Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up and felt that my arm was sore. I got so drunk... - FML

By Anonymous - 08/01/2010 11:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up and felt that my arm was sore. I got so drunk last night, I got an unprofessional tattoo of a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 922

You deserved it 50 995

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Same thing different taste

Great idea

By aridaley - 21/05/2011 23:33 - United States

Today, I got piss drunk. Being a tattoo artist, I came to the intoxicated conclusion that I could save much more money doing my own tattoos on myself. I now have my ex-boyfriend's name permanently on my thigh. It's not even spelled right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 536

You deserved it 65 016

By Anonymous - 02/01/2013 11:15 - France - Ville-d'avray

Today, after a drunken New Year's Eve party with friends, I woke up with a penis on my cheek. It wasn't a drawing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 791

You deserved it 2 046

By masterfail - 04/10/2009 05:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up after a heavy night of drinking, with my laptop dead on my chest. Apparently, I had attempted a bit of digital penile oscillation, but passed out instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 489

You deserved it 19 825

By argh - 20/03/2012 08:16 - United States - Houston

Today, I woke up to the faint memory of being drunk enough to draw dicks on my own face in permanent marker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 108

You deserved it 33 478

By not a dumbass pothead - 08/04/2014 22:04 - United States - Sparks

Today, I went out drinking with my tattoo artist brother-in-law. I was so wasted that I agreed to let him try working on me. I woke up with a tattoo of an animated marijuana plant smoking a cigarette. This'll look just great when I'm defending clients in court. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 801

You deserved it 46 716

By Amy - 10/05/2012 19:14 - Canada - Prince George

Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 043

You deserved it 5 237

New kink unlocked

By sausages - 17/01/2014 20:56 - Macedonia - Skopje

Spicy

Today, I went to get my first tattoo. Before we started, the tattooist told me to just relax and embrace the pain. I guess I did that too well; I kept getting an erection throughout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 173

You deserved it 8 444

By StiffPvtParts - 04/06/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, after a night of drinking, I awoke in the early hours of the morning to a sight of my roommate playing with my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 241

You deserved it 301

By Anonymous - 16/05/2012 21:56 - Sweden - V?llingby

Today, I woke up after a long night of drinking with my friends. I vaguely remembered visiting a tattoo parlour, but nothing prepared me for the sight of the words "YOLO" and "MOFO" tattooed across the fingers of my left and right hands. Now I'm officially a bandwagoning douchebag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 205

You deserved it 39 724

Inked

By damnit - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off, only to learn that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 946

You deserved it 64 708

Next

Top comments

mfinn 0

Friday 8 January 2010 20:00

ydi for getting that drunk and being an idiot

bwynin 0

Friday 8 January 2010 20:02

Because a proff tattoo would be better?

Comments

TITOSJ408 13

Thursday 9 August 2012 11:18

Wonder how it looks now lol

rachilio 26

Friday 24 August 2012 23:51

I would get that removed.... Lol

pacmanman 15

Saturday 19 January 2013 6:57

I have yet to understand how someone gets so drunk that they don't realize what they are doing...or why for that matter you would get a tattoo of a penis...

KBurns207 17

Wednesday 5 June 2013 1:11

If I could hit you deserved it twice, I would.

emuexport 4

Friday 2 August 2013 10:59

You penis !!!!

kayleighcupcake 14

Tuesday 10 September 2013 0:51

drunken tattoos are never a good idea! have fun getting a coverup/laser!!

emilythecreator 1

Sunday 9 February 2014 3:52

Wouldn't Bad Ink come in handy right now?

WinterBlue42 22

Wednesday 11 June 2014 7:06

What goes through your mind to make you do that? I've been drunk off my ass before, and the dumbest thing I did was sprinting backwards into a wall. xD YDI

stupidityisme 11

Monday 8 December 2014 9:40

This is why I don't drink.. well this and I'm only 15 but yeah you get the jiff..

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The Top

Today, I found out my husband of four years has been cheating on me with his boss, who had been kind and treated me well. I never suspected it until I caught them in OUR bed. All he would ever do was come home and complain about how hard his job was. I guess that wasn't the only thing that was hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 172

Today, I saw some of my parents' recent social media posts. They spent the holidays at the five star Radisson Blu hotel on Gran Canaria for a week, while I'm homeless in Moscow, struggling with bad shoes and improper clothes. I don't deserve the FML as I wasn't responsible for what caused my situation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388

You deserved it 227

The Top

Today, I realized I've been confusing scenes from The Lord of the Rings with American history. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 556

You deserved it 30 009

Today, I lectured my second-grade class to be more descriptive in their writing. I gave them an assignment to describe something in the classroom. I was grading their work later, and one student wrote, "My class is taught by a fat teacher with gray hair." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 199

You deserved it 17 555

Today, I realized I’ve become an old woman. I have dentures, wear bifocal glasses, have rheumatoid arthritis, carry a stash of candy in my purse, and got excited when I bought a new potato peeler. I’m only 29, but I’m an old woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 151

Today, I woke up at 2 a.m. and stayed up the rest of the night. I had to go to work from 3 to 11 and I ended up getting my coworker to leave early. As I was getting ready to leave, I found out that I wasn't scheduled today and that I now have to work this Saturday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 606

You deserved it 411

Today, after 3 years of studying to be a veterinarian, I found out I may not be able to continue. It's not because I'm failing my classes, but because my body has developed an allergy to cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 100

You deserved it 2 857

Today, while meeting some of the big boss guys at my new job, one of the men sneezed on his hand and then grabbed mine for a handshake. I felt every gooey bit of his snot between our hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 891

You deserved it 988