... and which one are you suggesting is worse?

What makes real poly people look bad is when they pretend they can be monogamous then spring that poly shit five years into a marriage.

#67 that is not true at all. I have two friends who are married that have always been poly. so STFU #65 Polgamy is illegal

#67 you clearly know nothing about polyamory and I suggest you educate yourself

way to base your sense of morality on what is and isn't legal. :/

What exactly is 67 saying that isnt true ?!? All they said was that it makes poly people look bad when people like OP's husband pretend to be monogamists and 5 years into a relationship declare they are poly

LittleMel, I guess that went right over your head. I'm talking about deception. Two people get married. One person is monogamous. The other is poly but pretends to be monogamous and then wants to be poly again. See it now? If you're both openly poly heading into the marriage, that's something entirely different.

I don't think the suggestion is that "illegal == immoral" so much as other people seem to think it as such, and as such polyamorous people look bad when people who do think morality and legality are the same confuse it with polygamy. Less confusingly, it's less about what we think and more about how we are perceived.

Mel, you do a wonderful job of making yourself look bad. You dont need help there, nor could anyone make you look any worse.

uh yeah, i realize polygamy is illegal. i'm just saying i don't understand why you think people confusing your polyamorous lifestyle with a polygamous lifestyle would make you "look bad." as if one thing is OH GOD SO MUCH WORSE than the other, (even though they're both more or less the same thing), simply because it happens to be illegal.

well, good luck with that mindset. if everyone simply accepted the laws as "right" and anything illegal as "wrong," we'd still have slaves, women wouldn't be able to vote, blacks and whites would be attending different schools, etc. but yeah, i'm sure politicians love you.

I'm not even sure where to begin to pick this one apart.... I guess I'll have to go sentence by sentence. "either way, polygamy or polyarmy is WRONG." Firstly, it's polyamory. We're not building up a bunch of armed forces! Secondly, thank you for your opinion, but I would have to respectfully disagree. "it is illegal, and i along with most of our country's population have been taught to believe that when something is illegal, it is immoral." Oh dear.... Firstly, it may be illegal in the US, but it's not illegal everywhere. What makes our country's system of laws better than another for discerning morals? Even bigger, once upon a time it was illegal to help a slave escape. Once upon a time it was illegal for women to vote. Once upon a time it was illegal to possess or drink alcohol. Once upon a time it was illegal to be homosexual. To suggest that any of these things were immoral because they were illegal is ridiculous! Further, in the first case, I'd say that it would be immoral not to, if given the opportunity! Also, what happens when laws change? Does something switch from being moral to immoral or vice versa the day a new law comes into effect or an old one is repealed? That sounds silly. "It's not that hard to understand, but clearly some people are having trouble grasping the concept." You're right about that! You are certainly having some trouble grasping the concept! "You don't have to be a Mormon expert or study polygamy to believe or know that it is wrong." Of course you don't. It would be silly to require you study polygamy to know a falsehood.

The law, at its absolute best, will only be mostly concurrent with the interests of justice. Never mind morality, with its concern with right and wrong. The law can only give faint echo to the demands of morality.

Polygamy and the practice of Polygamy has been around for thousands of years. Ancient Greeks practiced it as did the Romans (The civilization that American Democracy is based on). Furthermore the morality argument does not work either as most people (this is a generalization without a doubt) base their idea or morality on religion; countless "characters" for lack of a better word in the Old Testament had multiple wives which means that it was once a perfectly acceptable practice. I do not happen to think Polygamy is a great thing for a few reasons. A lot of polygamist are Mormons who take multiple wives, I do not have a problem with that in general. The problem is the way it is practiced far too often with very young and sometimes underage girls. I believe that if America was truly free they woulf allow Polygamy, and Gay marriage. It would simply need to be regulated like every other law is through the proper legal channels (primarily to prevent underage people from being taken advantage of and forced into something they truly do not want. Also the previous comments on Illegal=Immoral pretty much cover everything, but personally I smoke Marijuana from time to time and I do not find it in any way to be immoral behavior. It is a preference for me as I am a Diabetic and Drinking is not an option. Also before my diagnosis I was a drinker and I personally find my behavior more negatively effected by alcohol than weed. The government has been wrong before, they have some things wrong now and will continue to make mistakes in the future. It is not their resposibility to dictate morality to their supposed "Free Citizens". FYL for buying into all the bullshit you are fed. I like your passion though, just think you have it wrong.

I hope you realize that Mormons don't practice polygamy..

oh, so some laws were wrong back then, but now they're all completely moral, hm? it sure is a good thing we all know to learn from the past, isn't it? alright then.

