Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking...

By picturemenakedbaby - 21/07/2009 10:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 963

You deserved it 12 726

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Same thing different taste

Kinky

By 9gingerface66 - 15/01/2012 06:29 - United States

Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 864

You deserved it 4 680

Dirty talk

By CorpseBride - 07/02/2017 04:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my boyfriend asked me to talk dirty in bed for him, but my brain went blank and I panicked. I couldn't think of what to say, so I suddenly blurted out, "Do whatever you want with my body. Treat it like a corpse." He laughed and I died a little inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 234

You deserved it 2 208

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 304

You deserved it 2 763

Hot and heavy

By Lickmylovepump - 19/01/2012 04:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 438

You deserved it 35 587

By McKenna - 16/07/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 371

You deserved it 17 911

Excuuuuuuse me?

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 13:32 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 468

You deserved it 11 501

So sensual...

By Wellokthen - 17/02/2017 22:00 - United States

Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 070

You deserved it 1 154

By giantcuntflaps - 13/12/2014 16:03 - Australia

Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 527

You deserved it 6 870

By Anonymous - 08/08/2014 21:05 - Israel

Today, I finally felt ready for intimacy with my boyfriend, and I sent him a sexy picture of myself topless. He texted back, "Ewwwww." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 882

You deserved it 8 663

Ahem

By Bucko321 - 30/03/2009 01:18 - Canada

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We were feeling a little naughty, so we started talking dirty. I was really into describing a sweaty sex scene, when I heard my dad cough. He had picked up the other house phone to make a call, and had heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 724

You deserved it 78 318

genius_man16 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 16:06

Your boyfriend is kind of a dick. Kidding or not.

DirtyParkBench 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 16:06

Ahh, wow. FML. Who was he picturing before, then?

Comments

iChel413 6

Wednesday 24 October 2012 9:29

Oh my! What a jerk. If that was his response then... what was he picturing before?

princefigs 8

Thursday 14 February 2013 20:20

Sounds like you need to lose some weight and get a new boyfriend

The_9th_Doctor 18

Saturday 21 September 2013 14:15

I think he may have other life choices if you being naked kills it for him

RaynbowRebel 2

Friday 11 October 2013 18:01

I'd dump him that's just messed up

daemonsparta 16

Saturday 1 August 2015 10:11

tell him he knows how you feel now

jairolover 25

Thursday 7 July 2016 2:32

time for a new bf, everyone wants to feel wanted by their significant other.

leighmacj 11

Wednesday 15 May 2019 19:01

I hope you dumped his unappreciative arse! Or at least got back at him somehow, that’s just ******.

mymegangirl 7

Saturday 1 June 2019 23:15

I don't understand why he's still your boyfriend. I think hes made his feelings pretty clear.

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Neighbours Halloween Lonely Wanker Jealousy Love Party Fight Argument Family Animals Cats Parents Sports Health Embarrassing Shopping Medication Birds Anger issues Weddings TikTok Pranks YouTube Cute Dogs AITA Work

The Top

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was in the middle of an intense orgasm when we heard the panicky voice of his little sister saying there was an emergency downstairs. He jumped up and left to see what the matter was. The big emergency? The Wii remotes had dead batteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 155

You deserved it 9 444

Today, I finally hooked up with a guy I've been hanging out with for 2 months. Afterwards, while we're getting dressed he says "You better be clean. If you're not tell me now so I don't pass it on to my girlfriend." Stunned, all I could say was, "Girlfriend?!" His reply, "Well, technically, my fiancée." FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 387

You deserved it 14 236

The Top

Today, the cows on the neighboring farm have been lowing loudly for 3 days straight. The guy who runs the farm is unreachable. The people who own the farm and live right next to the stable claim they don’t hear a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 727

You deserved it 151

Today, while shopping at my local grocery store, a young boy came up behind me and pulled my pants down while snickering. I was so shocked and horrified that I dropped the f-bomb. His mother yelled at me for "ruining his innocence". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 642

You deserved it 320

Today, I learned that your crotch can just light up on the body scanner in the airport for no apparent reason; and when that happens, a thorough pat down of that area will be performed by a confused security officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 170

You deserved it 1 658

Today, I threw a punch at my sensei like he told me to, except he failed to block it like he assured me he would. Now I'm banned from his classes and I'm pretty sure he's going to get the police involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 126

You deserved it 1 833

Today, my boyfriend yet again unsuccessfully tried to hold in uncontrollable giggling every time I moaned or sighed during sex. He's 24. I'm terrified of his reaction should I ever reach an orgasm with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 032

You deserved it 3 468

Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me out after I spelt "realised" with an S instead of a Z. It wouldn't have been so bad, if we weren't both British, if he hadn't called me an "illiterate idiot", and if he hadn't muttered "family of morons" when my mum backed me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 255

You deserved it 4 868