Intimacy: Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow....

By R_U_CEREAL - 04/07/2009 08:58 - United States

Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow. My mom recorded it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 097

You deserved it 13 729

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Same thing different taste

Poor pillow

By Randy Candy - 12/02/2021 17:01 - United States

Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 303

You deserved it 277

Lock your doors

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 00:14

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 470

You deserved it 763

By Anonymous - 02/11/2014 19:47 - Australia - Werribee

Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 990

You deserved it 4 772

By Anonymous - 17/01/2016 18:41 - United States - Valparaiso

Today, I was having a wet dream and had a pretty vivid imagination. I ended up thrusting so hard that it showed up in reality. I literally humped so hard that I woke myself up. Not only that, but I was sleeping on the living room floor so my roommates saw and now it's their joke of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 709

You deserved it 3 993

By GiveADogABone - 15/10/2015 22:47 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to get it on on the bed. As soon as things were starting to get heated, I turned over and saw that my dog had not only jumped up on the bed, but had been watching and started to hump the pillow next to our heads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 055

You deserved it 3 517

By Mygawdwhy - 21/01/2018 01:30

Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 185

You deserved it 2 059

By tracy4191 - 18/09/2016 05:21 - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, I found out my mom sleeps in my room when I'm at college during the week. I discovered this my bumping into her dildo with my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 556

You deserved it 737

False alarm

By dirtyhands - 18/02/2009 23:01 - United States

Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 529

You deserved it 62 912

By glittercat - 26/01/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 258

You deserved it 3 323

Alexa, play "Asleep" by The Smiths

By Anonymous - 01/10/2019 12:00

Today, I woke up to my best friend laying next to me vigorously touching herself. She thought I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 667

You deserved it 222

awuh_man 0

Saturday 4 July 2009 16:04

haha that sucks was it hot?

Dboy23 0

Saturday 4 July 2009 16:11

LMFAO! Horny little bugger are we?

Comments

car6435 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 6:13

youtube!!!!!!

cookie77 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 15:54

Wow...I think your mom has a very creepy sense of humor

lMfA0_fml 0

Wednesday 22 July 2009 8:42

damm, WTF lol u shouldd b ashamedd....smh. but itszz okaii :D

Hurleygal 0

Wednesday 22 July 2009 18:37

did it get u hard LOLZzz what were u dreaming about? LOL VIOLENTLY BE CAREFUL PILLOW LOL LOL LOL

Hurleygal 0

Wednesday 22 July 2009 18:39

Its a partener that can never tell u ur bad in the bed lol and pillow fluff flew everywhere lol

xxAHIPPIExx 0

Friday 24 July 2009 8:35

aww cmon thats funny. hahaha no offense, but u got a hela funny mom

hiphopapotamuz 0

Saturday 25 July 2009 5:00

4 u creep me out

ajmhooper 0

Monday 27 July 2009 4:13

L.M.F.A.O. hilariousssssssss!

fluckmylife 0

Monday 27 July 2009 20:22

violently :)

court3love 0

Monday 3 August 2009 8:32

ha. your mom....wow whats your name.. i live in oregon too

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Today, while working as a veterinary assistant, an owner stood extremely close to me and kept accidentally petting me instead of her dog. After her dog was examined, she asked me if I'd ever had the chickenpox because she has shingles and it's contagious to those who haven't. I haven't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 700

You deserved it 321

Today, my sister bought my five year-old son a giant ant farm for his birthday. We set it in the living room on a table. I went into the kitchen for a minute, and when I walked back in to the living room, my son was holding the empty case over his head, smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 175

You deserved it 7 970

The Top

Today, I was on Instagram and I sent a meme to my other account. Tell me why as soon as I switched over and saw my one chat notification, I got excited, then remembered I'd just sent myself a meme. FML

I agree, your life sucks 144

You deserved it 296

Today, my only day off this week, my cat decided that she wanted feeding at 5am and wouldn’t stop meowing till I filled up her bowl. She then refused to eat it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 940

You deserved it 741

Today, my husband was being obnoxious, so I jokingly sprayed him with the dish hose. The floor got wet, and he slipped and busted his knees. Our daughter rushed over to him to see if he was OK, then slipped and busted her head on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 807

You deserved it 7 246

Today, I made the decision to quit smoking while I was driving in my car. So I took my pack, crushed it and threw it out the window. I felt triumphant about this change I was making in my life, until the cop I didn't know was behind me gave me a ticket for littering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 988

You deserved it 46 115

Today, the highlight of my day was learning how to drain my dog's anal glands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 519

You deserved it 4 627

Today, after 4 years of nicely asking, I wrote an official memo to our logistics department, asking for new chairs for my subordinates. The logistics people came and concluded that there are more broken chairs than good ones, but suggested that perhaps we should all go on a diet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 987

You deserved it 3 053