Kids: Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I... - FML

By njh - 27/03/2015 13:29 - Ireland

Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 342

You deserved it 3 612

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By CiaoBella - 20/06/2016 03:16

Today, my son said his first word, which was, "Fuck". He got it from my great aunt, who my wife was skeptical of our son meeting because she "says too many bad words". Sorry, Honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 520

You deserved it 2 764

By Anonymous - 18/04/2014 22:35 - Canada - Concord

Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 381

You deserved it 4 861

By Anonymous - 01/05/2015 20:41 - United Kingdom - Oundle

Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 382

You deserved it 3 651

In the doghouse

By Anonymous - 14/10/2024 16:00

Today, my toddler started running around the house yelling, "Daddy said a bad word!" over and over again. I don't even know what I allegedly said, but now my wife is giving me the "we need to talk" look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 90

By Anonymous - 31/07/2014 16:24 - United States - Dallas

Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself that he's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 246

You deserved it 7 769

By paparoach - 21/12/2014 07:59 - United States - Kapolei

Today, I was at an outdoors Christmas party and I jokingly complained that my son says 'mama' way more than he says 'dada'. One of my students was at the party and watched him for a couple of hours. He taught him to say 'dada' every time he sees a bug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 555

You deserved it 4 910

By Anonymous - 17/09/2014 21:57 - United States - Dewitt

Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 560

You deserved it 4 699

Rude boy

By Anonymous - 08/02/2015 19:16

Today, while shopping with my 6-year-old daughter, she said, "Mommy, remember you wanna get duck tape!" A middle-aged guy nearby scoffed and told her, "DUCT, not DUCK. Dumb cunt." I ended up having to drive my bawling daughter home, with no shopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 616

You deserved it 3 763

Parroting

By Anonymous - 06/07/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, my toddler repeated a very inappropriate word I'd said when I'd stubbed my toe. He chose to do this in the middle of a crowded supermarket, loudly, and repeatedly. Now the whole town probably thinks I have questionable parenting skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 359

You deserved it 207

By poormom - 27/06/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, I told to my son that I'm pregnant. After I'd told him, he looked up and yelled, "Fuck this shit!" and walked out of the room. My son is nine years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 110

You deserved it 28 918

Next

Top comments

jeff_boles 12

Friday 27 March 2015 19:21

When I was a kid I said **** and duck all the time cause they rhymed and I thought I invented a new word.But maybe your son just likes to curse like a sailor!

amberr_harperr 15

Friday 27 March 2015 19:18

kids. they say the darnedest things

Comments

zachb20 15

Friday 27 March 2015 19:18

Obviously when you were having sex

WavRace 14

Friday 27 March 2015 19:21

Is that kind of dirty talk normal to you?

Pandacupcakelove 26

Friday 27 March 2015 19:27

"Ah yes! YES! **** A DUCK, DADDY!" Probably.

ironmany_fml 23

Friday 27 March 2015 22:52

who says "**** a duck daddy" while having sex. O.o

howard007 18

Friday 27 March 2015 23:45

Op appearently

amberr_harperr 15

Friday 27 March 2015 19:18

kids. they say the darnedest things

IndicaPaincakes 28

Friday 27 March 2015 19:25

And are brutally honest at that!

vikky538 28

Friday 27 March 2015 20:23

I was waiting for this comment...

Nordrag 26

Friday 27 March 2015 23:23

you didn't have to wait very long.

TeasinDaNoobs 16

Friday 27 March 2015 19:19

Maybe now's the time to tell him something aren't nice to say?

drea_1227 6

Friday 27 March 2015 19:19

Probably from Duck Dynasty...

Carnaxa 8

Friday 27 March 2015 19:20

Adult version Daffy Duck

jeff_boles 12

Friday 27 March 2015 19:21

When I was a kid I said **** and duck all the time cause they rhymed and I thought I invented a new word.But maybe your son just likes to curse like a sailor!

lexa1love 16

Friday 27 March 2015 19:36

See I was thinking maybe they thought they heard that, but heard what the ****. Kids will often say what they think adults say.

KuronoEru 26

Friday 27 March 2015 19:21

Probably from a duck? Lol But on a serious note, kids learn things very fast so no surprise there..

Jason89 16

Friday 27 March 2015 19:23

how exactly does one **** a duck? hmm

prettyReckless96 10

Friday 27 March 2015 19:26

Maybe ask a duck

kerstileann 26

Friday 27 March 2015 23:09

right in the pussy thats how

feven 32

Friday 27 March 2015 19:23

Irish kid swearing. No surprise there haha

Cloco98 21

Friday 27 March 2015 19:53

It's not like it's ok in Ireland for children to swear.

feven 32

Friday 27 March 2015 20:42

Sorry I didn't know

dizzyspanks 7

Friday 27 March 2015 19:24

probably from lil Wayne

Smooth_Criminal 24

Saturday 28 March 2015 1:57

No... Lil' Wayne's word is "nigga"

tessifer17 5

Friday 27 March 2015 19:25

Maybe he heard the song **** a dog by blink182 and thought it said **** a duck

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 43 350

You deserved it 8 250

Today, I’ve been getting a lot of strange messages from guys on the dating site I use, then I realised why: on my profile pic I'm sat down and you can see my nice underwear up my skirt. That explains the messages, they thought I was trolling for men to hump and dump. FML

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 32 558

You deserved it 3 503

Today, an old man wanted to return a fryer. The box had blood smears all over it, so I told him no. He became irate and demanded a manager. Management said, "Hell no and don't touch that box." When I came back, he was licking a paper towel and attempting to wipe off the blood. FML

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You deserved it 1 104

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to have some alone time under the stars. Things were getting hot and heavy in my truck bed and clothes went everywhere. After getting dressed, I felt pain. Little did I know that I threw my underwear in an ant pile. I got bit down south, a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 804

You deserved it 3 870

Today, I was working from home and had an important meeting with my superiors. It was fine until my sleepy wife came in and asked if I could find a better time for calls. I didn't notice her right away and failed to disable my camera. She was fully naked, and I received an email about inappropriate behaviour later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 652

You deserved it 178

Today, I was having really bad diarrhea. I sat down on the toilet and heard a plop, thinking it was just me going to the bathroom. After I was finished, I look in the toilet to see my iPhone sitting in a pool of diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 034

You deserved it 24 547

Today, I asked a coworker what she'd bought her dad for father's day. She said that she got him some flowers, and I laughed because I thought it was a rather feminine gift for a man. I later found out that the flowers were for his grave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 476

You deserved it 55 168