Miscellaneous, Gross and Insects: I am the passenger - FML

I am the passenger

By Anonymous - 03/11/2024 13:00 - Canada - Victoria

Today, when I went to the bathroom, I found an earwig in my underpants. Yes, it was alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 70

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Top comments

bigredmonkeybutt 28

Tuesday 5 November 2024 0:21

Better than in your ear, I suppose.

Comments

bigredmonkeybutt 28

Tuesday 5 November 2024 0:21

Better than in your ear, I suppose.

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The Top

Today, I went to work leaving my girlfriend asleep in my bed. Later she calls me, demanding to know how long I've been cheating on her. We don't use condoms but she found several in the bin when she decided to empty it. I had to explain while my colleagues listened that I use them to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 339

You deserved it 19 748

Today, I located my birth dad and asked him why I was put into care. Turns out my mom died, and since he hadn’t wanted me in the first place, he just gave me away and hoped to never see me again. He didn’t even invite me in, he threw a beer at me and threatened to call the cops unless I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 508

You deserved it 227

The Top

Today, I learned Google Assistant and Google Home work harmoniously together if I blabber on without ending a command, like when sending a text to my mom about canceling dinner plans because I’m fake sick and going to hook up with this guy, it’ll send every word. My mistake & lesson learned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 2 198

Today, my girlfriend has big fake boobs, but gets offended when I tell her how much I like them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 584

You deserved it 6 374

Today, my first date in years cancelled on me because she has to "wash the horse's hair." The date was arranged for 9:30pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 315

You deserved it 3 453

Today, I tripped really hard and twisted my ankle on a toy that was on the floor, dropping a bag of trash filled with coffee and energy drinks my husband has piled around his desk. Instead of helping me up or helping me clean, he berated me about it. Told me that it's not my problem and went to his LoL game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 144

You deserved it 167

Today, I had three sheriffs come to my door, turns out my boyfriend of three years went on a robbing spree last week and brought the stolen merchandise back to my apartment. The best part: He used my car while committing the robberies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 227

You deserved it 6 636

Today, it's my birthday. When I asked my mom if we were gonna do anything special for my birthday. She said, "Don't lie to me. It's not your birthday." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 019

You deserved it 3 458