Gay marriage is still illegal in most states, so I have no trouble believing something else that isn't immoral being illegal. Besides, at what point in history do you say that we finally got morality correct? By which I mean, we can say "they amended US law to abolish slavery", but at that point in time we couldn't say that legality and morality were equal because civil rights still had a long way to go. The nineteenth amendment to the US constitution amended the laws to allow equal rights across the sexes, but we couldn't saw that legality and morality were the same, because we didn't have racial equality. US law eventually amended to fix this, but we couldn't say that legality and morality were the same, because we still abridge rights for queer people. Let's assume that we finally get full queer rights, though, but polygamy is still illegal. Why should we say that this point in time is the one in which legality and morality are finally the same, when our history shows that this is simply not truth at all?

What is the reason for polygamy to be illegal? The only reason you've given for it to be illegal is simply that it is illegal already. Or that you believe it to be immoral... but earlier you claimed that you were taught to believe that anything illegal is immoral. You're making a really circular argument here. i believe this is just another "personal choice" kind of thing outlawed by our government for no real substantial reason. and yes, my arguments are defensive because your original statement was offensive. it's a natural reaction. also: i never claimed to know about the practice of polygamy, did i? because i admit, i'm not exactly a "Mormon expert." but it's not like i'd have to go the library to know that not all laws are correct, and that we as a people should fight for as much personal freedom as we can. what facts would you like to know, sweetheart? what facts have you given me? and my sarcasm comes naturally, it's not something i really have to work on.

Why draw the line at "gay marriage is okay but polygamy is not"? It's rather arbitrary to allow one group their preference and then disallow another. More importantly, if two people are in love, they should be allowed to be united, right? Okay, let's say A and B are in love. A and B equal two people and, as such, they should be allowed to be united. Now, let's say A and C are in love. A and C equal two people, even if A is already married to B, so A and C should be allowed to be united. Suddenly, we have polygamy. What's the problem with that? And, this one's bugging me a lot, but why is it that just because you prefer to only have one intimate relationship at a time, I shouldn't be allowed to have more than one if you're not involved? Why is it okay for people to 'go running around having "intimate relationships" with whomever they please' as long as 'whomever they please' is only one person at a time, but if 'whomever they please' is two people at a time, WHOA NELLY?

zargon... your comments are a pleasure to read. well-formed arguments, no nasty ad hominem attacks, good questions, etc. but the girl's 14. i really don't think she's going to change her views, no matter how you try to explain the situation to her. at that age, it really is hard to see past yourself and your own family/community values. she agrees with same sex marriage because that's popular with kids her age nowadays. she doesn't agree with polygamy because that's NOT popular, and just ew! but considering she seems to be an otherwise intelligent individual, i trust with age she'll mature, (unlike a lot of other people on this site without the excuse of being very young).

Thanks for the compliments! While I agree that I probably won't change many minds of any age over the internet, I can at least make the attempt. And, even if I fail, I will give these people something to consider. Especially with someone so young, it's possible that the things I say will stick with her as she does mature. She's already used to hearing the other side, so giving her both sides to consider as she matures means that, whatever she eventually believes, either way, it's at least a more informed belief. It's disheartening to consider people who do actually understand polyamory and disagree with our right to be polyamorous, but it breaks my heart even more to consider that most people have only heard "poly bad" and thus disagree because everyone else says so rather than because that's what they truly and honestly believe. Besides, it's also possible *I* will learn something new from this. I don't mean that I'll suddenly stop being poly or something silly like that, but I do mean that it would be nice to understand people's reservations about polyamory more. Both for self-enrichment and for greater ability to discuss these issues with people in the future. Of course, there is also the possibility that maybe, just maybe, I will get through to her. I can't give up on that thought. :P I don't know a lot about her except what she's posted, so it's also possible that she is more mature than most 14-year-olds I know. Either way, I think it's the perfect time to start questioning whether family/community values are correct. I started questioning my family's values around that time. Some of them I ended up agreeing with, some of them I disagreed with, some of them I'm still questioning, but I think I'm certainly a better person for having done so. If I can help spark this questioning in someone else, I can consider that a good deed, too! On top of all of this, I also can't discount the fact that discussing things I care about over the internet can be a lot of fun, even if it is with people who could never agree with me. At any rate, my point is, I appreciate you pointing out things that should always be remembered when discussing/debating/arguing over the internet, but I do have many reasons for continuing that I consider good! Also, if it weren't for these discussions, I wouldn't have run across you, or at least not in the same way, and I honestly have to say that I'm glad I did. I am starting to wish FML had a PM feature, though >.>

@cuppycakes56 Since when was it ANY of your business what people do behind closed doors? If people want to have intimate relationships outside of their own relationship then whatever. That's fine. It's not hurting me or anyone I know directly. Polygamy and/or polyamory may not be my cup of tea, but at least I'm clear minded enough to know what is and what isn't my business. And if you were brought up correctly, you would know that peoples' private sex lives are none of your concern.