Love: Today, I woke up at 7am next to the man I swore I'd never get...

By JJAnd - 28/08/2011 06:37 - United States

Today, I woke up at 7am next to the man I swore I'd never get intimate with again. After trying to get back to sleep despite my shame and disgust, he ripped the loudest fart ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 273

You deserved it 48 068

Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves! More…

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Same thing different taste

Drunk hookup ends with a… bang

By Anonymous - 14/10/2019 12:00

Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 477

You deserved it 554

By Wowsers. - 30/01/2010 08:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 805

You deserved it 36 005

By byebyeromance - 26/08/2014 01:03 - United States - State College

Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 310

You deserved it 5 072

Rude awakening

By Anonymous - 08/04/2020 23:00

Today, I was woken up at 4 in the morning by my boyfriend farting on my leg and giggling in his sleep. For the third time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 545

You deserved it 253

By GasAttack - 07/09/2009 13:32 - Canada

Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 473

You deserved it 8 533

The runs

By Anonymous - 04/01/2021 04:58

Today, I woke up next to my wife at my in-laws. It was all set to be a beautiful morning when we got serves breakfast in bed, until my mother in-law started pointing at the big shit stain running from my ass and on to the sheets. Never trust a fart, especially when you're sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 526

By sydneybourgeois - 13/08/2011 04:06 - United States

Today, the guy of my dreams told me he liked me and leaned in to kiss me. Just as our lips touched, I ripped a big ass fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 518

You deserved it 16 145

By nightmare ass - 15/05/2019 06:11

Today, I let out the most vile, nose-melting dairy curdling fart of my life. The sound didn’t wake me up. But the nightmare I had from how rank smelling it was sure did. My own fart ruined my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 535

You deserved it 420

By ohmygoodness - 02/03/2009 21:51 - United States

Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarreah in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping form and he rolled over to whisper, "I heard everthing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 720

You deserved it 17 288

By anonymous - 14/03/2012 05:18 - Canada

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my fiancé, when he jumped up and viciously sat on my face. I then heard, smelled, and tasted the most violent, horrific fart known to man. I still can't get the taste out of my mouth, and he can't stop laughing. I'm getting married to this guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 058

You deserved it 14 183

cahlalsteel 1

Sunday 28 August 2011 16:11

hold your breath

FriskyTaco 0

Sunday 28 August 2011 16:11

At least he didn't shit the bed...

Comments

Nexus_surgeon 7

Wednesday 14 September 2011 1:23

Maybe you never get intimate with anyone,after Shock.Maybe you never get intimate with anyone,after Shock.

chefboyarde 7

Thursday 13 October 2011 2:54

Giggity.....

missbonita21 0

Wednesday 11 April 2012 4:42

Ahahahaha!!!!!!!

WhyMe9516 15

Tuesday 25 September 2012 10:48

I 'hope' you were drunk? At least you won't have broken your 'promise' then. ;)

banan_a_queen 3

Wednesday 20 August 2014 4:24

Oh sweet god why????? ?

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The Top

Today, I taught my daughter to tell a teacher if she was being bullied. My husband however taught her teachers are useless, and if you punch bullies in the balls really hard, they will bend forwards which puts them in a good position for an uppercut that will knock out teeth. The school is furious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 156

Today, my wife quit her job, not wanting to go back to in person at her office, to be a stay-at-home mom. Tomorrow, for my birthday, I was going to tell her that I'm not in love with her, have found an apartment, and signed a 2-year lease. I can't afford the apartment, mortgage, and the kids' tuition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 611

You deserved it 2 771

The Top

Today, it's my birthday, and like every other Sunday, my wife's been called into work, and I'm left with our three toddlers and yesterday's mess to clean up. It's raining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 257

Today, I heard my son losing his virginity. It was hard not to, I’m disabled and need his assistance to get out of bed, so when I woke up I could hear them in the next room. He sounded like a dying cat, plus he cried afterwards, and she had to comfort him. God I wish I was deaf as well as disabled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 453

You deserved it 283

Today, I woke up with a black eye. Why? My husband was having a dream where he was fighting somebody and wound up punching me in the face in his sleep. I had a very important job interview this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 548

You deserved it 3 012

Today, after recently moving to an apartment, we've already been asked if we wanted to buy drugs, had a children's chair thrown through the front window, our door painted with "CUNT LICKER" and my laundry stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 273

You deserved it 4 003

Today, I accidentally let one of my grandma's cats outside, so I tried to get her back in. Unfortunately, this proved to be very difficult, because this damn cat would wait for me to get near her, and as soon as I came close to picking her up, she would leap and run away, then wait for me again. Show-off bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 251

Today, I found out that the generous gift from my boyfriend of a new iPhone was only given so he could use the "Find my phone" function to make sure I'm always where I say I am each day. I'm being stalked by my own boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 192

You deserved it 8 951

Same thing different taste

Drunk hookup ends with a… bang

Rude awakening

The runs

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