Kids: Today, my 3-year-old son discovered his testicles. When I asked...

FML for mobile
Free

By Anonymous - 12/03/2014 03:34 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my 3-year-old son discovered his testicles. When I asked him what they were, he replied, "They're my balls! They make my winkie happy!" Now he won't quit singing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 910

You deserved it 6 128

Father's Day: Daddy Chicken or Daddy Wet Hen?
Stories of extraordinary fathers, sometimes awkward but always hilarious. A family read! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Not now, Sweetie

By Redbeard - 24/01/2020 05:00

Today, while we had my husband's boss over, my 3-year-old son decided to burst into the living room naked and yell, "Mum, look! Penis!" and wiggle it around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 201

You deserved it 372

By todaddy - 23/05/2014 19:32 - United Kingdom

Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 229

You deserved it 4 778

By WOCOACH - 09/09/2009 19:33 - United States

Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 908

You deserved it 5 046

True

By Anonymous - 02/06/2019 16:09

Today, I found out that my 8-year-old daughter somehow learned how babies are made. Sort of. I found this out when we had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When one teacher asked where she was from, she replied, "My daddy's balls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 056

You deserved it 255

By anonymous - 28/07/2011 05:39 - United States

Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 447

You deserved it 16 966

Kids talk

By SerenityJ - 27/09/2013 20:00 - United States - Mountain View

Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 045

You deserved it 7 155

By BrandonDrapeau - 03/08/2015 02:57 - United States - Sparta

Today, I told my son about wet dreams, what they are and how they are normal. Afterwards, he exclaimed, "It's kinda like when I beat off, except I'm asleep! Awesome!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 686

You deserved it 3 602

By njh - 27/03/2015 13:29 - Ireland

Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 348

You deserved it 3 614

First amendment issue

By God please make it stop - 03/08/2023 22:00

Today, my four year-old son has reached the phase where yelling random words is funny. I can't go five minutes without hearing, "CHICKEN NUGGET!" or "KALAMAZOO!" or "STINKY SOCKS!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 554

You deserved it 278

Nutshot

By Blue Nut Records - 31/10/2023 18:00 - Switzerland - Delémont

Today, I managed to squeeze a testicle between my thigh and a drawer while doing the dishes. From the floor, writhing in pain, I watched my wife laughing hysterically while our two year-old ran up to jump on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 92

TheGreatAlexande 12

Wednesday 12 March 2014 10:40

They grow up so fast. :']

jtthegr8 26

Wednesday 12 March 2014 10:42

Not too long now before you catch him yanking his doodle. Hopefully he doesn't sing about that one.

Comments

iMadness 6

Thursday 13 March 2014 2:05

Watch him start singing "Yankee Doodle Dandy"

akballerchicity 11

Thursday 13 March 2014 4:19

Smack him in the back if his head and make him stop. American parents are way too soft.

KimchiKim 9

Thursday 13 March 2014 4:19

Well there's a story to tell at his wedding...

JD1147 27

Thursday 13 March 2014 5:18

I never knew there was a song to go with ball discovery. Feel like I've missed out on something.

NoLifeMo11 7

Thursday 13 March 2014 5:52

Why would you ask them what they are?

Mommys_losingit 2

Thursday 13 March 2014 6:52

Obviously to see what silly comment he comes up with

ResaBrad 4

Thursday 13 March 2014 8:35

Am I the only one wondering why a 3 year knows that information?..

JD1147 27

Thursday 13 March 2014 13:28

Yes

rybaby23 8

Thursday 13 March 2014 23:29

Lmao sorry OP I have a nephew that said something similar. I couldn't help but laugh til I cried haha kids can say some funny stuff.

TheMystery13 13

Thursday 13 March 2014 23:56

Look up Steve Vai - When I Was A Little Boy. Trust me.

dstluke 7

Friday 14 March 2014 6:44

Trust me, they never stop singing it no matter how old they get.

protoskore 27

Friday 14 March 2014 7:10

your fault for bringing it up

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Gross Food ACAB Family Cops Love Technology Miscellaneous Embarrassing Geek My ex Cheating Pregnancy Public freakouts AITA Customers Work Plumbing Money Awkward Healthy Lifestyle Sex Relatable Kids Parenting Relationship advice Argument Animals Dogs Poopoo peepee

The Top

Today, I spent a good deal of my afternoon preparing a nice dinner for my girlfriend. When I finally served the meal, I proudly presented her with a beautifully arranged plate of salmon. She looked at it and said, “You know I’m allergic to fish, right?” We had cereal for dinner instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 729

Today, I saw a really cute guy in the grocery store. We made eye contact a few times and I was trying to work up the nerve to start a conversation. Instead, he screamed, "Yes, I know I’m fat, bitch. You don’t have to stare!” I got so many dirty looks I left immediately. I didn’t think he was fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 484

You deserved it 135

The Top

Today, my friend accused me of lying about being gay. Why? I happen to ship some m/f couples in the works of fiction I follow. According to her, gay people are inherently opposed to anything heterosexual, and therefore it shouldn't be possible that I like those ships. The kicker? She herself is straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 120

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me and called me a "cold, unfeeling bitch" because I wasn't "sad enough" over someone's death. Who died? A fictional character in the Dungeons And Dragons podcast we listen to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 957

You deserved it 105

Today, I found out the reason why my car has smelled so bad for the past two weeks. It turns out when my sister was bringing in groceries from my car she forgot to grab the raw chicken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 723

You deserved it 3 443

Today, I asked a girl that I've been talking to for a couple of weeks out, but immediately got rejected because I'm left handed. I guess I'll leave that part out next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 761

You deserved it 839

Today, a classmate found out I have a boyfriend. He said, "Really? YOU??" FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 957

You deserved it 1 829

Today, my friend and I were driving to Florida from Michigan. While going through Ohio my car hydroplaned over a puddle on the highway. I ended up hitting the median and my car got wrecked. Not only am I stuck in Ohio with a car that won't work, I got a ticket for $300 for hitting Ohio property. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 581

You deserved it 6 533