Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up and felt that my arm was sore. I got so drunk...

By Anonymous - 08/01/2010 11:48 - United States

Today, I woke up and felt that my arm was sore. I got so drunk last night, I got an unprofessional tattoo of a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 922

You deserved it 50 995

Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Great idea

By aridaley - 21/05/2011 23:33 - United States

Today, I got piss drunk. Being a tattoo artist, I came to the intoxicated conclusion that I could save much more money doing my own tattoos on myself. I now have my ex-boyfriend's name permanently on my thigh. It's not even spelled right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 536

You deserved it 65 016

By Anonymous - 02/01/2013 11:15 - France - Ville-d'avray

Today, after a drunken New Year's Eve party with friends, I woke up with a penis on my cheek. It wasn't a drawing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 791

You deserved it 2 046

By masterfail - 04/10/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I woke up after a heavy night of drinking, with my laptop dead on my chest. Apparently, I had attempted a bit of digital penile oscillation, but passed out instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 489

You deserved it 19 825

By argh - 20/03/2012 08:16 - United States - Houston

Today, I woke up to the faint memory of being drunk enough to draw dicks on my own face in permanent marker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 108

You deserved it 33 478

By not a dumbass pothead - 08/04/2014 22:04 - United States - Sparks

Today, I went out drinking with my tattoo artist brother-in-law. I was so wasted that I agreed to let him try working on me. I woke up with a tattoo of an animated marijuana plant smoking a cigarette. This'll look just great when I'm defending clients in court. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 801

You deserved it 46 716

By Amy - 10/05/2012 19:14 - Canada - Prince George

Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 043

You deserved it 5 237

New kink unlocked

By sausages - 17/01/2014 20:56 - Macedonia - Skopje

Today, I went to get my first tattoo. Before we started, the tattooist told me to just relax and embrace the pain. I guess I did that too well; I kept getting an erection throughout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 173

You deserved it 8 444

By StiffPvtParts - 04/06/2019 18:00

Today, after a night of drinking, I awoke in the early hours of the morning to a sight of my roommate playing with my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 241

You deserved it 301

By Anonymous - 16/05/2012 21:56 - Sweden - V?llingby

Today, I woke up after a long night of drinking with my friends. I vaguely remembered visiting a tattoo parlour, but nothing prepared me for the sight of the words "YOLO" and "MOFO" tattooed across the fingers of my left and right hands. Now I'm officially a bandwagoning douchebag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 205

You deserved it 39 724

Inked

By damnit - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off, only to learn that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 946

You deserved it 64 708

mfinn 0

Friday 8 January 2010 20:00

ydi for getting that drunk and being an idiot

bwynin 0

Friday 8 January 2010 20:02

Because a proff tattoo would be better?

Comments

CarolinaDrama 0

Saturday 9 January 2010 11:41

YDI for drinking.

nabzilla 0

Saturday 9 January 2010 11:45

wait but it says you're a woman... oO were you trying to mark your territory and prove something?

psychoxxxinvader 3

Saturday 9 January 2010 13:03

YDI for drinking so much you couldn't even remember the next day, or tell what you were doing the time you were doing it.

JonsefMobuto 0

Saturday 9 January 2010 18:35

Well, at least you have something to remmember from that night.

JonsefMobuto 0

Saturday 9 January 2010 18:35

Well, at least you have something to remmember from that night.

ykarimbhai 0

Saturday 9 January 2010 19:37

U are an EFFIN IDIOT!!!

ming88 0

Saturday 9 January 2010 21:46

ydi for getting so drunk.. stupid people who dont know their limit should not even be drinking.. but fyl for having a penis on your arm..

daniel1_1 13

Sunday 10 January 2010 4:51

guy or girl?

tehkewl1 0

Sunday 10 January 2010 7:58

enjoy your tetanus

anonymous599 0

Sunday 10 January 2010 19:53

ur ******* stupid

Keywords

Shoes Clothes Miscellaneous Relatable Insurance Transportation Cars Work Health Love Cheating Clumsy Food Awkward Embarrassing Animals Dating First Dates Bikes Dogs Cute Pranks Ironic Shopping Texting Mistakes Family Fight Birthday Drunk

The Top

Today, my boyfriend showed me how he gives himself a semi-erection before he goes into the men's showers after training so his penis will look bigger in front of all the guys. I find it worrying that he won't have sex with me, but has no problem walking around in front of men naked with a semi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 456

You deserved it 4 703

Today, my boss called me in to have a serious talk. The "serious talk" was him asking me to notify him of my menstrual cycle ahead of time so he can "avoid that shit". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 622

You deserved it 3 020

The Top

Today, I got up early to go to the gym before work. As I was walking to my car, I slipped on a patch of what appeared to be a patch of wet moss and fell, spraining my ankle. Not only did I have to miss my workout, but I had to call in sick to work and spend the day at home, hobbling around with a swollen ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 628

You deserved it 125

Today, I corrected someone about a "fact" I'd learned online. They immediately pulled up a search on their phone to prove me wrong. It appears that I'd been confidently spreading a meme as if it were the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 729

Today, I found a diamond on the floor, which I could only assume was from one of my brother's cheap earrings. I was positive that it was fake. To prove it to myself, I ran it across my window, as they say only real diamonds cut glass. It's real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 482

You deserved it 42 425

Today, I got a zero on my math test. My teacher was convinced that I had written the answers on my arm. No answers, just really thick, black arm hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 522

You deserved it 3 331

Today, I yelled at a new employee for violating the company's makeup policy which is minimum coverage. She had red lipstick, very dark drawn eyebrows, and foundation that made her look like a ghost. She took out a makeup wipe and used it then showed me it, only to reveal she doesn't wear any. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 924

You deserved it 15 130

Today, I was walking downstairs to the subway. At the top of the stairs, some hobo was peeing. Two seconds before, I'd told my friend I felt rain. It wasn't rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 037

You deserved it 3 570

Same thing different taste

Great idea

New kink unlocked

Inked

Top comments

Comments