By AlwaysTired - 14/09/2016 14:57 - United States

Today, marks the third time this month my parents came to visit. I moved 5 hours away to get away from them. FML
I agree, your life sucks 13 159
You deserved it 1 536

Same thing different taste

Top comments

It's the 14th, which means OP's parents have visited three times in two weeks. That's ridiculous, especially since they live 5 hours away. It's totally reasonable that OP is burnt out and irritated. OP, you need some boundaries. Establish how often you feel comfortable with them visiting, tell them and stick to it.

That actually blows, I feel you dude. Even worse is when they whine about you never coming to visit. Lately I've just had to use the "too much work/schoolwork" excuse. Good luck to ya, sorry to hear

Comments

aw OP, they miss you so much..that's kind of sweet but I understand it can be annoying..talk with them about setting some dates for visits, let them know you need your personal space, although you're thankful they care, encourage them to take up new activities together (just the two of them) other than visiting their daughter ;) suggesting them to go on a vacation, or sightseeing a city they've never been and having new things to tell you about. Hope it all works out for you, God bless OP

She moved AWAY FROM THEM. Which means she doesn't like them and doesn't want them to care for her or visit her. It's not sweet. It's harassment at this point. They could just "care" this much because they can't release their hold on her. Some people will go to the ends of the earth to control someone and cause them suffering. This could be her parents. We don't know.

Set specific times for you meeting them (either at their or your place), for example every first weekend of the month or some other interval that is at least acceptable for them AND you. Maybe knowing in advance when they will see you next will make them less persistent with visiting you.

Must be nice that they have unlimited time and funds to keep visiting you. /s Have you tried talking with them? Letting them know that you need your space? I agree that if they call to say they're coming, you should let them know you're busy and can't see them. If they show up, the same is true. You are busy and don't have time for them.

Don't be a bitch, there your parents and the only reason they're their is to make sure your settling in okay

I'm going to assume you don't want to see your parents that often. I feel you, my mom and I have VERY different ideas of what "often" means - she wants to see me every week, I would prefer every few months. She's not a bad person, just quite annoying, and I'm the solitary type. Also, she turns me into a sullen 13yo, and nobody likes that. So, solutions! First of all, tell them you don't want to see them that much. Yay, communication! Depending on whether your parents are toxic or just clueless like my mom, this might be enough. With toxic people you need things in writing, as they then can't pretend you never said such things. Do they make plans with you? Be very busy, and hope they respect it. Do they drop by unannounced? Let them know in writing that it's not okay, and then just pretend you're not there if they do come by. If they see you, open the door, say "Oh, I was just leaving. You should have called, I could have told you I don't have time", and then actually leave. Just take a drive around the block or something. Do they have a key? Confiscate it, or change your locks. Maybe both. Again, toxic vs clueless. Remember, if you wouldn't tolerate the behaviour from a friend, then you shouldn't tolerate it from family. But if you want to keep a relationship, compromising may be necessary.

Tell them you are going on vacation. Dont tell them how long. Then a work trip. Then youre in charge of some big project at work (thats what the trip was for of course). Then the big project fell through for reasons you cant really say but you have to pull overtime to make up the loss in revenue. Then another vacation as "thanks" for helping out so much. Basically never be "home" or "free". Theyll stop trying soon enough.

I know that pain. My in-laws live like a house down so they're like 10 feet away. When my husband is in home, ever other week due to his job, they want to see him every day he is home which is for a week. It's killing our marriage and changing him into a different man then what he was when we were living 4 hours away. Before anyone tells me to communicate about, I have multiple times to each party. Nothing has happened or changed because no one cares about me. OP, this may be different because these are you folks, just talk to them about this. I don't know if you recently moved out, but they could be having that quiet nest issue I've heard parents talk about when the kids move away.

25: Seems like it's time for you to make a change then.

My boyfriends mom does that too. She'll even drive the 3.5hrs here and back in the same day because he has a damn dr appt and she wants to make sure he gets there -.-

Five hours? Pshaw, that's child's play for helicopter parents! To spent a day driving to spend moments with their precious child is so worth it!

Please never take your parents for granted some people Don't have the luxury! I promise you will Look back one day and wish you spent more time with them...especially if they care enough to go out of their way

Just because this is how you feel, doesn't mean it's how everyone feels. Some parents just aren't great people, so their kids just don't want to be around them. Parents going out of their way doesn't necessarily mean they care either, it can be a way of maintaining control and manipulation. Kids are allowed to set boundaries and rules with their parents, that's not taking for granted, it's being independent and establishing yourself. I'm sorry, but kids grow up and get their own priorities that don't revolve around their parental family unit anymore. They're making their own family and life now, that's the way it works, and parents need to accept that and give them space to do so.

Tsumetai_ 11

Sure, the OP parents may care enough about her enough to visit but it could be to criticize all their life choices, nag and be passively aggressive and borderline abusive whenever they visit. Or perhaps they bother her about settling down and popping out grandkids. You don't know the reasons why OP wants to be away from their parents, not everyone has a great relationship with their parents.