Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML - FML

By jaqlove - 02/07/2016 20:28 - United States - Clementon

Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 026

You deserved it 2 643

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Same thing different taste

By no name - 22/02/2011 12:25

Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 960

You deserved it 4 787

Top o' the mornin' to ya

By Anonymous - 29/07/2022 16:00 - United States - Littleton

Today, I woke up bright and early… because a spider crawled into my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 804

You deserved it 78

By foxbrat - 11/10/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 236

You deserved it 3 297

By Anonymous - 23/10/2011 11:45 - United States

Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 276

You deserved it 4 595

Added protein

By Anonymous - 10/02/2021 00:30

Today, I was drinking lemon juice through a straw. After finishing half of the drink, I noticed there was a cockroach in my straw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 949

You deserved it 192

By wellesleybanana - 17/04/2009 18:43 - United States

Today, I finally got some sleep after an exterminator came yesterday and took care of our roach problem. I woke up and kissed my boyfriend good morning. Frowning, he told me I had something stuck on the corner of my mouth. It was a roach leg. Where is the rest of the roach? FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 236

You deserved it 4 686

By Anonymous - 12/06/2015 05:35 - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I was studying for a big test I have next Tuesday in my room. I heard a creak in my ceiling but assumed it was nothing as my house is old. Thirty seconds later something fell from my air vent directly onto my head. It was a giant cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 582

You deserved it 2 139

By mac - 27/01/2014 14:40 - Australia - Bankstown

Today, my roommate showed me a video of a cockroach crawling all over my face while I was asleep in the lounge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 429

You deserved it 4 377

The fun never ends

By Yudith - 02/01/2023 03:00 - Canada

Today, I found a New Year's surprise: a cockroach in my kitchen drawers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 766

You deserved it 134

By Whyis Dremora - 30/09/2018 15:00 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 837

You deserved it 297

Next

Top comments

Unenunciable 14

Sunday 3 July 2016 11:42

You should really go to the doctor to make sure it didn't lay any eggs in your ear canal!!

lex1459 38

Sunday 3 July 2016 11:31

Alright. Well. Safe to say I'll be sleeping with something covering my ears tonight.

Comments

Bookworm1315 13

Sunday 3 July 2016 16:04

This is my worst nightmare. I hate those nasty things. Maybe try sleeping with comfortable ear plugs

vegantreegirl 26

Sunday 3 July 2016 17:31

No! No! No! Time to burn the house down. =/ =/ =/

captainsmegma 12

Sunday 3 July 2016 18:29

Time for some light, make that heavy housekeeping.

CallMeACanadian 11

Sunday 3 July 2016 18:38

Better them what i read; i woke up with a cockroach in my rear!

SimplySaraya 9

Sunday 3 July 2016 19:24

If it was me I'd be pulling a Van Gogh...adios ear

species4872 19

Sunday 3 July 2016 20:07

Maybe it was there to get it's legs waxed...

Jeffame7 9

Sunday 3 July 2016 20:19

Ah shit! now u reminded me of the time I was stung on my ear by a wasp when I was a kid

manuwish 9

Sunday 3 July 2016 20:29

eeeeeeeewwww!!!OP that was the worst post I've read in a long time..poor OP ;(( Words can't even begin to describe how horrifying that sounds to me.

ishnation 11

Monday 4 July 2016 0:35

Look at the bright side, at least it wasn't someone's tongue...

Demon_of_Light 27

Tuesday 5 July 2016 22:46

Honestly, I might prefer someone's tongue. Someone's tongue can't get stuck in there and roam around freely (possibly laying eggs) until it gets medically removed.

brenton490 19

Monday 4 July 2016 2:46

time to sleep in an inflatable bubble so keeps them nasty roaches out and burn that ear...

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The Top

Today, I got home from a business trip and found my wife in bed with my sister. She tried to claim they had just had a girls' night and fell asleep watching a movie, even though when I caught them, they were naked, wet and my wife’s head was buried in my sister's crotch. Movie night, sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 786

You deserved it 148

Today, I found one of those realistic, expensive sex dolls in my boyfriend's cupboard. I asked why on earth he had that and apparently it’s for all those filthy, violent sexual things he likes to do, but knows most women would never even agree to try. Um, WHAT? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 248

You deserved it 529

The Top

Today, it's the first birthday of the condom in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 992

You deserved it 9 234

Today, I was hit by a car while riding my bike, so I called my dad for help. He blamed me for the accident, said he wasn't sure what I wanted him to do, and suggested I call my mom instead. She isn't picking up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 621

You deserved it 289

Today, my live-in girlfriend and I broke up. She told me she can't leave because she has nowhere to go. I'm stuck with her until she finds a job and an apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 986

You deserved it 10 713

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was moving his hand from his thigh to my chest but on the way he sort of squeezed my stomach. When I asked him why he did that, he told me that "his fingers got stuck under my roll." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 735

You deserved it 20 103

Today, I had been practicing for a solo in a choir I’m in. I finally got it down and was all ready to audition. On audition night, the choir director let me try out, then decided all the sopranos should sing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 801

You deserved it 123

Today, Christmas Eve, I told my wife she has three presents to choose from: one large, one small and one tiny. She immediately responded, "Is the tiny one in your pants?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 757

You deserved it 2 235