Intimacy: Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow....

By R_U_CEREAL - 04/07/2009 08:58 - United States

Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow. My mom recorded it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 097

You deserved it 13 729

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Same thing different taste

Poor pillow

By Randy Candy - 12/02/2021 17:01 - United States

Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 303

You deserved it 277

Lock your doors

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 00:14

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 470

You deserved it 763

By Anonymous - 02/11/2014 19:47 - Australia - Werribee

Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 990

You deserved it 4 772

By Anonymous - 17/01/2016 18:41 - United States - Valparaiso

Today, I was having a wet dream and had a pretty vivid imagination. I ended up thrusting so hard that it showed up in reality. I literally humped so hard that I woke myself up. Not only that, but I was sleeping on the living room floor so my roommates saw and now it's their joke of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 709

You deserved it 3 993

By GiveADogABone - 15/10/2015 22:47 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to get it on on the bed. As soon as things were starting to get heated, I turned over and saw that my dog had not only jumped up on the bed, but had been watching and started to hump the pillow next to our heads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 055

You deserved it 3 517

By Mygawdwhy - 21/01/2018 01:30

Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 185

You deserved it 2 059

By tracy4191 - 18/09/2016 05:21 - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, I found out my mom sleeps in my room when I'm at college during the week. I discovered this my bumping into her dildo with my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 556

You deserved it 737

False alarm

By dirtyhands - 18/02/2009 23:01 - United States

Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 529

You deserved it 62 912

By glittercat - 26/01/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 258

You deserved it 3 323

Alexa, play "Asleep" by The Smiths

By Anonymous - 01/10/2019 12:00

Today, I woke up to my best friend laying next to me vigorously touching herself. She thought I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 667

You deserved it 222

awuh_man 0

Saturday 4 July 2009 16:04

haha that sucks was it hot?

Dboy23 0

Saturday 4 July 2009 16:11

LMFAO! Horny little bugger are we?

Comments

kabrii815 5

Tuesday 4 August 2009 19:48

That was so hilarious there aren't even words to explain. I'm just curious is that satifying in any way.

skgirl 0

Saturday 8 August 2009 7:01

haha that shit is funny why were you doing it in the first place god knows why haha omg thats just halarious

_rawrasaur_ 0

Wednesday 12 August 2009 10:54

She was probably wondering why she had to wash the pillowcases so often. FYL depends on what she plans to do with the video...

Bloonbloon 0

Monday 9 November 2009 5:06

today I was reading a fml about pillow humping. I acidentally pressed ydi instead of I agree. FML

minenotyours 0

Thursday 31 December 2009 9:51

oh that wasn't a pillow that was me ;) lmfao

ihatebunnys2 0

Monday 18 January 2010 6:17

I was lol at violently humping my pillow! but ur mom recording made me laugh til it hurt

smbridges 15

Wednesday 3 February 2010 16:12

haha omg i cant believe she actually recorded it FYL

mp73 0

Tuesday 23 February 2010 1:14

my dog does that all the time

locolouis 0

Monday 22 March 2010 5:57

I am super cearl

ChicaChica5683 0

Friday 30 April 2010 4:03

violently?? lol

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The Top

Today, I met my boyfriend's sophisticated grandparents. I politely introduced myself. The first words to come out of his granny's mouth were, "If something happens to him, you won't get a f*cking cent of the insurance money, you hear?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 691

You deserved it 3 149

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from high school at the exact pizza shop we met at where I worked in high school. She broke it off with me after she caught me cheating with her best friend. These days, she's a lawyer who makes six figures a year. I still work at the same pizza shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 306

You deserved it 125 964

The Top

Today, my roommates decided to do some experimental baking. To be supportive, I tried one of their creations. I've been alternating between vomiting and diarrhea for the past hour. My jaw is sore from vomiting, and I can barely muster the energy to flush between "switching sides" anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 593

You deserved it 2 456

Today, I retrieved the wrong luggage from an airport carousel. I'm now the owner of two water-bras, a false beard, a bag of cat litter, and some anal beads. I'm afraid to get in touch with the original owner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 101

You deserved it 6 356

Today, the gums around my wisdom teeth are so badly swollen that I can't talk. I called a dentist to find out if I could see them for a removal. They told me to contact a surgeon, or go to the hospital emergency room. I have no insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 085

You deserved it 228

Today, my mom wanted me to pick up my cousin from work immediately. I'm in my shirt and underwear with no other clothes and I'm also too young to drive. She said "He won't mind, and just take my drivers license, they'll never know!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 916

You deserved it 201

Today, I made a positive remark to the owner of my local groceries store for employing a special needs girl. Not only is the girl not mentally handicapped, she's also the owner's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 667

You deserved it 32 782

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 113

You deserved it 10 955