 8:27

Doesnt matter, had sex

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The Top

Today, I slipped on some ice and wrecked my back. When my husband and I went to go to bed, he begged me to take one of the pain pills left over from his recent surgery. Not so I could feel better and get some rest, but so he could have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 272

You deserved it 3 976

Today, as I was walking to wash my hands after using the restroom, the guy walking away from the sink flicked water from his hands towards the floor. Water splashed all over my beige shorts. I had to walk back into class looking like I'd peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 835

You deserved it 442

The Top

Today, my doctor confirmed that the extreme pain I've been experiencing is due to a kidney stone. My friend decided this was the time to tell me that passing a kidney stone is the male equivalent of child birth. Hello even more pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 269

You deserved it 4 534

Today, I got a red light camera ticket for $100 in the mail. After checking the date and time, I realized it was from when I was rear ended into the intersection while STOPPED at a red light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 756

You deserved it 2 367

Today, I moved out of my parents' house and started living alone. All of a sudden, my parents started requiring me to text or call them every 5 minutes to tell them where I am and what I'm doing, from 6am to 12am every day. If I don't, they will go looking for me, and force me to move back in with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 110

Today, it was my first day of softball practice. I'm the youngest one on the team by about 2 years, so I wanted to prove I'm just as good as everyone else. Too bad I tripped in the outfield and got hit in the head with a bat. I have a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 144

You deserved it 4 601

Today, my roommate stunk up the entire floor again with his rancid bathroom trips from spicy foods so much that I ended up wearing a t-shirt over my nose just to play video games in my own room. He gets offended when I tell him to open the bathroom window to vent it out. If only I owned my own home… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 137

Today, I was informed that my flatmate had not handed his documents in to the new landlord like he'd told me. We are due to move to a new area tomorrow for the new job that I start in 4 days. Now we can't move for another week. Anyone have a spare couch? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 575

You deserved it 153