Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I...

By flavored - 18/11/2013 15:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 212

You deserved it 19 457

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Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Choking hazard

By notsexy - 09/05/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 092

You deserved it 83 406

Sexy time

By Anonymous - 30/07/2009 09:23 - United States

Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 512

You deserved it 59 433

By welted - 01/01/2010 05:21 - Canada

Today, my fiancé and I decided to engage in some erotic food play. She covered every region of my body, including my genitals, with strawberry sauce. Today also happens to be the day that I found out I'm allergic to strawberries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 222

You deserved it 4 237

Seduction technique

By BlueBirdWings - 06/03/2012 07:20 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. He held a Kool Fruit in his teeth, and motioned for me to kiss him, so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do this, I inhaled. He then had to watch me dry retching, trying to get it back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 788

You deserved it 6 803

My love language is…

By BlueBirdWings - 31/05/2019 02:30

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. Trying to be suave, he put a Kool-Fruit between his teeth and motioned for me to kiss him so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do so, I inhaled, swallowing it. He then had to watch me dry-retching as I tried to get it back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 495

You deserved it 320

By katie - 23/08/2019 06:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 778

You deserved it 3 941

Mood ruiner

By Skittles - 13/08/2017 20:00

Today, while my husband and I were having sex, we were trying this strawberry flavored lube which had a very strong candy smell. My husband starts laughing mid-performance, looks me in the eye, and exclaims "F*CK THE RAINBOW, TASTE THE RAINBOW!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 844

You deserved it 1 300

By Anonymous - 14/02/2011 17:15 - Belgium

Today, I found out that the candy bracelet my sister gave me a few days ago was actually a candy cock ring she'd used on her boyfriend just a few hours prior. Apparently, she didn't like the taste. I however, did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 903

You deserved it 4 898

Work on your skills

By banana - 26/02/2009 03:01 - United States

Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 928

You deserved it 74 573

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 19:11 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 092

You deserved it 40 037

metallica_wins 20

Monday 18 November 2013 18:58

At least you'd make it on 1000 Ways To Die.

dantee2005 33

Monday 18 November 2013 18:58

Well, nothing for me to say "cockcicle" says it all

Comments

sugarbear0727 19

Monday 18 November 2013 19:37

Lmfao

vandeele 8

Monday 18 November 2013 19:37

Yuck...

Jam3zBond007 5

Tuesday 19 November 2013 4:37

Profile Picture.

The_Big_Boss 20

Monday 18 November 2013 19:51

Imagine bacon flavored condoms

arinmon 5

Saturday 15 March 2014 8:08

for guys?

ChibiChibi_fml 27

Monday 18 November 2013 20:03

Am I the only one who wants to know how you 1) Almost choke yourself and 2) how one can choke themselves half to death? How does one even know that they are actually half way to death. Plus even if the OP somehow stupidly sucked long enough and deep enough that she actually caused herself to pass out her boyfriend would have noticed and pulled himself out so that she could breathe again.

ChibiChibi_fml 27

Monday 18 November 2013 20:08

I could edit in time to add this but surely you can't "Almost choke half to death". I would think that you either choked enough to risk death or you didn't. This seems like the OP just went too deep a few times and set off the gag reflex.

Wolf87535 4

Monday 18 November 2013 20:10

jealous much?

GangstaPenguin 7

Monday 18 November 2013 20:32

Um, I'm pretty sure she was just using exaggeration, about the "halfway to death" thing. Or, maybe she can feel herself slipping away from lack of oxygen? Either way, asking how someone knows they're halfway to death is pointless.

Gemini_Wings 7

Monday 18 November 2013 20:07

Condoms are for ****** and sick people.

lux0rd 18

Monday 18 November 2013 20:12

Or normal people having safe sex...

ForbiddenDestiny 20

Monday 18 November 2013 20:13

My dad walked in on me and a friend both sucking on a flavoured condom each with a used pile infront of us because we wanted to know our favourite flavours before trying them on boys and finding that a specific flavour made us want to hurl and making the poor guy feel bad. My dad looked at us confused for a moment before telling is food was ready x