#86 is right. not all people who practice polygamy are mormons; mormons were the group who invented the practice. i suppose since it has been carried on through hundreds of generations that it's easy to assume all mormons do. i'm just saying that it doesn't matter who it is. it's not right.

um, no? and you tell me to visit the library? mormons didn't "invent" polygamy. mormonism originated in the 1800's - polygamy had been going on for centuries before that.

how do you invent polygamy?

Simple. You go to the local office and get a patent. Then... Voila! Polygamy™

88- Mormons don't participate in polygamy!! Members of the "Mormon" church are ex-communicated if they do

Some parts of the world may use it as a form of oppression, but not every polygamous part of the world does, and it's not even true that every polygamous part of the world is polygynous. Just because some people use a tool in a negative manner doesn't mean it's not a good tool to have. Just because I can stab you with a knife doesn't mean we should suddenly making cooking a lot more difficult by removing knives from society. However, you are very correct about the true point of this FML. This was clearly something he needed to talk about with his wife, but his timing and his way of asking his wife was terrible. Also, just because he was asking his wife about polyamory doesn't mean he thought she'd welcome it. if he had done it correctly, it would have been something to discuss, to see whether she would be able to be comfortable with it, if she would mind a test drive, making sure she understands the full meaning and implications of it, and so much more. Unfortunately, the way he said it comes across severely as "You're boring, I want to go have sex with other women", and that really makes us real polyamorists look bad.

I know what you are saying, but as I stated in my post I have zero problem with polyamory. However I'm sorry but most polygamous countries in the past allowed it only for men. And it was generally a form of oppression. I'm not saying it is in every circumstance merely making the reasonable point that it actually has a fairly nasty history attached to it. Marriage has rarely been a good option for women, and many Muslim countries still prove the point that the system is wide open for abuse. But he must have after five years of marriage figured out whether polyamory was her thing or not. I know several poly people (personally I find it difficult enough to deal with one partner, let alone more!) and I know several people who have been in relationships with poly people. And there has not so far been one happy ending to a relationship between a poly and a non-poly that I know of. Jealousy, hurt and anger, a feeling of being not-enough occurs. So personally I reckon this man not only is not a real poly (who can carry out an actual relationship with multiple people,) I think he is a sleazy user who simply wants multiple sex partners. However I admire your comments on this issue very much, though we may disagree on elements

Trust me, I know the history of polygamy across a number of cultures. Polygyny is, not only the most common form of polygamy across cultures, it's actually historically the preferred type of marriage, cross-culturally speaking (by number of cultures, not number of people). And, yes, many of the more well-known cases of polygynous cultures (I would be reluctant to say "most polygamous cultures", however, given the large number of polygamous cultures most people don't know about) are rife with abuse of the system and oppression of women. However, it would be disingenuous to use that to say that polygamy is bad, especially in current (and future!) Western society, where most such abuses would either be utterly impossible or simply not culturally viable. I will grant that there would necessarily be some cases of it being abused in other ways, but the same is true of monogamous marriage as well! Further, any legalization of polygamy in Western societies today would necessarily allow both polyandry and polygyny, so the issues related to that are also moot. In light of this, I think it is hard to argue that polygamy is necessarily bad. I'm sorry to here that the poly/non-poly relations you've known have ended poorly, but my experience shows that this is not always the case. In fact, my situation is the perfect example! I will repeat once more my situation: I am in a serious relationship with someone, who is in one with someone else, who is in one with someone else. This chain started with the two people in the middle being monogamous with each other. Then one started being attracted to someone, and discussions of polyamory started, and they decided they were okay with it. Then the other started being attracted to someone, and they were still okay with it. The first pair eventually broke up and are still on good terms, then I came in, initially strictly monogamous. That actually sounded more confusing than I expected, so let's just make this easier.... A and B were monogamous. A started a relationship with C. B started a relationship with D. A and C broke up, but remained on good terms. A and I then started a relationship. Everyone in this entire situation started out strictly monogamous, mind you, and everything is still working out just fine. A and B have been together for about 4 years, B and D for about 2, and A and I are coming up on a year now. Now, I would be lying if I said there was not jealousy or hurt anywhere in here. In fact, I was the only one who never experienced any, but I was unusual. But rather than this being a relationship-ender, a lot of open communication smoothed things over and everyone is happier than before. I really am sorry to hear about all of the bad endings, but I assure you that that is not always the case. There are a _lot_ of successful cases of poly relationships, even with someone in the relationship chain be non-poly. Of course, there are nonsuccessful ones, but the same can be said about monogamous relationships. Now, that said, my assessment of this man is the same as yours. It's certainly possible for someone 5 years into a marriage to start being poly, but anyone serious about it would approach the subject in a much better manner than a "how do you feel about polygamy?" after sex. The key to a good poly relationship is trust and a lot of open communication, and I don't think either is likely with this man. I appreciate your comments on this thread, as well, and I very appreciate that your views, even the ones I disagree with, are at least well-informed rather than being a knee-jerk reaction based on the common societal view. You strike me as a very reasonable person, and it is honestly a joy to discuss things with you! ^_^

