Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up and felt that my arm was sore. I got so drunk... - FML

By Anonymous - 08/01/2010 11:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up and felt that my arm was sore. I got so drunk last night, I got an unprofessional tattoo of a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 922

You deserved it 50 995

Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Great idea

By aridaley - 21/05/2011 23:33 - United States

Today, I got piss drunk. Being a tattoo artist, I came to the intoxicated conclusion that I could save much more money doing my own tattoos on myself. I now have my ex-boyfriend's name permanently on my thigh. It's not even spelled right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 536

You deserved it 65 016

By Anonymous - 02/01/2013 11:15 - France - Ville-d'avray

Today, after a drunken New Year's Eve party with friends, I woke up with a penis on my cheek. It wasn't a drawing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 791

You deserved it 2 046

By masterfail - 04/10/2009 05:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up after a heavy night of drinking, with my laptop dead on my chest. Apparently, I had attempted a bit of digital penile oscillation, but passed out instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 489

You deserved it 19 825

By argh - 20/03/2012 08:16 - United States - Houston

Today, I woke up to the faint memory of being drunk enough to draw dicks on my own face in permanent marker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 108

You deserved it 33 478

By not a dumbass pothead - 08/04/2014 22:04 - United States - Sparks

Today, I went out drinking with my tattoo artist brother-in-law. I was so wasted that I agreed to let him try working on me. I woke up with a tattoo of an animated marijuana plant smoking a cigarette. This'll look just great when I'm defending clients in court. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 801

You deserved it 46 716

By Amy - 10/05/2012 19:14 - Canada - Prince George

Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 043

You deserved it 5 237

New kink unlocked

By sausages - 17/01/2014 20:56 - Macedonia - Skopje

Spicy

Today, I went to get my first tattoo. Before we started, the tattooist told me to just relax and embrace the pain. I guess I did that too well; I kept getting an erection throughout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 173

You deserved it 8 444

By StiffPvtParts - 04/06/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, after a night of drinking, I awoke in the early hours of the morning to a sight of my roommate playing with my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 241

You deserved it 301

By Anonymous - 16/05/2012 21:56 - Sweden - V?llingby

Today, I woke up after a long night of drinking with my friends. I vaguely remembered visiting a tattoo parlour, but nothing prepared me for the sight of the words "YOLO" and "MOFO" tattooed across the fingers of my left and right hands. Now I'm officially a bandwagoning douchebag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 205

You deserved it 39 724

Inked

By damnit - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off, only to learn that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 946

You deserved it 64 708

Next

Top comments

mfinn 0

Friday 8 January 2010 20:00

ydi for getting that drunk and being an idiot

bwynin 0

Friday 8 January 2010 20:02

Because a proff tattoo would be better?

Comments

koda446 4

Thursday 25 March 2010 5:34

wow that's funny now u r just a dumb **** lol

Popsiclese 0

Wednesday 5 May 2010 1:45

haha you said penis

MiGman 5

Wednesday 23 June 2010 9:38

penis tattoo FTW

Godless26 1

Sunday 10 October 2010 21:22

i call bullshit on all drunken tattoo stories, it only happens in movies, the truth of the matter is if there a quality tattoo artist who knows anything about safety, they wont tattoo a drunk person because your blood is too thin

bamam 0

Friday 21 January 2011 7:11

Idiot

Cierra657 0

Monday 14 March 2011 22:33

umm @56 they were clearly answering number 3s question. you look like a idiot.

saltypirate 0

Monday 21 March 2011 6:04

dumbass!

madeingeorgia 0

Tuesday 5 April 2011 19:08

I would like to know what you would consider to be a professional tattoo of a penis...

taylove23 1

Friday 6 May 2011 3:47

haha! you're an idiot for getting a tattoo of a penis!

tittymagic 0

Thursday 26 May 2011 22:39

are you gay? that's what you think of when your drunk??

5
6
7
8
9
10

Keywords

Clothes Relatable Miscellaneous Shoes Insurance Cars Transportation Health Work Cheating Love Embarrassing Clumsy Food Awkward Animals Dating First Dates Bikes Dogs Cute Ironic Pranks Shopping Mistakes Texting Family Fight Birthday Drunk

The Top

Today, I flew to Dubai, en route to my new job in Afghanistan. Both of my bags were lost, my debit card was frozen in London, the next flight was cancelled, and I can't get a hotel room. I'm in the richest city in world with no money and no room. Happy New Year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 071

You deserved it 3 127

Today, I yelled at my little brother for leaving the toilet seat up and told him he needed to go around the house and make sure they were all down. I went to the bathroom later to find that the toilet seats and covers from every toilet had all been removed and were sitting on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 997

You deserved it 68 601

The Top

Today, I was at work. I had a male patient expose himself to me. He then apologized and said he thought that's what I wanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 188

You deserved it 112

Today, my best friend told me, "Dude, your girlfriend looks so much like this girl I went to high school with!" and showed me a picture of a girl with a string bikini in a semi-suggestive pose on the beach. I know what you're thinking, but it wasn't my girlfriend. He HAD to choose the skimpiest photo to compare to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 132

Today, while playing golf, I hit my ball near some tall grass along the edge of the water. Unbeknownst to me, there was an alligator hiding in the grass. He growled at me during my shot, causing me to put the ball directly into the pond. Alligator: 1 Me: 0. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 778

You deserved it 452

Today, I fulfilled my lifelong dream of going on a family trip to Disneyland. Less than two hours in the park, my kids have been scared shitless by every single character, they don’t want to ride any rides, my husband is drunk, and the mouse ears headband gave me a vomit-inducing migraine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 154

You deserved it 364

Today, my boyfriend got mad at me when his so-called "ways to turn me on" didn't work. What were these ways? Flicking my nips and inserting his finger in my belly button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 248

You deserved it 547

Today I was trying to show off to my mother about how much detail I placed into my group project that I had to do tomorrow. I then proceeded to delete the project thinking that I was just removing it from my phone.... Everyone's research and my 3 day's of hard work went with it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 038

You deserved it 2 635