Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I...

By flavored - 18/11/2013 15:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 212

You deserved it 19 457

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Same thing different taste

Choking hazard

By notsexy - 09/05/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 092

You deserved it 83 406

Sexy time

By Anonymous - 30/07/2009 09:23 - United States

Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 512

You deserved it 59 433

By welted - 01/01/2010 05:21 - Canada

Today, my fiancé and I decided to engage in some erotic food play. She covered every region of my body, including my genitals, with strawberry sauce. Today also happens to be the day that I found out I'm allergic to strawberries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 222

You deserved it 4 237

Seduction technique

By BlueBirdWings - 06/03/2012 07:20 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. He held a Kool Fruit in his teeth, and motioned for me to kiss him, so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do this, I inhaled. He then had to watch me dry retching, trying to get it back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 788

You deserved it 6 803

My love language is…

By BlueBirdWings - 31/05/2019 02:30

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. Trying to be suave, he put a Kool-Fruit between his teeth and motioned for me to kiss him so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do so, I inhaled, swallowing it. He then had to watch me dry-retching as I tried to get it back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 495

You deserved it 320

By katie - 23/08/2019 06:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 778

You deserved it 3 941

Mood ruiner

By Skittles - 13/08/2017 20:00

Today, while my husband and I were having sex, we were trying this strawberry flavored lube which had a very strong candy smell. My husband starts laughing mid-performance, looks me in the eye, and exclaims "F*CK THE RAINBOW, TASTE THE RAINBOW!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 844

You deserved it 1 300

By Anonymous - 14/02/2011 17:15 - Belgium

Today, I found out that the candy bracelet my sister gave me a few days ago was actually a candy cock ring she'd used on her boyfriend just a few hours prior. Apparently, she didn't like the taste. I however, did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 903

You deserved it 4 898

Work on your skills

By banana - 26/02/2009 03:01 - United States

Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 928

You deserved it 74 573

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 19:11 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 092

You deserved it 40 037

metallica_wins 20

Monday 18 November 2013 18:58

At least you'd make it on 1000 Ways To Die.

dantee2005 33

Monday 18 November 2013 18:58

Well, nothing for me to say "cockcicle" says it all

Comments

Jeffy91 28

Tuesday 19 November 2013 6:26

Sounds like his dick is just too small to keep one on. lmao

Goblin182 26

Tuesday 19 November 2013 13:48

Or, he came and lost his erection.

Sophie_Hart 9

Tuesday 19 November 2013 15:05

Am I the only one who prefers the taste of penis more than flavoured condoms. Still taste like latex to me.

lonelyguy1995 5

Sunday 12 January 2014 16:02

The best thing I have read on the Internet today!

cappellaaa 23

Tuesday 19 November 2013 15:34

ew...

deaddonkey 15

Tuesday 19 November 2013 17:37

Instead of the flavored condoms you could try to flavored lube. Although then you might be here with an FML story about how you are pregnant.

villain1987 1

Tuesday 19 November 2013 19:17

Natural selection at work here people!

homerr123 15

Tuesday 19 November 2013 20:02

don't use condoms they are bad for health

MzZombicidal 36

Wednesday 20 November 2013 3:07

Get out.

gabagabaheyu 10

Wednesday 20 November 2013 5:00

Mmmm

TecheyTim 14

Wednesday 20 November 2013 11:39

Some women just can't deepthroat properly.

gabagabaheyu 10

Wednesday 20 November 2013 13:53

its all technique

dantee2005 33

Wednesday 20 November 2013 19:42

You seem to be expert!

mrtonyanderson 20

Thursday 21 November 2013 5:48

Awesome lol

hatemyluck 15

Friday 22 November 2013 16:21

This post makes me hungry..and ashamed.

lonelyguy1995 5

Sunday 12 January 2014 16:03

Hungry for....? oh wait never mind

Keywords

Love Cheating Money Relatable Work Jealousy My ex Health Accident Parents Annoying ADHD Medication Snow Weather Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts

The Top

Today, I was chatting with a co-worker, and she mentioned she has trouble swallowing pills. I replied that I'm lucky, because I have next to no gag reflex. Half the guys at the other registers abruptly went silent, and I'm now being constantly hit on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 201

You deserved it 17 042

Today, my wife and I can’t decide if we should force my stepson to wait when he rudely demands something, in the hope he’ll learn patience and some manners, or just give him what he wants so he’ll go away and stop making us miserable. He’s 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 1 294

The Top

Today, I overheard my mom, who quit smoking years ago, saying that I am the only person who stresses her out badly enough to want to smoke a cigarette. I have never once tried to stress her out, and in fact I do everything I can to make her life easier. She works in retail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 125

Today, my friend and I got into such a heated debate the police had to be called. The debate was about Whitney Houston. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 191

You deserved it 32 899

Today, I was at work and was confronted by a customer wanting to get a "Nemo" fish. I explained that 'Nemo' needs to live in saltwater, not freshwater, like their tank was. The customer then turns around and grabs a perforated tank divider and says, "Can't I just split them up with this?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 672

You deserved it 3 280

Today, my boss overheard me singing, "I need a shit, I need a shit" on my way to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 173

You deserved it 34 734

Today, my wife, who has a drinking problem, looked me straight in the eye as she poured herself a "water" bottle to enjoy while at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 847

You deserved it 130

Today, an Asian man approached me and called me pretty. I thanked him and he asked if I'm Chinese. When I said, "No, I'm Taiwanese" he promptly spat in my face and called me a "traitor to the motherland." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 146

You deserved it 526