By singleagain - 15/05/2012 01:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him, saying that the only thing he would change about me is my last name. I later told him that I wanted to keep my last name after the marriage. I'm now single again. FML
I agree, your life sucks 24 031
You deserved it 42 499
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Top comments

Bob_Cat_fml 14

This is very precisely sexist. The symbolic of giving your last name to your wife has been at first the token that she was changing family. She used to belong to her parents and then to her husband. It was treating women as objects. Last name, as well as surname, is a part of your identity, and she perfectly has the right to want to keep her identity. This absolutely doesn't mean that she doesn't truly love her boyfriend, because you know, love is not about possession and she is supposed to love him, not his name. Of course it is not the kind of sexism that will make him batter his wife, but it is still a beginning of sexism. Anyway he is a prick for leaving her, let alone the sexist thing.

zingline89 18

Well, I guess you'll be Ms. Shitstain for the rest of your life. Would it have been so bad to be Mrs. Jones?

190 65

Comments

xLifesABitchx 5

Well, who does that? Seriously, the women's rights movement is over. You can take his last name. I, as a woman, think you're a bitch. How self-centered are you? Even Hyphenating is less of a bitch move. So don't whine about being single when it's your own fault.

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Metteris 0

Bob_cat - my girlfriend/fiance plan on taking my name. But she doesn't really have a strong connection to her last name, like I do. Besides, mine just sounds cooler. Haha. But yeah, I guess a lot keep both names :)

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orravan85 1

A lot of people here say how he is a jerk for not letting her keep her name. That it is something simple. Well that can be said right back at her. Why would she throw away a relationship that has grown to that point over her wanting to keep her last name? "It's just a name." as people have commented. "You had a 90% perfect guy, and you threw him away."

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WhimsicalMusings 11

It seems that the guy was the one who threw the relationship away. Of course, it's possible that the OP ended the relationship, but the implication is that he dumped her. If he throws a tantrum over her right to call herself what she wants, that's what's known as a "red flag," and it's a bit more worrying than being 10% imperfect. If he acted this was over what his partner chose to call herself, how might he react if they disagreed over her career? Or their kids? Or politics/religion? Should she just keep "compromising" (which, in the instance of this comments section, seems to mean "totally cave in to his demands")? At the very least, that course of action would almost certainly lead to some pretty horrible resentment a couple of years down the line.

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angelous_fml 7

Just because it is a tradition for a woman to change her last name doesn't mean it is a requirement for marriage. If you think about it, it's actually pretty selfish for a man to just assume that his girl will change her last name. We aren't living in the past. It was a childish and selfish move of his and this just shows he was not at all ready for marriage.

25 6
Ugi 26

I hope you guys work it out and I have to say that if you are going to be married for any length of time you are going to have to find a way to compromise. You won't always agree and so you will have to find a way to work problems out rather than just calling the whole thing off at the drop of a hat. Sometimes it's necessary to chat and then each go off and consider how important an issue really is to you and try to find a way through. There are plenty of good reasons on both sides of this decision; it's good for you to keep your identity but then your kids won't have the same name as you, which causes confusion. It's sometimes helpful from a career point of view to keep your name but perhaps it implies that you're not so committed to your husband. However, there are ways through. You may find on reflection that one or both of you actually doesn't consider the issue more important than your marriage. If you still do, you can hyphenate, or you can do as my wife does and use her maiden name at work and our family name personally. Work at it and find a way - don't allow your selves to fall at the first hurdle!

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Evath 7

You had a lucky escape OP! If the guy is willing to break up with you over something so inconsequential, he doesn't deserve to be married to you in the first place. Marriage is hard work, there needs to be enough room on both sides for people to live their own lives and be their own person within the marriage.

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natsaysheyyy 16

Is there a particular reason you are so damn rude?

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InfiniteSecret 20

I love how so many people are saying it is just a name and no big deal, but once someone says for the guy to change his last name to the females ye loose your minds and go on rants about the importance of the last name, the meaning behind it and all that crap. 99% of the time it is just a name when a woman doesn't want to change it but it suddenly gains meaning, and is extremly important when it is suggested that the male change their name. Anyone who thinks it is just a name when a woman doesn't want to change their last name but gains meaning when the guy is suggested to change it is full of it.

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sharond23 10

If he broke up with you for that then he's way to immature to even think about getting married.

0 0