They have a right to express opinions differing, but at the same time it is still up to the girlfriend and OP to make a final decision. It depends what OP and the girlfriend are doing with their lives and how long the two have known each other, for me to take the mother's side even slightly. The finally seems to suggest that the two have been thinking about for awhile. If the two don't have their lives in some semblance of order, like knowing what they're doing with the rest of their lives or at least having a goal for what each wants to do with their life, then I can see more why the mother was so upset. Of course not matter what, you really should avoid insulting your children, especially calling one a ****. No matter how old you are, hearing a parent say something like stings a hell of a lot.

If her parents are still supporting her at 21, she needs to get on her own 2 feet and be an adult before trying to make adult decisions. I never asked for permission to move in with my boyfriend (now husband :)) at 21, but then again I was out in my own paying my own bills with my own money.

I don't agree that the mother should have a right to oppose this! Especially if op's girlfriend is financially independent or will be with op. Although most people are probably not mature enough for a lifelong relationship at 21,there are those that are. My Aunty was engaged at 16 married at 17 and had my first cousin at 18. They have been happily married since then, have three children, all of whom they gave a stable home and put through university. Age should not be a limiter (unless it is something truly ridiculous like 9!). Even if op's girlfriend isn't ready for this and the relationship doesn't work, children should be aloud to go out into the world and make their own mistakes. The only thing the mother is achieving by opposing this is making herself more distant from op's girlfriend. After all at 21 there is nothing the mother can do to prevent this.

"From that point on, there are essentially only two options: either things work out, eventually leading to marriage, or they go wrong, and you realize you've made a big mistake ..." Jup, jup. And isn't this the case with every relationship? Things work out, not necessarily leading to marriage, or they go wrong - sometimes (often!) even in a marriage - and you realize you've learned from it and gained some more experience in the matter. I truly can't see what's wrong about that. That's how life and relationships works. You can't protect your (grown-up) children from that, certainly not by being mean.

Not everyone goes to college. OP and his girlfriend could both have full time jobs and be perfectly capable of supporting themselves by splitting rent and utility bills.

I don't see why you have to either get married to or end up 'realizing that you've made a big mistake".

I agree with most of the replies to my original comment. I agree that there is value in learning from one's own mistakes. However, sometimes such lessons can be very harsh, and the role of the parents is to advise their children to try to prevent them from makins such mistakes. For instance, a possible scenario here is that the girls is not financially independent, but she moves in with the guy, who supports her. Things go well for, say, 6 years, but then they guy breaks up or divorces her, and she's left single, heartbroken, and with glum job prospects since she's never worked the past 6 years ... On the other hand, if the girl is financially independent, then the parents cannot stop her from doing what she wants. Even if she isn't financially independent, the parents cannot *force* her to do what they want, but they can cut her off if she moves out (for her own good); that's how I would think if I was the parent in question.

That is a risk for any housewife of any age but she could simply be working part time or saving up money or be a recent Grad even if she has no intention of supporting herself then how is she gonna be any better off later then she is now?

Because she's afraid to tell her mother she WANTS to move in with him. Not that she's going to move in with him. Implying that she still needs/wants the approval to do so.

#54 again correct. I know MANY couples who didn't live together until after their marriage and EVERY one is still together, whereas every couple that I know that got divorced moved in girst

My parents have been married 28 years and they lived together first hell there only 1 divorce in 6 marriages in my family and they all lived together first

Not counting my grandparents who are both over 50 years and didnt live together or my cousin who isn't at a year yet and did

maybe it was the girlfriend's idea to move in( read the fml) and maybe she isn't ready for marriage. this isn't really an unnatural step in a relationship. so if you could kindly calm your **** mam.

Marriage is only a contract you sign you know... I've been living with my boyfriend for over a year now, and I don't plan on getting married. Waste of time and money.

Marriage provides both parties with legal rights. 26, Your boyfriend could walk out on you with a new woman and you'd have no right to negotiate the splitting of your assets or debts. You'd just be stuck with whatever he left you with. Not saying that's likely to happen, but I know someone that's happened to. I see where 22 is coming from. Call me old fashioned, but generally I think it's better not to live together without being married. Statistically, a marriage in which the couple only lived together after they were married are less likely to end in divorce. I say this, though, as I lay next to my boyfriend in our bed, in our shared apartment. I got divorced from an adulterous and abusive husband last year, so I can understand people wanting to see if they can live with their boy/girlfriend before they get married, as I am in that boat myself.

*is less likely. Oops.

Theres more to marriage than a piece of paper and getting more money from joint tax filings. It's a commitment to eachother and it seems most of the world forgot that because marriage now just seems like the "next step"... some can do it with the ceremony, some people don't care for it. Either way, living with someone for a while gives you better insight as to who they are and if you really want to be with that person. In my opinion anyhoo.

I couldn't marry someone without living with them first. You see a very personal side to people that you wouldn't otherwise see living with someone. It's true of not only significant others, but roommates in general.

Wondering what age you expect people to move in together at. Moved out alone when I was 15/16, renter apartment with my boyfriend at 17/18 and now at 18 we're just about to buy an apartment. Been together for 4 years, my parents support it fully. *shrug*

Realize that you're in Norway; in the US, a 14 year old can't legally move out unless they go to court to be emancipated from their parents, and it's not that easy to do. Most 14 year olds here don't have the means to fully support themselves.

32 - Not 15. There will always be exceptions; some people are more mature and capable than others but the majority aren't. It's great that it's working for you but I wouldn't trust most 15 year olds to be that responsible. And tbh, you're still young. I really don't want to offend and wish you only the best with your relationship but you can't know what will happen in the future and you must know that there a lot of people who have what you have but find it doesn't work out. Hopefully you'll be an exception in that respect too. Either way, over here you're an adult at 18 and still most people I know live with their parents, for finance and age reasons. A lot of people even live in halls for uni and then move back in with their parents after. In America the legal age is 21 so it's likely even more unusual to move out young.

69, The legal age to DRINK in the US is 21. They raised the drinking age here in the states in the 70s (I think...maybe the 80s) because a disproportionate number of young people were getting killed due to irresponsible drinking. At 18, you can get a job, get a bank account, drive a car, get a credit card, have sex, move out of your parent's house, get an apartment, buy a house, smoke, vote, pay bills, join the military and die for your country...but you can't have a beer for another 3 years. Weird, huh?

actually you cant smoke in utah until 19. lame, huh?

76, The same is true in New Jersey. Age requirements are stupid. No one wakes up on their 18th or 19th birthday and says, "Hey, I think I'll start smoking because I'm old enough now.

Literally just drinking? I knew a lot of things are younger, heck, you guys can drive younger than you can over here, but I thought there were a few more things that were limited to over 21s. But either way, there's a big difference between 18/21 and like 15 when even the most mature of us are full of hormones and new experiences and learning (/making mistakes) all the time.