Intimacy: Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently...

By urgg - 05/09/2010 14:20 - United States

Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently I talk in my sleep, because my boyfriend kept staring at my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 915

You deserved it 5 025

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Same thing different taste

By AwkwardMoments - 26/01/2017 14:00

Today, while napping on the couch, I had a very vivid dream about a girl I like. I woke up to my mother and father choking back laughter and recording me on their phones. I don't know what's worse: waking up with a boner in front of my parents or finding out I was also talking dirty in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 967

You deserved it 712

By Anonymous - 07/06/2012 17:41 - United States - Oregon City

Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 191

You deserved it 6 723

Poor pillow

By Randy Candy - 12/02/2021 17:01 - United States

Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 303

You deserved it 278

Who the ****?

By Anonymous - 04/10/2010 02:04 - United States

Today, I woke up finding out I had a wet dream last night. About someone other than my girlfriend. I don't remember anything about the dream, but my girlfriend remembers everything, aparently I talked through out my dream, she was right next to me listening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 900

You deserved it 5 934

By Anonymous - 17/01/2016 18:41 - United States - Valparaiso

Today, I was having a wet dream and had a pretty vivid imagination. I ended up thrusting so hard that it showed up in reality. I literally humped so hard that I woke myself up. Not only that, but I was sleeping on the living room floor so my roommates saw and now it's their joke of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 710

You deserved it 3 993

By jennahh - 10/07/2019 22:00

Today, I had a sexual dream about my ex, and I woke up after saying his name. My boyfriend was awake, and heard all the dirty talk and me moaning my ex-boyfriend's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 186

You deserved it 1 058

By Light Sleeper - 14/10/2012 04:24 - United States - Evansville

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 032

You deserved it 4 495

By damnit - 16/10/2009 17:27 - United States

Today, I had a wet dream. The problem was that I was dreaming about watching porn. I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 713

You deserved it 4 272

By Fark - 27/05/2010 22:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a dream I was going the bathroom. I then woke up peeing, but I didn’t wet the bed yet. As I ran to the bathroom while half asleep and in the dark, I rammed into the wall. On my way back to bed, I tripped and accidentally slapped my fiancé in an effort to stop myself from falling over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 328

You deserved it 4 961

By Anonymous - 07/08/2012 14:49 - United States

Today, I discovered that I sometimes talk in my sleep. After spending an amazing, perfectly romantic night with my boyfriend, I woke up to him telling me to leave. I have no idea what I could have said. He still won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 672

You deserved it 3 066

angrygood 0

Sunday 5 September 2010 19:21

Wow... Never happened to me.

oboewhore_xD 6

Sunday 5 September 2010 19:22

What did you name it? :D

Comments

girlslikeguys 0

Monday 6 September 2010 0:55

lol ;)

frootietootie 0

Monday 6 September 2010 1:03

I'm a girl and I've never in my life had that kind of dream.

bryan1992 0

Monday 6 September 2010 1:15

ahh haha sorry but that's funny

tcordell 0

Monday 6 September 2010 1:28

sounds like penis envy to me lol

joshp406 0

Monday 6 September 2010 1:40

and i thought i was strange

nikkired 0

Monday 6 September 2010 1:42

I must be strange. I've never had a dream that I had a penis but I do dream about them ;)

5g0mez5 0

Monday 6 September 2010 2:20

that's funny as ****

XoXoSLY 0

Monday 6 September 2010 2:27

I had a dream I had a penis and ****** some girl. and after I ****** her she stalked me in my dream. It was crazy!!

nikkired 0

Monday 6 September 2010 3:06

What did it feel like being on the other side ?

penguins17 0

Monday 6 September 2010 3:21

maybe it wasent a dream

mygodmary 0

Monday 6 September 2010 3:31

hahaa that's adorable

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I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 17

Today, while driving home, I looked in the rear-view mirror and saw that my three-year-old daughter had managed to get out of her seat and had crawled to the back window. I pulled over and strapped her in again. Five minutes later she was back at the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 219

You deserved it 5 961

The Top

Today, I was delivering pizzas and hit up a dude’s house who ordered two boxes of extra large. He gave me the exact change. I asked him, “What about the tip?” He paused for a minute, let out this loud rancid fart and said, “There’s your tip bub, now piss off!” and shut the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 1 479

Today, I was in the bathroom taking a massive dump, with the door closed, moaning and yelling to get it out, knowing I was home alone. When it was done, I walked out to see my mother on the couch, who said, "I know masturbation is normal, but please try to do it while we're not here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 1 388

Today, I drove 100 miles from my parents' house to mine. I had only a few miles left when I realized I really had to pee. I didn't want to pull over somewhere when I was so close to home, so I sped up. A cop pulled me over a block from my house. I started to sob, and ended up peeing myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 261

You deserved it 15 468

Today, I checked my facebook, and my wife of 5 years was listed as single. I then write on her wall that it is ok to announce to be married. She writes back saying that we have to talk and to come to the kitchen. My wife divorced me over facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 260 100

You deserved it 13 161

Today, I thought it would be fun to make a grand entrance at a party by doing a backflip through the door. I misjudged the height of the door frame, crashed my shins into it, and landed on my face right on a pile of shoes by the door. The host asked if I needed an ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 1 328

Today, I seriously strained my back picking up my daughter. I’m only 22 and now I have a bad back a man in his 70s would be proud of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 376

You deserved it 288

Same thing different taste

Poor pillow

Who the ****?

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