Miscellaneous: Today, it was my dad's birthday. As a joke, I got him one of...

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2010 06:28 - United States

Today, it was my dad's birthday. As a joke, I got him one of those big erasers that say, "FOR BIG MISTAKES." He opened it, tried to erase me with it, then said, "It doesn't work." and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 130

You deserved it 30 394

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By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My dad was supposed to take me to get a tattoo, but instead he went to the bar, got drunk, and told me how I was the biggest mistake he and my mom have ever made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 181

You deserved it 4 077

By mydadforgetsme - 04/11/2015 17:26 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my dad forgot it's my birthday. When I told him about it, he accused me of lying and threatened to ground me for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 693

You deserved it 1 470

The blame game

By Anonymous - 12/01/2016 14:44

Today, I'm mad at my dad for forgetting it's my birthday. He's mad at me for not reminding him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 789

You deserved it 1 913

By msj137 - 17/07/2009 07:25 - United States

Today, I had a softball tournament which also landed on my birthday. My dad had to leave town for work, so he left me a card on my night stand. Instead of a happy birthday, all it said was 'Don't mess up the game for everyone'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 162

You deserved it 2 851

By ZeroApostle4Ever - 23/02/2012 08:00 - United States

Today, my dad threw a waffle at my face for his own amusement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 082

You deserved it 6 605

By Kyle - 05/01/2012 06:58 - United States

Today, I jokingly mocked my dad about his age. He jokingly poured milk all over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 921

You deserved it 35 970

By Happy Birthday - 10/07/2018 15:00

Today, my Dad gave me my birthday card. The envelope was blank, as was the card, and the £0.25 price tag was still on. He was fully aware of all these things, but handed it to me and said, "By the way, I didn't write anything." Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 586

You deserved it 251

By rowie1311 - 27/03/2011 18:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 598

You deserved it 31 061

Lovely parents

By sigh - 18/11/2019 01:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, my parents forgot it was my birthday. They ordered me to scrub the common bathroom, and when I asked if they remembered, my dad's reaction was "Oh! Really?" My mom's was "I thought that it was next week." What lovely parents I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 340

You deserved it 201

Genius

By Anonymous - 25/04/2014 21:42 - United States - Red Bank

Today, my dad and I got into an argument. When I was proven wrong, he said, "Good job, genius." I shot back the first thing that popped into my head, which was "I am NOT a genius!" He laughed and says that if I die before him, he's having that engraved on my tombstone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 522

You deserved it 14 387

FATSQUIRELL69 0

Sunday 17 October 2010 16:23

lmfao hahah your dad is funny, hes just probably joking around, most parents do that

breenntt 0

Sunday 17 October 2010 16:23

lmao. this made my day.

Comments

jkweenjkwrntjkrw 0

Monday 18 October 2010 3:44

Pwned.

guitarman201 3

Monday 18 October 2010 4:13

haha my mom gave me one of those and I tried to erase my friends

Aniblecoby 0

Monday 18 October 2010 5:12

what a jerk

sockersweetie3 0

Monday 18 October 2010 5:20

I think someone can take a joke, I think he was just stating that his joke backfired...

babbiebee 0

Monday 18 October 2010 6:48

my mom did that to me

DNMendez95 3

Monday 18 October 2010 7:05

it could have been a joke

cgs_fml 0

Monday 18 October 2010 8:43

wow what a dick

sevans 0

Monday 18 October 2010 9:46

lol I bet he was just joking still epic win for your dad

LisaBanana 0

Monday 18 October 2010 10:11

YDI for trying to be funny.

wriptidez 0

Monday 18 October 2010 12:24

ru serious hes a jerk

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The Top

Today, I tried to confront my parents with the fact that they're almost certainly going to outlive me unless I radically change my lifestyle, and that I needed their assistance to help me stay on track. I only realized after my impassioned speech that they were ignoring me the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 444

Today, I ordered a pizza for delivery after a long day. When the delivery guy showed up, I realized I had no cash, so I tried to pay him using my credit card. Unfortunately, I couldn’t remember the PIN, and after three failed attempts, the delivery guy just stared at me in awkward silence and said, "It’s okay, I’ll just take the pizza back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 461

The Top

Today, my boyfriend told me that if I ever cheated on him, he'll chop my body up and dispose of all the parts, but keep my boobies, because he likes them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 302

You deserved it 7 730

Today, I woke up at 3 a.m. to my cat biting my face. This isn’t the first time this has happened. I’m pretty sure if I die in my sleep, she’ll eat me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 182

Today, I'm at North Fort Hood deploying with the Army Reserves, where the motto is, "You'll prefer to be in Iraq." We're in COVID quarantine with over 100 people in our barracks. We may never get out of here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 138

Today, after working my ass off for months trying to prove myself, I received an email from my boss regarding the end-year function. Excited to be invited, I opened the email just to see I'm the only one being left behind to answer the phones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 369

You deserved it 1 633

Today, I was supposed to start my first day of work at my dream job. However, my car had other plans and refused to start. When I called my boss to tell him I was going to be late, he told me not to come in at all and fired me on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 844

You deserved it 1 061

Today, while at a school anti-drugs assembly, the speaker asked everyone to stand up if they knew someone who had died of an overdose. As I stood up, my friend hit me in the side, making me laugh. I stood frozen under accusing glares while the speaker bitched me out for a good 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 444

You deserved it 12 767