Well first of all, I'm very glad that your poly relationship has worked out so well. I only used the examples of my friends to show that there are cases where non-poly and poly people in a relationship can cause hurt. I mean I'm pretty open-minded generally, but I couldn't be poly (low sex drive) and thus wouldn't date an actively poly person probably, not because of physical jealousy, but more displeasure that my own sacred and wonderful company was not enough to satisfy them. Just kidding lol. Agreed that polygamous does not equal bad, and that there are many other factors in societies that abuse women. It's just polygyny exacebates those factors. I think we are a long way from a society that actively welcomes such relationships though :( I'm personally not sure whether polygamy is the way forward, since it would be very difficult to logistically manage. I think real poly people such as yourself are a far better advertisement than someone like this man who doesn't appear to have considered the implications for both partners. I especially admire those who can maintain a relationship even against societal pressure to adhere to the norm. Sentiments shared on the well informed rather than knee-jerk reaction! It's immensely refreshing to have a reasonable discussion without simply degenerating into a defensive position. Best of luck with the poly relationship!

You're obviously allowed to not be poly, and I'm by no means attempting to force you to be, or even to convert you to be, but I think it's worth noting that it's not a matter of one person not being enough to satisfy. I'm not sure how to explain this well, unfortunately, but it's *never* "Oh, you're not enough for me, so I'm going to go find someone else." Or, at least, in my experience it isn't, and with the poly people I know it isn't. If you're still not comfortable with it, that's obviously fine, though, I just want to make sure that you're not comfortable with the correct thing. XD I also don't think we'll be seeing legalized polygamy in the US in my lifetime, but I figure the least I can do is help people understand that most of the stigma associated with polygamy has nothing to do with polygamy. If I can have an interesting discussion with someone who seems to be a cool person at the same time, that's just a bonus ;) Thanks for the good wishes ^_^

If I could be poly, I probably would be. However I'm lacksadaisical in relationships, and I reckon that a poly relationship has a lot more built in stresses and needs communication even more. And since I'm by nature a happy and easy going person, I wouldn't even notice if something was going wrong. It's hard to explain, but I feel like I'd do both people down in their rights by not being able to give either a proper relationship. That's not to say with the right person I wouldn't consider it, but I think I'd rather share that person if that makes sense (a triangle rather than a line.) Taxes and benefits is the reason it won't be legalised. The government will never give extra marriage rights because of money. Argh I hate the government sometimes! Poking its nose into people's private life.

Then why should anyone fight for anyone's rights? Why should there have been white people who fought for race rights? Straights who argued for gays? First they came for the Jews and I did not speak out - because I was not a Jew. Then they came for the communists and I did not speak out - because I was not a communist. Then they came for the trade unionists and I did not speak out - because I was not a trade unionist. Then they came for me - and by then there was no one left to speak out for me. Pastor Martin Niemöller That's what happens when people turn their backs on rights for others, because they don't personally want or need those rights

"some (many), if not most of the US is perfectly fine with a regular marriage. why would someone, such as myself, want to fight for the personal freedom of someone like you when they are content already?" okay, obviously you've never taken a history class before. OR you agree with rule by majority? either way, you should be ashamed to call yourself a US citizen. ever heard of the civil rights movement? how do you think you should have your right to vote (well, i guess when you get older, seeing as you're only 14), if other people didn't feel the need to fight for your rights? how do you think slaves would be freed if other people didn't feel the need to fight for their rights? underprivileged minorities CAN'T fight for themselves - that's why they need people who may be "perfectly fine" with the status quo to stand up for them. you really need to learn to see past yourself. but since you're only 14, i guess i can understand.

Actually, its illegal to get legally married to more than one person-technically you CAN marry more than one person in the "eyes of god" etc. and if its okay with all the parties involved, why not? Marriage is a civil right and therefore-Why do YOU care if some one is involved with a polygamy? If the idea of Polygamy/Polyamory is so offensive to you then your answer is simple-don't get involved in one.

1) Your arguments seem circular because they are. I don't mean they all tie to the same statement, either. I mean the formal definition of circular reasoning, also known as begging the question. Basically, it comes down to saying "I know this is true because it is true" (though, your form is more along the lines of "I know B is true because A is true, which I know since B is true"). Hopefully, you can see why this doesn't work. 2) What do you mean "people will take advantage of it"? I can think of several ways you can mean that, and all of them make for poor arguments, but if you can tell me exactly what you mean by it, I can tell you exactly what's wrong with it. 3) It's been said several times already, but I think another time can't hurt: tyranny of the majority is a _bad_ thing. Your line of reasoning is the same line that most white people used in the 60s. Funny story, Martin Luther King, Jr. said that these people were more the enemy of the civil rights movement than the people who were actually lobbying against civil rights. And he's very right, too. My right to polygamy would not affect your, or anyone else's, right to monogamy, so there's no good reason not to allow it, but just like equal rights for black people, there are many good reasons _to_ allow it. 4) I'm having a plenty easy time following you, for the most part, except where you were being very vague or using suboptimal wording, so give me the facts. I'd be more than happy to hear them, i promise. 5) Define "better point".