Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up to a burglar holding a gun. He yelled at me... - FML

By mike oxsmall - 16/06/2011 05:42 - United States

Today, I woke up to a burglar holding a gun. He yelled at me to get up so I did. He then paused and laughed. I was sleeping naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 052

You deserved it 6 557

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Same thing different taste

By Hunterxx - 07/08/2010 05:21 - United States

Today, my husband thought it'd be funny to trigger the alarm in the house while I was sleeping. Shocked, I ran outside naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 761

You deserved it 7 236

By hellphone_fml - 01/07/2019 20:00

Today, someone knocked on my door. I yelled "Yeah?" while getting up, since it was locked. My grandpa walked in, as I apparently didn't actually lock it. I was naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 379

You deserved it 659

Caught

By Anonymous - 25/10/2015 02:47 - United States - Apollo

Today, I woke up to noises in my living room. I was scared, but I loaded my gun and snuck downstairs. I burst into the living room, yelled for the motherfucker robbing me to put his hands up, and flicked on the light. My cat stared back at me like I was a moron then calmly walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 617

You deserved it 7 924

By DarkDolly - 04/02/2012 16:39 - France

Today, at around 2am, I was walking through a parking lot to my car when a man walking behind me told me not to be scared. I turned around to tell him there was no problem. He was naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 038

You deserved it 3 173

By 123roomielover - 26/01/2011 17:40 - United States

Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few inches from my face. She then told me how easy I would be to kill in my sleep. Then she stood up, naked from head to toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 567

You deserved it 3 740

By Anonymous - 10/04/2011 06:05 - United States

Today, a stoned man tried to break into my house. Naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 301

You deserved it 4 524

Single shot

By irulan - 14/01/2020 03:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I farted so loudly in bed and I woke up my husband. Startled, he thought that someone was entered in our room and fired a shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 540

You deserved it 599

By Noname - 13/03/2009 03:42 - United States

Today, I woke up to find my car broken into. After being upset for not hearing my car alarm go off I realized it had in the middle of the night. I had woken up and cursed the idiot who set off their alarm and put a pillow over my head, falling back to sleep shortly after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 784

You deserved it 54 240

Sneaky

By TasedAndDazed - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 619

You deserved it 43 665

By BedazzledAlpaca - 08/12/2014 05:03 - United States - Englewood

Today, I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to find that I had slept through my house getting robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 856

You deserved it 4 309

Next

Top comments

ThatFatGuyBehind 3

Thursday 16 June 2011 12:05

How small was it for him to be laughing during a burgalery.

hellogoodbye1996 6

Thursday 16 June 2011 12:05

did he tell you to put clothes on?

Comments

AnimalLover1031 8

Thursday 16 June 2011 14:58

So the fact that he was holding a gun to you wasn't a big deal?

berryblue 0

Thursday 16 June 2011 14:59

ohh

pinkspaceboundro 0

Thursday 16 June 2011 15:01

uh- whoa! to wake up with someone pointing a gun at you, and then to be laughed at? no ma'am, I'd jumped on him like a SPIDER MONKEY!

OfficerCartman 0

Thursday 16 June 2011 15:02

Respect my athoritah!

TheJashinist 8

Thursday 16 June 2011 15:07

Well, it's better than him shooting you!

humzizzl3 0

Thursday 16 June 2011 15:12

69 Lmaoo hahah

shutupYDI 4

Thursday 16 June 2011 15:14

67 I like ur comment because u are good looking!!

Neorecon19 18

Thursday 16 June 2011 15:15

from the sound of OPs username, I'm guessing they're a male, if so, then the reason for the burglar's laughing is about OP's Mr. Droopy

BigOrca 2

Thursday 16 June 2011 15:20

that's the funniest thing. You should of told him you have the biggest small penis ever.

brookie063 5

Thursday 16 June 2011 15:23

well isn't that awkward!

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we'd just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 886

You deserved it 61 114

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You deserved it 4 976

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 168

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I agree, your life sucks 30 947

You deserved it 2 515

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I agree, your life sucks 1 746

You deserved it 200

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I agree, your life sucks 2 261

You deserved it 685

Today, after finally putting my foot down and trying to kick my husband out for his alcoholism, I got a lecture from his parents about how much of a piece of shit I am for "giving up" on their son. I've been trying to get him to get help for the past three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 603

You deserved it 193

Today, my cat pissed in my zen garden. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 946

You deserved it 23 858