Kids: Today, my 3-year-old son discovered his testicles. When I asked...

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By Anonymous - 12/03/2014 03:34 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my 3-year-old son discovered his testicles. When I asked him what they were, he replied, "They're my balls! They make my winkie happy!" Now he won't quit singing it. FML

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You deserved it 6 128

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Today, while we had my husband's boss over, my 3-year-old son decided to burst into the living room naked and yell, "Mum, look! Penis!" and wiggle it around. FML

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By todaddy - 23/05/2014 19:32 - United Kingdom

Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML

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By WOCOACH - 09/09/2009 19:33 - United States

Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML

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True

By Anonymous - 02/06/2019 16:09

Today, I found out that my 8-year-old daughter somehow learned how babies are made. Sort of. I found this out when we had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When one teacher asked where she was from, she replied, "My daddy's balls." FML

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By anonymous - 28/07/2011 05:39 - United States

Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML

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By SerenityJ - 27/09/2013 20:00 - United States - Mountain View

Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML

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By BrandonDrapeau - 03/08/2015 02:57 - United States - Sparta

Today, I told my son about wet dreams, what they are and how they are normal. Afterwards, he exclaimed, "It's kinda like when I beat off, except I'm asleep! Awesome!" FML

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By njh - 27/03/2015 13:29 - Ireland

Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML

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You deserved it 3 614

First amendment issue

By God please make it stop - 03/08/2023 22:00

Today, my four year-old son has reached the phase where yelling random words is funny. I can't go five minutes without hearing, "CHICKEN NUGGET!" or "KALAMAZOO!" or "STINKY SOCKS!" FML

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You deserved it 278

Nutshot

By Blue Nut Records - 31/10/2023 18:00 - Switzerland - Delémont

Today, I managed to squeeze a testicle between my thigh and a drawer while doing the dishes. From the floor, writhing in pain, I watched my wife laughing hysterically while our two year-old ran up to jump on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 92

TheGreatAlexande 12

Wednesday 12 March 2014 10:40

They grow up so fast. :']

jtthegr8 26

Wednesday 12 March 2014 10:42

Not too long now before you catch him yanking his doodle. Hopefully he doesn't sing about that one.

Comments

EbyKat 16

Wednesday 12 March 2014 14:28

It took him three year? Slow learner. My sisters son has been reaching for his to squeeze them in a death grip anytime they changed his diaper since he was eight months old. Then he would cry because he hurt himself. There is no dignity in rearing children. Only poop vomit and genitals.

tochiotome 14

Wednesday 12 March 2014 14:53

This story made my day. Thank you.

mikbrooke 25

Thursday 13 March 2014 1:14

i think its a bit harsh to call him a slow learner.. kids progress differently and at different times.

MiataHarley07 6

Wednesday 12 March 2014 15:23

Winkie? Really? Teach your son proper terminology. It's called a penis, and you can tell him that testicles are called testicles. Hearing cutsey names for kids' genitals make my skin crawl.

pl0xs3rver 45

Wednesday 12 March 2014 17:45

If he was 30, yeah, the terminology would probably make anybody's skin crawl, but he's 3...

MiataHarley07 6

Wednesday 12 March 2014 15:25

Now that I see that is referencing a song, I still stand.by what I said; dont teach your kid cutsey names for their genitals.

Huddisher 10

Wednesday 12 March 2014 15:43

If he figured out that his balls made his winkie happy, good luck with stiff laundry.

FucYoCouch 13

Thursday 13 March 2014 0:20

He's three, not fourteen.

Luluthus 41

Wednesday 12 March 2014 16:13

I would say the fascination with his "balls and happy winkie" is a faze, except it's not.

ahh_rats 15

Wednesday 12 March 2014 16:55

Lol I remember those days :)

CrazyMelvin 14

Wednesday 12 March 2014 17:44

Kids say the darndest things

TheCrispyCat 20

Wednesday 12 March 2014 17:57

That's hilarious!

threer 30

Thursday 13 March 2014 0:33

Yay! I say winkie, too. Then again, he's 3..

ThePez828 18

Thursday 13 March 2014 0:44

I love this fml haha. Sorry OP! I really wanted a boy but had a girl. Things like this make me a little more glad for my baby girl! I dread the teens though!