Intimacy: Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently...

By urgg - 05/09/2010 14:20 - United States

Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently I talk in my sleep, because my boyfriend kept staring at my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 913

You deserved it 5 024

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Same thing different taste

By AwkwardMoments - 26/01/2017 14:00

Today, while napping on the couch, I had a very vivid dream about a girl I like. I woke up to my mother and father choking back laughter and recording me on their phones. I don't know what's worse: waking up with a boner in front of my parents or finding out I was also talking dirty in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 959

You deserved it 712

By Anonymous - 07/06/2012 17:41 - United States - Oregon City

Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 188

You deserved it 6 720

Poor pillow

By Randy Candy - 12/02/2021 17:01 - United States

Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 301

You deserved it 276

Who the ****?

By Anonymous - 04/10/2010 02:04 - United States

Today, I woke up finding out I had a wet dream last night. About someone other than my girlfriend. I don't remember anything about the dream, but my girlfriend remembers everything, aparently I talked through out my dream, she was right next to me listening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 896

You deserved it 5 933

By Anonymous - 17/01/2016 18:41 - United States - Valparaiso

Today, I was having a wet dream and had a pretty vivid imagination. I ended up thrusting so hard that it showed up in reality. I literally humped so hard that I woke myself up. Not only that, but I was sleeping on the living room floor so my roommates saw and now it's their joke of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 709

You deserved it 3 990

By jennahh - 10/07/2019 22:00

Today, I had a sexual dream about my ex, and I woke up after saying his name. My boyfriend was awake, and heard all the dirty talk and me moaning my ex-boyfriend's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 180

You deserved it 1 058

By Light Sleeper - 14/10/2012 04:24 - United States - Evansville

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 026

You deserved it 4 492

By damnit - 16/10/2009 17:27 - United States

Today, I had a wet dream. The problem was that I was dreaming about watching porn. I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 710

You deserved it 4 271

By Fark - 27/05/2010 22:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a dream I was going the bathroom. I then woke up peeing, but I didn’t wet the bed yet. As I ran to the bathroom while half asleep and in the dark, I rammed into the wall. On my way back to bed, I tripped and accidentally slapped my fiancé in an effort to stop myself from falling over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 325

You deserved it 4 959

By Anonymous - 07/08/2012 14:49 - United States

Today, I discovered that I sometimes talk in my sleep. After spending an amazing, perfectly romantic night with my boyfriend, I woke up to him telling me to leave. I have no idea what I could have said. He still won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 671

You deserved it 3 066

angrygood 0

Sunday 5 September 2010 19:21

Wow... Never happened to me.

oboewhore_xD 6

Sunday 5 September 2010 19:22

What did you name it? :D

Comments

sallen0046 4

Monday 6 September 2010 3:49

He's your boyfriend, if you sleep in the same bed, he's aware that you do not in fact have a penis.

_Ama_Lia_V_ 0

Monday 6 September 2010 3:51

Wtf, I Never Talk About What I Dream About Lmao

PolishHammer 0

Monday 6 September 2010 3:58

So u sleep together but he hasn't seen you naked?

1121osu2110 0

Monday 6 September 2010 4:03

hahaha my lover use to have the same dream... she's a dyke! lol

xxCoraLeexx 0

Monday 6 September 2010 4:06

no way, I had the SAME dream! ^.^

imsosleepy 9

Monday 6 September 2010 4:11

lol

LOLSWAT 0

Monday 6 September 2010 5:34

oh no, u had an unusual dream, the ******* world is gonna end. and oh no, a person talking in their sleep, ur bf is an idiot.

xoxomylifesucks 0

Monday 6 September 2010 5:47

LMAO

Mars_Bars_Big_Na 0

Monday 6 September 2010 6:00

it's ok if #32 does tho because she's hot

XoXkXoX 0

Monday 6 September 2010 6:30

haha I like that

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Love Money Racism Harassment My ex Work Accident Embarrassing Religion AITA Am I overreacting? Health Relatable Gifts Annoying LGBTQIA+ Inappropriate Education Teachers Animals Dogs Relationship advice Cute Cats Transportation Cars Friends Scams

The Top

Today, my boss fired me for "fooling around" on my phone. I was looking for supplies for a surprise party we are throwing him for his birthday, and I didn't want to do it on my work computer because he has access to our history. Also, this happened during my lunch break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 386

You deserved it 1 953

Today, I gave birth to my firstborn child. Somehow, my mom and mother-in-law made their way to the delivery room, and walked in mid-push. While they were escorted out, I overheard my mother-in-law asking the nurse how her son, my husband, was holding up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 559

You deserved it 1 098

The Top

Today, on my way to a big convention in Chicago, I found out that when my friend said, "I live in Chicago," they really meant, "I live an hour and a half outside of Chicago." Hello traffic and hours of daily driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 652

You deserved it 1 778

Today, my boyfriend said, "You know who you remind me of? Sarah Palin." And then for the next 15 minutes continued to discuss how ugly she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 308

You deserved it 3 703

Today, I found a curly hair in my fries at a restaurant. It was disgusting, so I screamed at my waiter. To my surprise, they kicked me out of the restaurant for, "making a scene". They wouldn’t even replace my fries. When did the customer stop being right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 204

You deserved it 3 255

Today, while eating dinner, my girlfriend looked at me, smiled and said, "I can't tell if this is love or Stockholm Syndrome, but either way I'm happy." I'm not sure what to make of that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 498

You deserved it 218

Today, I was released from jail. Why was I in jail? Last night, I used my taser on a much larger, drunken male individual who wouldn't physically keep his hands off me, despite me telling him to back off. Everything was on camera outside the bar, yet I'm the one who was arrested. Thank you California laws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 367

You deserved it 228

Today I woke up with an extremely bad flu and severe nausea. As I rolled around wanting to die I remembered that 4 days prior, I had hoped to get a cold to skip a compulsary carol service for my Catholic school. Now, on Christmas Eve, I just want to say, be careful what you wish for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 322

You deserved it 1 740

Same thing different taste

Poor pillow

Who the ****?

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