Love: Today, my boyfriend admitted that the only reason he remembers... - FML

By poopcoloredeyes - 31/10/2011 20:06 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend admitted that the only reason he remembers my eye color is because it's the same shade of his shit after he's had a salad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 209

You deserved it 3 692

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Same thing different taste

Woof

By Anonymous - 03/04/2009 14:37 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend and he brushed my hair out of my eyes. Then he smiled and said, "Your eyes are two different colors right now. One's blue, one's green…" I was so happy he still noticed the little things. Then he finished his sentence with, "…ya know, like a dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 997

You deserved it 5 864

By shitty situation - 28/01/2013 23:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend came over for a family brunch, during which he told my mother, in vivid detail, how he gets the shits whenever he eats kale chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 000

You deserved it 2 994

By Anonymous - 09/12/2013 22:41 - United States - Lihue

Today, my boyfriend told me I'm beautiful. Before I could thank him, he continued, "Too bad it takes a shit-load of makeup." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 785

You deserved it 7 722

Thanks

By lucy_g - 02/11/2013 05:06 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend, feeling pretty low. I said something along the lines of, "You like me even when I look like shit." He replied, "Ah, that's just how you naturally look." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 149

You deserved it 7 307

By pubemilkshake - 08/12/2014 02:12 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my boyfriend made me a milkshake. It was pale yellow with some black spots. He told me it was banana and poppy seed. After drinking it, he told me they weren't poppy seeds. They were his pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 843

You deserved it 4 917

Not a biology major

By Anonymous - 27/10/2019 04:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend ate glitter. When I asked him why he would do such an insane thing, he replied, "I wanted my jizz to sparkle." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 678

You deserved it 281

By Anonymous - 22/05/2019 22:00

Today, my boyfriend admitted to me that the picture of "him as a baby" is really his son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 197

You deserved it 171

Well Played

By redhead - 06/07/2017 22:30 - United States - Lima

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years is dating another girl. Not only do she and I share the same hair and eye color, but we also happen to have the same first name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 416

You deserved it 429

By Noname - 16/01/2009 20:43 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 640

You deserved it 6 665

Smooth talker

By Kate - 07/03/2009 18:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were out to eat. The waiter came and asked what we wanted. My boyfriend said he wanted a cheeseburger and I told the waiter I'd have the same. My boyfriend looked at me and said, "Are you sure you don't want a salad?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 764

You deserved it 8 263

Next

Top comments

SexyHindu 2

Monday 31 October 2011 21:57

What the hell does he put in his salad?

ShakeMeDown 12

Monday 31 October 2011 22:00

Eyes.

Comments

boner_till_icoll 0

Tuesday 1 November 2011 0:20

thats so romantic :)

juwood 7

Tuesday 1 November 2011 0:25

Hahaha you two are made for each other

Poetaster 10

Tuesday 1 November 2011 0:39

Way to go for choosing the low hanging fruit on the bf tree. You could have done better picking a boyfriend by just throwing a rock in a crowded room and dating who it struck.

ArielTheMermaid 17

Tuesday 1 November 2011 0:49

Wow.....how to respond......

Calyx_fml 21

Tuesday 1 November 2011 1:02

Beet salad.

haw008 14

Tuesday 1 November 2011 1:03

That's.... Bittersweet

YouLoveThisDick 0

Tuesday 1 November 2011 1:13

that is so sad

fadingfaith 4

Tuesday 1 November 2011 1:17

I guess you have pretty shitty looking eyes.

NPN_Scorpio 16

Tuesday 1 November 2011 1:20

"Looking in your big brown eyes" /Bob Marley

eurekaroy 6

Tuesday 1 November 2011 1:30

Every woman needs a man like him.

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The Top

Today, I took my friend to the E.R. for an eye infection. While waiting, I proclaimed, "Why, Jesus?!" jokingly. Well, the gigantic biker sitting next to me, who had found religion in prison and is a born again Christian, was not pleased. He spent the next four hours trying to convert me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 568

You deserved it 19 251

Today, my boss sent me a message about a project, via WhatsApp. It's my day off, so I figured it could wait till I was able to give a flying fuck. Literally a minute later, he was spamming me, demanding to know why I'd left him as read and reminding me that he has firing powers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 351

You deserved it 1 619

The Top

Today, I realised why my room has been smelling like berries and why sex has been so uncomfortable recently. Apparently boyfriend doesn't know the difference between hair conditioner and lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 772

You deserved it 438

Today, while I was walking along the sidewalk, someone passed by and said, "Tuck that nose in." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 744

You deserved it 160

Today, my daughter was stung by a bark scorpion, requiring a visit to the ER. Luckily, we were seen quickly. Unfortunately, due to a new policy, the medicine used to treat the sting is not available for children as it "might" cause low blood pressure. Awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 071

You deserved it 242

Today, I have a permanently injured right hand. Social media star Real86Hands has no hands. Guess which one of us has better penmanship? FML

I agree, your life sucks 204

You deserved it 482

Today, for the first time in a week, a customer entered my store. He needed to use the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 490

You deserved it 2 375

Today, I was taking a patient's blood pressure, and listening for his pulse with my stethoscope. I couldn't hear anything, so I adjusted the cuff and tried again. Still no pulse. He pointed out that my stethoscope was the wrong way around and sneered, "You been smokin' the reefer, boy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 356

You deserved it 36 355